What If?

.1.

I've always wondered what it would mean to be able to chose my own life, be able to make my own choices in life
That is all I've wanted in life. Here I am 19 years old heading off to college and I don't even get a say in what I do or where I go..

'Mum has noticed you aren't here. Head back bug'

I read the text my brother sends before bagging up my dance shoes and heading back home. My brother John is the only person who understands me and understands what I want but both of us together can't seem to get my parents to listen
"She leaves a week, can you believe it" I hear my mum chime talking about me once more. I feel like they have been counting down these days one by one
"hey spud" John said messing up my hair as I joined him in the garden
"Hey" I replied sitting on the steps
"I've been thinking" he muttered before looking around to make sure nobody is looking
"Thinking and you never mix" I chuckle making him roll his eyes
"Do you want my help or not" He said making me hold my hands up in surrender
"That place you wanted to go. The preforming arts place?" He asked making me nod
"Where is it?" he continued
"New York" I replied, I had received an email to say I was getting a full ride to this school. It was a once in a life time chance in getting in, the people that go there have been known to make a career out of their craft and that is what I want
More then anything
"And they are sending you to that place in Seattle?" He asked and I nodded
"What if I persuaded mum and dad to let you theoretically stay with me in New Jersey?" he asked, I looked at him confused
Was he really wanting to risk the backlash of that
"What if they say no?" I asked
"Then we'll cross that bridge when it comes to it, we'll say you are with me but in reality you are living you dream at that place" he smiled, I attacked him with my arms wrapping it around him tightly making him chuckle
"One condition though" He said making me look at him
"You take this completely serious, this will be your one shot kiddo" He said throwing his arm around my shoulder
Of course I would take this seriously. This is and has always been what I wanted to do with my life

"Are you excited about Seattle pumpkin" Dad asked as we all sat around eating dinner, John was here visiting while I packed for college. He knew it would be tough on me
"About that" John said wiping his mouth before he spoke
"I think Natalie should come and live with me for a year. Let her live her life before shipping her into a profession" He said making my dad raise his eyebrows at the pair of us
"on what ground do you think that is okay?" Dad asked
"Dad, she just passed her entire High school experience with getting nothing lower then an A to gain your approval. She needs a break, plus she can always go to a college in the evening while living with me just to keep her in education" John offered, mum was staring at me, trying to read what was really going on right now 
"I don't think so, it's a week until she leaves, we can't change it up now" Dad argued
"Why not? Have you even asked her what she wants?" John yelled. I sighed knowing this wasn't going a smoothly as we had hoped
"I don't know who you think you are raising your voice to me son, or who you are thinking you can decide what is best for my daughter" Dad yelled causing both of them to rise to their feet. I sighed before standing too
"Just drop it" I replied looking at both of them as I walked out of the back door
I love both of them, so much so I know this isn't worth arguing about. I'll do what they want, I'll let them control what I do for the rest of my life but I won't let them break our family apart over this
"is this what you want?" I hear a voice say, I turn behind me to see Mum stood there, I sighed not knowing how this would go..
She came and took a seat next to me holding my hand
"Do you want to go live with John" She asked rubbing my back with her spare hand
"I just want time to be able to make mistakes mum, I want to be able to live my life before I have jump into the live dad has set out for me. It worked for Megan I know but I want time to be me first" I explained to her, she sighed and nodded
"Okay honey, if you promise you will keep your grades up in your evening classes then I'll deal with your father. Your place in Seattle will still be there next year" She reminded me. I don't know what John and I's plan is for next year since this is a 4 year course but I guess one hurdle at a time
"Is it even worth it mum? You know he's set in his ways" I said bowing my head
"If it'll make you happy baby then I'll sort it" She said kissing my cheek
If we are working on what makes me happy then why can't I go to the one place that will make me the happiest? Instead I'm having to sneak around like it's something bad.

--

"You know I'm only looking out for you" I hear my dad say as I was in my room packing more boxes, I look at him confused
"I just want you to have the perfect life we built for you" He answered. Sometimes I wish I had been born a boy, John got full choice on what he did but Megan and I? This is what was always forced on us and after they saw her flourish they knew I needed it too
"Dad I get it but why can't I make my own choices?" I asked and he shook his head
"Natalie you have always had your head in the clouds ever since you mother signed you up for that stupid dance class. Same with your sister" He reminded me.. 
I loved that class, it helped me learn a little bit of confidence but most importantly it made me fall in love with everything dance 
"I just want some time to be free" I whispered placing the last of my books in the box
"Then you can have one year. Go be with John for that year do what you want in New Jersey but the second that year is up, you put your head down and you work hard" He warned, I sighed knowing I was potentially signing my life away
"Okay baby" he said hugging me, I reluctantly hugged back
I know he means well and all but I have my own choice and my own dreams for my life. Medical school doesn't really fit into that anywhere I am afraid.. 

"We did ittttt!" John whisper shouted from my bedroom door, I chuckled inviting him in
"Have you confirmed your space?" He asked and I nodded. As soon as I finished talking to mum I confirmed it
One bedroom dorm room to myself, 3 different dance classes a day, the chance to join their main Troupe for all the performances. The chance to learn from the best of the best
"Is this really happening?" I asked and John nodded
"I don't know how we pulled that off but bug you are going to New York" He smiled hugging me
"I can't wait to see what happens" John smiled
"You are going to take the city on by storm. Nobody will know what hit them" He chuckled
John has always been my biggest fan, the person who believed in me when I didn't. It's hard to watch him constantly walk in and out work dependant but I mean he got away from our parents so I don't blame him at all
We would always FaceTime but having him here is way better
"To make it better, I'll be at 25 minute train ride away from you! And You are always in the city working if I needed you" I smiled making him smile
"I have so much faith in you right now Nat, you are going to smash this I'm sure you won't even need me" He smiled hugging me once more
I truly couldn't do this without him... that is for sure