Lessons of Love

Scared

Lilith's POV

I told him everything, and when I say everything, I mean mostly the main facts. 

The memories are too hard to process at times, I am not ready to share nor fully recollect them. 

You see, as closed of as I might seem I am, I am afraid. 

Deathly afraid actually.  Or I was.

I'm scared to let someone in again, I'm scared to feel betrayed again. But strangely, with Zayn, I find myself no longer afraid, but deathly afraid. I'm scared of the feelings that I am developing for him and how those feelings will work against me. I don't want him to know of my horrible past, but he does and what makes it better is that he hasn't left yet.  I don't want him to leave, since I have met him I have found myself slowly getting better. 

Honestly.  It's taken me a while to talk about my situation with other people, and now that he knows, I wonder how much time I will have before I have to recollect my worst nightmares and share them with him and Ms. Smith.  I want to say I am ready to talk about my memories, but I am not quite there yet.  I am going to try though, for me and my future.

I've been in his arms for about an hour now, my head nuzzled into his warm chest where I could hear the rhythm of his heart beating slowly. It relaxed me, as well as his soothing hands rubbing circles on my back. With every touch, I feel more warmth filling my entire body.  It was a feeling that made my heart swell and body melt more into his body. 

"Lilith?"  He suddenly called my name with his raspy voice.

"Yes?"  My voice was shaking.

"Are you ever going to tell me the full detailed story?  Or what happened to you there?"  His voice was full of curiosity.  

As soon as I come to terms with them, but sadly and truthfully that won't be for a long time. 

"Soon Zayn, soon."   I said, my voice only a whisper now as a tear slid down my cheek.  I felt his hand being placed on my head, twirling my hair around his fingers.  It was a movement that made me get sleepier and sleepier by each minute that passed.  What seemed like seconds later, I found my eyelids become heavy and close, allowing me to fall asleep in his arms while letting the darkness envelope me.

I was no longer afraid of the dark, in the dark, our imagination allows for fear to take over, making us hallucinate.  If I were to be afraid of something, it would be imagination, it could take us wherever it wants to.  Whether it be to the darkest parts of our mind where our true monsters hide, just waiting to take over us, or whether it be to the happiest of places, where our true selves can be. 

While in the house, I not only learned that imagination could be our worst nightmare and our enemy, I also learned that imagination can be the cause of all things corrupted.  Who buys girls only to sell them for the joy of others?  Where they are only seen as objects of pleasure.  My mind cannot fathom that men would have this as their job, going around stealing women to only sell them off.  Their is a battle raging within us, with our inner selves and with our monsters.  This is where imagination takes a part in deciding, where imagination plays a specific part.  Their imagination led them to a dark place, a place where their worst of monsters live.  Their imagination was responsible for this, for allowing their monsters to win.  Monsters are real, they live inside of us and as we begin to corrupt ourselves we see them win, we see them get what they want.  Us.

I learned that trust is not only hard to give but is sometimes it is the only thing you can give. 

I'm learning to give Zayn my trust while trusting myself with the feelings I have.