What If?

.22.

I shouldn't be laid here thinking what I'm thinking, I should be celebrating. We just fucking won Nationals yet all I can think about is how I just had the chance to fix things and I threw it away
"Nat please stop blaming yourself" I heard James whisper as I laid cuddled up to his chest
We were in my dorm room, we were meant to be in the common room celebrating with our friends but I'm yet to find the motivation
"look at me" he said moving from underneath causing me to look at him
He took his hands in mine
"she's your mum, so you have two options" He said looking at me
"You can call her and forgive her, I'm certain she would answer that call. Or you can forget it, let her grovel. Come celebrate and have fun with people who have faith and love you" He smiled. Part of me did want to call her but at the same time I don't think I could stomach that
"I just didn't know I could destroy my family like this" I mumbled looking down, James took his hand and raised my chin making me look at him again
"You did nothing baby, this was your father. All you did was chase your dreams. Something you had the right to do" He reminded me, I smiled slightly at him
I couldn't still help but blame myself but it did mean a lot that he believed in me
"You are so much more special then he realises but at the end of the day. It's his loss... Not yours" James replied with another smile. I looked up at him and with the look of his eyes, I knew he meant every word
"Thankyou" I replied tucking a piece of hair behind my ear
He chuckled and leant down gently pressing his lips against mine making me smile more
"Now let's go" He chuckled pulling me off the bed 

James and I walked hand in hand into the common room to see it flooded with people just like our first night here. As soon as our eyes land on our group of friends more noise erupts
We are instantly pulled into an array of hugs and congratulations. It meant a lot that they were hear. More then I think they will ever understand
"Hey Kiddo, let's talk" Caiden said causing me to look at him a little worries but none the less I followed him to quieter corner of the room

We sat down on this set of steps and I couldn't help but look out at everyone having so much fun and wonder if I deserve to really be here
"You were great at Nationals" He said making me look at him
"we were all amazing" I replied and he chuckled
"Natalie, I know it wasn't easy" He replied making me confused
"You went up against your old friends, your ex best friend and ex boyfriend only to beat them and then have your mother show up. It's a lot kiddo, but don't bottle it up" He said and I sighed, I hated how easily the Daniels brothers can read me.. Ellie always warned me that it was their party trick
"I'm okay" I replied and he shook his head
"No you're not but guess what" He said making me turn to look at him again
"It's okay to not be okay, it's okay to be upset, to be overwhelmed. It's okay Natalie" He replied making me smile a little
It isn't often someone reminds you of that. That is for sure
"But look out there" he said pointing to our group of first years
"And there" he said pointing to our team
"Those are the people who have believed in you since day one, those are the people that love you regardless on where you come from, who you were back home, who your family are. They love you for you" He replied making me smile
"Is it going to be easy with out your parents? No but it is doable. You have so many wonderful people around you to help you" He smiled
"Thankyou Caiden" I replied as he hugged me
"You have my brother hooked. This is the least I can do to thankyou" He chuckled
"Regardless on the fact Ellie and I are leaving this year, you and James are still very important to us. We will always be a phone call away" He replied
"Same for you, if you guys ever need anything" I replied and he nodded
When I first found out that Caiden and James were siblings, I thought that they were complete polar opposites but I look back and think maybe just maybe they are the same, who knows.. Maybe Caiden was once like James before he met Ellie? 

I walked back over to everyone only to be instantly pulled onto James' lap with his famous chuckle
"Everything good?" He asked motioning to Caiden, I smiled and nodded
"Yeah he was just checking in" I replied making James smile
"Here I was thinking he was trying to make a move" He laughed, clearly that punch he is drinking isn't alcohol free
"he would never do that to Ellie" I replied and James nodded
"Oh I know, I would rip off his bollocks if he did" James replied with a growl
"You know he said the same about you" I replied 
"Oh yeah?" He asked and I nodded before he pressed his lips against mine
"good thing, I wouldn't ever do that then isn't it" He smiled and I smiled back
"You better now" I replied
"Speech Speech Speech!" We hear some 4th years shout making Caiden chuckle before standing up
I looked to James who looked proud looking at his brother

"well, we did it guys.. We won Nationals!" Caiden smiled making every cheer
"But I think we all know we couldn't have done it without a very special lady" Caiden said smiling at me making everyone look my way
"For real though, the team this year have been absolutely incredible. I honestly never thought we would get through to the World and I have no doubt that you will all smash it" He said with a chuckle
"Ellie and I are leaving for our newest adventure but best believe we will be there. I wanted to say a little something about you all and if any of you call me a sappy shit I'll egg your house" Caiden said making the whole common room laugh
"Ellie, there isn't much I can say without repeating myself. I love you and you are one of the best women I have ever met. But seeing you on that stage today in all of the routine we were apart of made me remember the exact reason I fell in love with you and I cannot wait to see what else is next in line for us" he smiled before Ellie leant up to kiss his cheek
"Annabelle. I remember the first time you joined us, you were this little baby who didn't know what she was getting herself into, over the last 3 years. You've grown so much as a person and dancer it's incredible" Caiden said turning to Annabelle
"Jodie, Jodie, Jodie. I've known you my entire life and you never fail to amaze me, you are truly one of a kind" He smiled
"Joe, my boy Joe. You came to us only being able to do Hip Hop and street styles but I've watched you delve into the other types now and I couldn't be prouder of you man. I can't wait to see what's to come for your final year" He said nodding in Joe's direction
"Now Kelly. Where are you.. There you are" Caiden starts
"You've been through the war these last 2 years, I've seen every shade of emotion from you but the best thing about it, is that is has given you this incredible drive for dance. You put every ounce into it and it truly makes it beautiful to watch" He smiled making Kelly tear up a little bit
"Then we have Neil, my biggest competition. I remember all the times you've challenged me and I will hold my hands up and say there have been a few times where you have given me a run for my money and it's been incredible close. But I wouldn't have wanted to battle anyone else all these years" He smiled 

Caiden then sighed before turning to us 1st years, he smiled looking at all of ours
"Now our babies of the group" He chuckled making everyone else laugh
"Kieran, buddy! I've watched you grow up. You've always been there for James when he needed but you have also always been there when he was causing trouble. The two of you are thick as thieves. I may have watched you grow up but this last year has truly shown me a new side to you that I wish I had been able to see earlier. It's incredible. I know that you can accomplish so much more then you give yourself credit for but that kind of confidence will come with time" Caiden said making Kieran smile at him before raising his glass to him
It's true, Kieran is incredibly talent and if he grows the confidence he will be unstoppable
"Now Miss Natalie" Caiden said smirking  at me making everyone laugh
"You truly are something aren't you. When we saw you day one we were all blown away, you were incredible especially for someone who and I quote isn't professionally trained " He said making everyone laugh
"I've watched you this past year go through something I don't think anyone here would ever wish on their worst enemy. But you have grown from it, You brought our team to victory.. Without you I promise you, we wouldn't have won.. Sorry everyone" He said making everyone laugh again
"We were lucky to ever get that chance to have you on our team and I couldn't be more thankful. I also don't think I could ask for a better person for my baby brother. Whether he'll admit it, you bring out the best in him" Caiden chuckled making me smile before he turned to James
"Baby bro" He said making everyone laugh again. These brothers were a set that is for sure
"I told you that you had to fight and best believe you did. I'm so proud of you and I can't think of a better time to be leaving. You may have had a bumpy start and made a few mistakes but I know you future is bright as long as you continue to fight!" He growled making James chuckle
"But like I remind you daily. One foot out of line and I'll be back to whoop your ass" He said making everyone laugh again
"To Our National Team!" Caiden yelled raising his glass once more making everyone do the same