whatever the hell we want || j. jordan

~ chapter 4.6 ~

By morning, 18 people were dead. A few of us stood in a circle around a pyre as some men piled the bodies onto it. Jaha was making a speech, but I was zoning out for a lot of it. It was so horrible how, even with all of our precautions and treatments, we'd lost so many to the rain.

Jaha read off the names of people we lost as he lit the pyre. "May we meet again," He said, and we all repeated it as the bodies went up in flames. I stood for a moment in silence, then turned to continue with my day. I walked up to Bellamy, who was standing guard.

"Too many funerals, too little time," Jasper said as he walked past us.

"Show some respect for the dead." Bellamy said. I stayed silent. I agreed with Bellamy, but I wasn't one to be talking about respect for the dead considering my actions the day before.

"Why? They don't mind," He turned to face us, still walking away.

"Where are you going?" I asked, starting after him.

"Wherever the day takes me." He shrugged.

"No, seriously, where?" I caught up to him, trying to match his stride. "It's not safe out there."

"Do you have a chem tent?" Bellamy called after us. I didn't have one on me, so I stopped to turn around and get one. But Jasper kept walking.

"Nope."

"No one leaves without a chem tent." Bellamy ran up to us, grabbing Jasper's arm. "Maybe you didn't see how those people died."

I left them quickly to grab a tent off of the ground by the gate and slung it over my shoulder.

Jasper started walking away from the gate. Bellamy turned to me and put a hand on my arm. "I'll go after him. You've done enough for him to last a lifetime. Help the others."

I nodded, watching as Bellamy and Jasper walked off into the woods.

I turned around and dropped the tent on the ground. I kicked it lightly. Everything was going to shit. Ten days. That was all we had. I'd been delusional and trying to convince myself we had more time, but there wasn't anything else I could do. Monty was moving up as the coolest engineer ever and constantly going on missions or whatever. I hadn't heard from Miller in a long time. Helping Clarke and the doctors keeps you busy, I suppose. Octavia had run off, Clarke was being important somewhere else. Harper was in a similar state as I was, but we weren't close enough to really spend time alone together. So here I was again, friendless in my time of need. I couldn't drink any more, my head was splitting already. So I would have to cope in a normal, healthy person way.

Maybe if I ran off into the woods and went back to the dropship or something I'd be able to occupy myself. That would just upset me, though. So working was the only option. I wandered around doing odd jobs and lifting things for far too long. It was dark by the time I threw in the towel and went to bed. Jasper and Bellamy weren't back. Bellamy would keep them alive somehow, so I wasn't worried.

That's when the music started. Which was odd, considering the fact that party music wasn't ever a thing we heard around the Ark anymore. I investigated, and found that Jasper had outdone himself and gathered a following of other young people that had accepted their fates. Now, I was never one to turn down a party. But was I in the mood for one? It didn't matter. I took off my jacket and went over to Niylah, who was behind the counter.

"This is certainly something, huh?" I leaned on the counter. She laughed.

"I come bearing fruit!" Jasper came around the corner and tossed something to Niylah. She caught it and I immediately knew what it was. Jobi nuts.