whatever the hell we want || j. jordan

~ chapter 3.1 ~

Jasper Jordan.
Goggle boy, criminal, boy in love. Now, boy drowning in alcohol and his own vomit.
For the past week. I'd spent my time with Monty. We'd tried to help Jasper, we really did. But he wasn't having it. He blamed Monty for irradiating Mount Weather and killing Maya, when it was Clarke's final decision. No one could reason with him without getting punched or thrown up on, so he was avoided.
Which only made it worse.
"Come on, he's gotta get better at some point. What can we do?"
"Take away the drinks?" Monty suggested.
"No, he'll just kill someone." I replied, deep in thought.
Miller came up behind me and rested his arm on my shoulder. I hated it when he did that.
"Give him one of your kisses. He liked that back in Mount Weather," He shrugged.
"How did you..." I looked between him and Monty. "You did not."
"What? He figured it out. It's not like you tried to hide your dislike for Maya, let alone those hickeys."
I glared at both of them.
"Singular. One hickey. And it was hardly anything. He loved Maya, and I can't do anything to fix him."
Miller backed away, shaking his head.
"Morgan, you can be pretty dumb sometimes."
"Emphasis on pretty!" I called after him.

•••

It was Rescue Clarke Day and the whole group was invited.
Miller, Monty, Bellamy, Octavia, Raven, and me.

"Hey! Why aren't you two ready?" Bellamy walked up to the table Monty and I were leaning against.
"We are," I stepped forward. "He's not." I cocked my head towards Jasper, who was lying on the ground beneath the table, mostly unconscious.
"What do we do?" Monty asked, his voice full of concern.
"This time we should leave him." Bellamy started to leave.
"No. He's not getting any better. Maya's death broke him," Monty insisted. "He needs this."
I nodded in agreement. After a moment of hesitation, Bellamg sighed and nodded.
"Alright. Both of you, take an arm." Monty dragged Jasper out from under the table and we both heaved him up, his arms over our shoulders.
"All yours." Bellamy walked away to talk to his Grounder girlfriend.
We dragged Jasper to the automobile we'd be using to find Clarke. Half-setting him, half-dropping him against the side of it, he grunted at the impact.
Monty was gone. I shrugged, not sure if I was glad of the alone time with Jasper or if I was terrified of his new personality.
"Hey, um. Jasper?" I looked up at him.

My voice seemed to bring him back.
"What?" He demanded. I flinched at his tone, but continued.
"I-" I lost my voice and leaned in to hug him.
One second. Two seconds. He hadn't hugged me back. Six seconds. Then, he wrapped his arms around me like we'd lose each other if we let go.
We stayed there, holding on, for what seemed like forever, but it was over too soon. He pulled away and seemed to go back into his own head again, eyes glazing over.
There was no other way to keep him in reality so I went to check in with Miller.
"How's everything?"
"In the last ten minutes that I haven't seen you? Splendid." He grinned.
I groaned, shoving his shoulder playfully.
"C'mon." He lead me over to the rover we'd be using to find Clarke. Bellamy was handing out guns.
He paused.
"Where's Octavia?"
"We're going outside the wall. You honestly think she'd miss that?" Miller chuckled.
I reached out my hand to Bellamy.
"You're not a gunner." He stared at my hand.
"And? Jasper's not sober enough to have a gun. I'll figure it out," I smirked. "Oh, come on, Bellamy. I'm kidding. I'll just hold it and it'll be for show."

I heard a splash and jumped. Monty was holding a bucket, and Jasper was soaking wet, glaring daggers at him. Before anyone could react, Jasper had slammed Monty against the rover. Hard.
Bellamy looked back at me.
"Sorry Jasper, no gun until you're sober," He handed the gun to me, rolling his eyes.
Jasper shrugged. "I didn't want it."
We all piled into the rover, clamoring over each other. There weren't enough seats, seeing as we weren't planning on letting Jasper even come, so I sat on the ground in the back. Gina, Bellamy's Grounder girlfriend, came up to us and gave Bellamy a quick kiss.
"Be safe."
We all rolled our eyes. As we pulled out of the garage, Raven laughed.
"She's too good for you."
"Shut up," He frowned.
Jasper scoffed. "Careful, Monty might melt her."
"Alright, that's-" I started, but Monty shook his head at me.
"Enough," Bellamy's face was stone cold. "Raven, take us out of here."
Octavia came in front of us, riding a horse.
"Right on time." I grinned.
"Try and keep up!" She called, before kicking the horse and speeding away. We followed in the rover, sitting in silence. There wasn't much to talk about, but it wasn't awkward. Jasper started to sing. I mean, you could call it singing. There were definitely notes. Maybe not the right ones, but notes.
"But the day, after today..."
"No way," I tapped his shoulder. "If you're riding shotgun, you can't disappear." He sighed, and plugged the iPod into the rover's speakers. A song, all the way back from 1983, started blasting through the car. A song we'd heard all too many times. It was still awesome.
There wasn't much music on the Ark, just singing, really. This was new, and music from 1983 was amazing.
Soon enough, we were all singing along. None of us could really sing, but that wasn't the point.
I grabbed Miller's hand and we sang to one another, making fools out of ourselves.
"Why can't I get, just one kiss?"
"And I looked at your pants and I need a kiss!" Soon enough, we were laughing too hard to keep going.
I was happy that I was friends with Miller. All the way back when we landed in the dropship, he wasn't quite my friend. We were on separate teams, but he was friends with Bellamy, who was brother to Octavia, who was my friend. We figured it out quickly in Mount Weather.
Raven switched off the music.
"Hey! That was the best part." Jasper pouted.
"A tracking beacon," Monty looked up at us. "From the Ark."
"Who is that?"
"Farm station." Monty and I looked at each other. We were both from Farm Station. Neither of our families had made it to the Ground.
"After four months? How?" Miller asked.
"We'll find out," Bellamy said. "Where are they?"
With that, Octavia opened the back door to the rover.
"Don't tell me I missed the party." She grinned at us. Monty ignored her.
"Sector 8."
"That's Ice Nation," Miller's eyes widened. Let's just say Ice Nation and Ski'Kru weren't best friends.
"What about it?" Octavia furrowed her brow.
"Protocol says we go home," Raven suggested. I agreed, but didn't say anything. "Let the Chancellor decide what to do next."
Bellamy scoffed.
"Screw protocol. The Chancellor's not from Farm Station, Monty is. Cressida is. So is Miller's boyfriend," He turned to us. "It's your call."
All three of us chuckled. "You have to ask? Let's go."

Octavia mounted her horse.
"Try and keep up," Bellamy mocked his sister's words from before.
We set off, Octavia riding ahead of us.

•••

After driving for another long while, we reached 200 meters from the beacon.
"These woods must be the border," Bellamy peeked through the windshield of the rover.
"So, where's all the ice?" Jasper slurred.
"Much farther north," Octavia explained. "Azgeda stretches for 1,000 miles."
"Good thing we only have to go 200 meters," Monty added.
"Slow down. Remember rules of engagement are non-lethal force. Tight formation on my command," Bellamy hopped out of the automobile. "Raven, you stay in the rover."
"Yeah, right." She scoffed.
"We need every gun we've got." Octavia said grimly.
"They're coming," Monty held up a hand. "120 meters. 110..."

Three large men on horseback came galloping toward us. When they stopped, I noticed their heavy layers and white war paint.
"Ice nation?" I asked Octavia. She nodded.
"Yes. Stay calm."
She and one of the scouts held a short conversation in the Grounder tongue.
"He thinks we're looking for Wanheda?"  She looked around at our faces for answers, but none of us knew a thing about it.
"Who?" I furrowed my brow.
"I don't know," Octavia replied.
Monty subtly pointed at one of the scouts.
"The light. That's our beacon." He whispered to me. Jasper was somehow sober enough to register what Monty had said, and started to stumble over to the man.
"Jasper, what the Hell? Get back here!" I called after him. He ignored me.
Despire everyone else's attempts to stop him, he waved them off and walked right up to the scout wearing the beacon.
"Tell them we observe the commander's truce," Bellamy turned quickly to Octavia. "Do it now!"
In Trigedasleng, she begged the men to maintain our peace treaty.
Meanwhile, Jasper was still in the scout's face. He reached up to grab the beacon.
"This belongs to us." He hissed.
Quicker than you could say, "Jasper, what the fuck", the man had a knife to Jasper's throat.
Despite having his life in the hands of this one angry man, Jasper started to smile. Then laugh.
The man pressed deeper, and when Jasper still hadn't pulled himself together, he slit his throat.
"Jasper!"
Without waiting for Bellamy's orders, I shot the man. Miller, Monty, and Raven followed.
"Hey!" Bellamy shouted. "Hold your fire!"
I ran up to Jasper and helped him stand, ripping the beacon from the Ice Nation man's neck.
A crackling noise came from the rover. It was Kane over the radio.
"Rover 1, come in. Repeat, Rover 1, come in."
Bellamy groaned and walked over to respond.
Jasper muttered something along the lines of, "I had him under control."
"What the hell were you thinking?" Monty demanded. I silently pleaded with him to drop it. I didn't want to be in the middle of another fight, let alone be the mediator. He didn't recieve the message.
Jasper shot back. "We got the beacon, didn't we?"
"Yeah, but where did they get it?"

Bellamy came back from the rover, portable radio still in hand.
"We had to shoot three Ice Nation Scouts. Culvert, Sector 4. Copy. Can you tell me what's going on?"
"When you get here," Kane replied. "Over and out."

"Sector 4? Why is he so far outside of the wall?" I asked. He ignored me.
"Get him home." He gestured to Jasper.
"I'm fine, thank you for asking." He grumbled.
"Cressida. Get one of their horses. Raven says you can ride, yes? Take him with you," He said, gesturing to Jasper.
I nodded.
Bellamy went on. "Monty, you're with me."
Monty and I made eye contact. These days, I hated to be separated from him. He was the only other one who really knew Jasper. If I thought we'd lost him back in Mount Weather, I don't know what I'd call this. I mounted one of their horses and propped Jasper up in front of me.
"You'll be okay, you hear me? We're getting you back to Doctor Griffin."
He nodded, and mumbled something. Arkadia was a long ride from here. He would make it. I couldn't let him die. Not yet.

After lots of reassuring words to Jasper, Arkadia was finally within sight.
"Look, Jasper! We're back. You're almost there, you've survived."

"You didn't let me die. I hate you."

My breath caught. He didn't mean it, surely. He was too drunk to know what he was saying. He had lost lots of blood. He was delirious. Right?

His words echoed in my mind as I numbly handed him off to Abby and muttered a quick thanks as I dismounted.

I hate you.

•••

hey there guys gals and nb pals! sorry that this took SO long to post, i have like 10 other stories that im writing and its finals week. i uhhh had fun with this one and we're moving through da seriez
<3