whatever the hell we want || j. jordan

~ chapter 5.2 ~

two years later

Jasper, Miller, and I were sparring weekly. It was necessary now, if you didn't want to end up dead in the ring. I wouldn't be surprised if I did, I was sneaking out almost nightly to tend to my, uh, garden. Showing up to cleaning duty high was difficult to hide, but Jasper and I had plenty of practice. I hadn't tried to make any new friends, I didn't need them. I was fine with the three of us. Jackson was bound to never end up in the ring, being necessary personnel and all that.

I was always good with a gun, but hadn't done much sword work. Luckily, I was getting much better. As horrible as life under the ground was, I'd certainly endured a lot already. I was one of the few left who had lived in the sky, on the Ground, inside a mountain, and under the ground. It was a pretty great brag.

Jasper was still sober (other than weed, but he had decided it didn't really count), he wasn't as depressed anymore, and we were happy together. Living space was clearing up with all of the deaths, so Jasper and I had plenty of room to ourselves. Enough, if we were quiet and it was late. Keeping quiet was much easier said than done. But we managed.

There was no provided protection due to the fact that building the population was necessary and sex was technically only for making children. We were pretty lucky, though, maybe with all of our near-death experiences and drug use one or both of us had gone infertile. I had no issues with that.

I missed real air. I missed the stars and the clouds. I missed Monty and the others. Hell, I even missed Murphy. Sometimes I couldn't bear the need of a hug from Bellamy, or the need to see Harper smile. But I got by. One day we'd see them again, and I would get all of those things back. As long as I managed not to get caught breaking any rules and kept my fighting skills sharp.

I counted down every day. We were so close to only having 2 years left. I was 21 now, a real adult. I didn't feel any different from the day we entered the bunker. I couldn't believe that I wasn't drinking on my 21st birthday. No alcohol was allowed underground. There weren't even the ingredients to brew my own shitty wine.

"Miss Cressida, can you help me with this?" My new trainee called from across the hydrofarm. When Kara had been... removed from the picture, I had been put in charge of the farm. I was working constantly, but it was a pretty good job. Boring but stable.

"I'm telling you, just call me Cressida," I hurried over to the trainee. The boy was only 15, but we needed every worker we could get. His name was Emerson, and just saying it made me cringe from the memories. "What do you need?"

"The generator is making a beeping noise and I'm not sure why."

"Oh, don't worry. It's just rebooting itself, it does that every few days to stay in good shape."

We both went back to sit down. There wasn't much to do to actually work the station, but I tried to convince everyone that it was difficult so I could have an easy job. It worked, because here I was, doing no work at all while still getting rewarded and being recognized as the head of the farm.

I made a hefty salary compared to some other jobs, much more than Jasper. He was working utility as well as volunteering at the medical center. Once he got really employed in the hospital, he'd be getting paid a lot, but volunteering wasn't exactly financially helpful. Not that anyone really needed money down here. Almost everything was provided.

The food was being cut down. Our population was still too high, and we couldn't afford to all eat as much as we needed. Everyone was malnourished and tired, no matter how much sleep we got.

One night, Jasper and I snuck out. It was unlike any other night. It was a weekly occurrence, and neither of us thought much of it. We hadn't gotten caught so far. We were going to go to my little farm and get our weed. We made it to the stash, not many people were around at night. Getting back was the hard part. Not only did we have to get the weed back to our room, we had to get past any guards that were out and make sure no one saw what we had shoved in our pockets. I couldn't keep the stash in our room, it was too risky. Commuting to a random hallway wasn't ideal either, but it was harder to trace it back to us.

Was it worth it? Probably not. We would probably smell like it in the morning and it would show, but we knew what we were doing. We changed our clothes, I kept my hair back, and we cleared the air with some cleaning spray to mask the scent.

But you can never do enough in the bunker. In the morning at breakfast, Miller knew immediately. He said nothing. Jackson was suspicious, but kept quiet as well. As far as we knew, no one else saw our red eyes. Most of them had no idea what to even look for. It was forgotten about until five days later, when I went to the hydrofarm for work and was met by Octavia.

"Hey, Octavia." I said, starting to check on the machines. It was odd that she would make the visit herself to inspect the farm, but I liked seeing her.

Her guard growled. "It's Bloodreina to you."

I put my hands up in defense. "My apologies, sir." It held the slightest bit of sarcasm, but neither of them picked up on it.

"What's this, Cressida?" Octavia held up a fistful of a plant. The plant.

"Uh, it's not mine, whatever it is."

"We have cameras, Cressida. Just confirm what it is and this whole thing can be over quickly."

"Yeah, you know what it is. We used to love that shit on the Ground, Octavia. It's all in good fun." I brushed it off. She had said that it would be over quickly.

"Sleep well tonight, Cressida. You'll need the rest for tomorrow. In the arena." Octavia turned on her heel and walked out of the room.

"Octavia! Come on, this is cruel and unusual punishment! Over one little pot farm?" I called after her, but she was already gone.

I'd made it almost three years without getting in trouble for anything, and it was the weed that would kill me.

That night, I climbed into Jasper's bed. I didn't rat him out to take him down with me. Only one of us should be fighting in there, and we shouldn't have to kill each other.

I slept with his arm around me, squished into the tiny twin bed. We had breakfast in the morning, and the fight was at four. I had until then to prepare. I trained all morning, but rested after lunch. I couldn't be tired for the fight. I still couldn't believe I'd been caught. If I fought and won, would Octavia even pardon me? It wasn't an unforgivable crime, nor did it harm anyone. All it was was a bit of fun. Octavia knew all about how boring being underground is.

Four o'clock rolled around and the guards gathered us in the arena. Many people were crowded against the fences, watching and cheering. I'd wrapped my hands beforehand to protect from any punches I'd throw, and dressed in clothes that wouldn't get in the way of anything. I wasn't a killer, but I was a survivor. And I was going to survive this.

•

guys how do i make this not boring bc it's shitty as all hell

anyway it's been a month but i have one more draft after this so you'll get that and i'm writing more tonight