Lessons of Love

Exposure

"I'm ready to talk." I said once again, out loud. This time not only assuring her, but myself instead. I need this, no, I want this. I want to be able to let my old self go. I want to let Harry, my past - just everything go.

"Lilith, are you sure?" Ms. Smith asked me. She had somewhat a confused face, while I had and held my serious one.

"Yes."

"Lilith, we don't have to do it-" That's when I cut her off. I didn't want her or anybody else changing my mind.

"I know." I sighed, trying to think of words to say, but I stopped thinking and let my mouth do all the talking that was needed. "I want to. I want to get over everything that has happened, I want to finally be myself, the person I'm meant to be. I want to not think about the past, hell, I don't want to live in the past or in the future, I want to live now. I don't want to think about the memories, or have nightmares...I no longer want to survive, I want to live. I don't want to go with the tide, I want to ride it. I want to feel again, I want to love again, I just - I want to finally be me. Whatever that is." I sighed, slumping my shoulders into the chair once again.

"I'm proud of you." She smiled at me. "Now where do you want to start?"

Where should I? Should I start with where I last left off? Or when Harry and I started to fall? Or maybe when -

"We don't have to start today, if you want." I sighed, letting out a small breathe. I did and didn't want to, I don't know how nor where to start.

"Why-why did you let me be your patient? Am I even that?" I let out a small chuckle.

"I wanted to know more about you, and the situation you were in Lilith." I nodded. "Lilith, you will and are going to overcome this, and everything else in your life. I promise you that."

I looked into her eyes, "how do you know that?" My voice was only a whisper, but she heard me.

"You have overcome so much already. You have come to terms with what has happened to you, and that's most admirable. You're a fighter Lilith." She gave me a small smile, I tried doing the same.

"Well I should get going..." I said, starting to get up from where I was seated.

"Lilith?"

"Yes?" I answered, a little nervous for the upcoming question she was about to ask.

"Do you want to tell me about your dad first?" No.

I sighed. "Why the hell not?"

"So, what did you feel once you saw him?" I sat back down, my hands instantly starting playing with themselves as I tried thinking of something to say.

"Scared, nervous...just not any good emotions. But more than anything, I did feel scared." I closed my eyes, trying not to think about the past as I inhaled deep breaths to try to calm myself down.

"Why Lilith?" She asked, making her way over to me. She started rubbing my back, thinking that this action would help calm me down.

"I didn't know what could've been."

She kneeled in front of me, "what do you mean Lilith?"

I shook my head, I was starting to scare myself. "I didn't know what would happen - or what could've happened back-" I started sobbing into her chest as she reached towards me, hugging me in a strong embrace. I let myself go into her arms as she stroke my hair, and tried calming me down.

"Lilith, he won't hurt you." I should believe her, but I don't. I can't.

"No one kn-knows." I held onto her tight, as if she might just disappear.