Lessons of Love

Journal Entries

I waited outside until the fire went out.

I waited until there was nothing but ashes of his possessions. I went back inside, walked up to my room and changed into just sweats and a t-shirt. I tucked myself in bed, trying to go to sleep, but I couldn't. It wasn't that I was having too many thoughts clouding my mind, it was just one. What was in that journal of his? I wanted to get out of bed and start reading it, but I decided against it. I couldn't...no I actually could, but what was holding me back?

I thought more and more about it. What was holding me back? Was it the feeling I would get from reading Harrys personal thoughts? Was it - no that was it actually. I wouldn't know how I would react to his words written down in paper. I was worried that his words would hold me back, I didn't want that.

But,

Maybe I can find contentment in his words, his words that could hold me back or give me the power to move on, his words that would help me finally get a closure. I wanted to move on and get a closure, so I got up from my comfortable position in bed and walked to my desk where I had placed his journal, grabbed it and went back to bed while turning on the lamp from my nightstand.

As I held the journal in my hand, over a thousand thoughts came to mind, but not a single one of them mattered as I took in a deep breath, ready to read his words.

"Here we go..." I said while looking at the first page of his journal that had his neat writing, written in black ink.

Do not read if you know what's good for you...

I stifled my laugh, typical Harry. I looked at the date the journal entry on the next page was written.

June 1st or 2nd, I don't even know anymore, it's summer.

Well journal, or inanimate object really... This is pathetic, but here I go? Or here I write? Well whichever, I don't really give a shit.

Mother got me this, she's worried for me, always has been. Hell, I would be worried too if she knew what has really been going on with me or the shit I'm in. I'm transferring into a new town, I don't really know what it's called, maybe cause I don't give a shit, they're making me - my employers. I'm moving into a frat house at the school I will also be attending, they said it would help for business I guess, and that I would be working with what's his name, it starts with an L?

Leroy? Lance? No, sounds too fancy as fuck, and Leroy sounds nerdy as fuck. They both don't fit him. Oh, Liam, that's it. They say he's good at what he does, and if I don't do well here, he could take my job, fuck to the no. No one will be taking my job, no one or nothing is going to stop me, even though I've done this a few times.

I am sure of it.

I remember him telling me he did try to stop, but once he did, it was all too late.

"Everything was too late. Everything just-just was..." I sighed, looking at the journal. "Even I don't know what to think of 'everything' right now." I lied down on my back, just contemplating for a while, until I finally put all my thoughts aside and started reading the journal again.

June 4th, this time I checked the date.

Well, I'm settled in at this new frat house and university, I still don't know the name of either. Quite frankly I don't get a shit if I'm being honest. I just want to get out of here. But I can't just yet until I complete my job. The boys are cool though, they're throwing a party, hopefully she comes. NO I don't have a crush, but I basically have to keep an eye on her - it's for work. I'm basically being forced to do it, but I get good money from it, so I'm can't say I'm all that pissed. She is pretty, I have to admit, but she's not my type. I don't and can't have feelings for girls like these. Girls that seem that get...hell I don't know, I'm just writing gibberish right now since I've got nothing better to do. I just get a certain vibe when I look at her picture, I still don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. Most likely neither, maybe it's all in my head.