whatever the hell we want || j. jordan

~ chapter 4.4 ~

Riley had left his station. With his gun. And without his radio. Best case scenario, he left and went home out of boredom. Worst case scenario, he'd gone down to the cave to kill the King.

Monty got up, scurrying away from his station. I assumed he went to find Riley. However, a few minutes passed before he came out from behind a rock with his hands in the air. Every bow of the Grounder army was trained on him. A man grabbed him and threw him to the ground in front of Kane and Bellamy, who were kneeling in chains. A few moments later, Kane's voice came over the radio.

This is chancellor Kane. Listen to me. Bellamy is working with one of theirs to find Riley. You let them through, understood?

Copy that, we all repeated.

Bellamy's chains were removed, and placed onto Monty.

We waited for hours, until the sun went down. That's when I heard the explosion, followed by the gray smoke rising in the sky.

Arkadia.

We rushed back to the Ark, but were met by a flaming skeleton of a structure with frantic people screaming, coughing, and crying.

Octavia and Niylah were rushed out of the Ark and were laid onto the ground. Bellamy was cradling Octavia in his arms, who was nearly unconscious. She choked out a few barely recognizable words.

"It was Ilian. I tried to stop him."

Clarke stood to confront him, but before she could get a word out, the middle of the Ark exploded. Debris was falling everywhere, and the only thing I could hear was crashing and yelling.

Our only salvation was in flames, and there was nothing to do about it. All we could do was watch.

•

I helped tend to the sick, seeing as Jackson and Abby weren't around. Many people had ingested loads of smoke and ash, while others had burns or broken limbs from falling debris.

The next morning it was raining heavily, but there was no cover to stay away from it. So there we worked, soaked to the bone and miserable. There were worse things to be. Dead, perhaps.

Into the afternoon, I stayed helping the wounded, including Octavia and Ilian. Clarke, Bellamy, and Roan had just left with all of our hydrazine to deliver to Abby and Raven.

Niylah was helping Octavia stretch so I got stuck with Ilian. He refused to let me dress his bandages or anything, he just sat there glaring. I had to get out of there, and he wasn't letting me do anything, so I left to sit down and rest. Jaha's lottery was out of the question, now that we weren't able to fix the ship in time. Missing assignments didn't seem too bad if there was no lottery to be taken out of.

I went to find Monty. He was sitting in silence with his hands folded at a table. I sat next to him and dropped my head onto the table, trying to tune out the doomsday preaching against Ilian. Niylah came up to us soon after.

"The boy they're talking about is in med bay with no protection."

Jasper came around the corner and tossed me a tin cup, nodding his head to gesture for me to follow him.

"When did they let you out?" I asked.

He started filling his cup with moonshine. "This morning. They were pretty pissed about my crimes but we're all gonna die in a few weeks, so I don't care."

"I wish you'd stop talking like that. Don't hold on to the negative, even though that seems to be all that there is. I know you want to die, but I don't, nor do I want to live without you. And I know that's super cheesy—"

"It is super cheesy. Wow." He walked away.

Monty came up to us, but Jasper was already leaving. I was standing still from shock. He'd gone completely cold. I'd confessed to him and everything all that time ago but even though he reciprocated it, he never let me go further with my feelings. And now, months later, I was still pining after him, waiting for the day he maybe wanted to really be with me. Not for one night, not on the floor of some art gallery, not just to get out his feelings. But I didn't think that would happen.

So I did what any sane person would do. I poured myself some moonshine. Monty took it out of my hands. "Why do you feel the need to always do this to yourself? Maybe just leave him be for a bit. Or, give up. There are plenty of people here that are into you, if that's what you need."

"I've tried leaving him alone, he always gets worse. And I can't move on, because I don't want a distraction. I want to make him happy again, and I think I can do that. I don't want him to end up killing himself or something."

Monty just shrugged. "Just let me know if you want me to collect a list of your suitors. And I'll talk to Jasper if you want. I've gotta go, but good luck." He rushed over to Jaha.

I went back to med bay to keep Octavia from maybe murdering Ilian. Before I could shut the door behind me, Kane and David Miller marched in, followed by some guards, Monty, and Niylah.

"Lock this room down immediately." Kane said, and the guards did so. "They're right behind us."

"Where is everyone?" Monty said.

"Out there with them." Octavia muttered.

The pounding on the door began. They were knocking against it and shouting.

"Maybe they're right, Kane. We've floated people for less," David said.

"If we let them descend into darkness, there's no coming back."

"It's the end of the world, Kane," Octavia said. "Darkness is all we have left." She stood up and walked slowly to the door, pressing a button on the lock.

"No, wait, Octavia! Don't!" Monty shouted.

"Stop. Octavia!" I cried, stepping towards her. The people began pouring into the room.

Kane pointed his gun to the intruders. I got ready to defend Ilian in whatever way I could, but there was no way me, Kane, and a gun could stop all of them.

David took out his taser and hit Kane with it, who fell to the ground. I was never one for defending Kane, but that was a shitty move. I grabbed David's shoulder and tugged at it to lower him, then punched him in the jaw. He still had the taser out, so before too long I was writhing on the ground next to Kane. We watched as the Arkadians dragged Ilian out of the med bay and off to kill him, led by Octavia. David followed them slowly.

Monty helped Kane and I stand, and we headed out after them to try and stop it.

"Sir, what do we do?" I asked as we stepped outside.

"I don't know."

•

MERRY CHRISTMAS HAPPY HOLIDAYS I HAVENT UPDATED THIS STORY IN FOREVER I SWEAR I STILL THINK ABOUT IT SOMETIMES

i'm publishing in the middle of a scene because i want you guys to have some crumbs and i'm still on holiday break so hopefully i'll get to write more before the new year