whatever the hell we want || j. jordan

~ chapter 5.3 ~

I stepped into the ring. The place reeked. The walls and floors were stained with the blood of the so-called enemies of Wonkru. Thieves, Murderers, Traitors. Not weed farmers. But I was there, regardless of whether I should've been or not. There were weapons and shields hanging from the fence around the arena, not at all cleaned from the countless battles before.

Gaia raised her hands to silence the cheers. "Each of these combatants have committed crimes against Wonkru. They are our enemies; traitors to our people. Traitors to our code of strength, unity, and honor. But today, one of you will be given a chance to once again be called brother or sister." She paused. "However, first, you must survive. The only rule in this arena is, be the last."

Everyone cheered again, rattling the fence.

"As always, as we invite death into this hall, we honor it." Everyone held a moment of silence before Gaia continued. "Omon gon oson." Everyone repeated it back to her. "Be the last."

With that, the fight began. I raced to the fence to grab a sword and a shield. If I was left with anything else, I was screwed. There were four of us. One came after me, the other two fighting each other.  My opponent was a Grounder. Before he could swing his mace to me, I punched him in the nose. He faltered for just a second. A second too long, because I cut across his collarbone, then down his left leg. Pushing him over, I moved onto a different opponent. I hoped that the fourth would go and kill him for me. My main goal was to win without killing anyone, but of course that was impossible.

My second opponent was a woman. A Skai'kru woman. I didn't know her well, but I'd seen her around. She would be an easy kill, and I hated to think like that. Before I could make a move to attack, a sword jutted through her stomach. She was pushed aside by a tall Grounder man. He was at least twice my size. Now the real fight begins.

I couldn't get close enough to kick or punch him. He was backing me into a corner with his sword. I wasn't good enough to beat him. He'd already killed my first opponent, and it was just the two of us. The crowd was screaming and cheering so loud that I couldn't hear myself think. The man's fighting was strong, but sloppy. He had no technique, just pure strength. It was almost enough.

I landed a blow on his side, but not enough to incapacitate him. I'd need at least three more deep cuts to slow him down to the point where I could defeat him. I was almost against the fence, but he was close enough for me to connect my knee with his gut. He groaned and doubled over. It was a surprisingly strong hit. Adrenaline, perhaps. I sliced into his shoulder, then stabbed into his neck. Surely that would kill him. I didn't want to have to stab him in the chest and watch his eyes go blank, but even with a sword in his neck he was still swinging back at me.

I grabbed a mace off the wall behind me. The weight of it almost pulled me down, but I managed to swing it around just in time to hit his head and knock him over. He was out. Perhaps for good. I breathed heavily, covered in blood. His, my own, the blood of previous fighters. I looked up to Octavia, my eyes welling with tears. Gaia held up her hands to stop the loud cheering.

I tried to slow my breathing and look less scared than I was as Gaia started to speak. "Cressida Morgan. You have committed a crime against our people in illegally taking advantage of our resources for personal use. But, you are the last." She turned to Octavia. "Has she earned her freedom, Blodreina?"

Octavia stood, considering it. She walked closer to the edge of the ring. She was completely different than when we were friends so long ago, but I knew that there was still something in there. She closed her eyes. "Yes."

I could've dropped dead. I'd won. I was pardoned. I would live. As long as I didn't get caught again, I would be totally fine.

I didn't even shower before I ran back to my room and jumped into Jasper's arms.

"I thought you were dead." He muttered into my hair. "You won."

"I don't want to think about it like that. I killed people, Jas."

"You've killed Grounders before, it's no different. You'll be okay."

I grabbed his hand and we went to the hospital. wing. I had some deep cuts from the fight. Abby was working on someone's allergic reaction, so Jackson cleaned and dressed my wounds. He scolded me and told me to stop growing illegal things if I wanted to stay alive. I told him I would, but only for Jasper's sake. He was still recovering and finding his old self. With all of his trauma and newfound sobriety, much of his personality had changed and changed again.

We spent a lot of time reminiscing and trying to remember what life was like on the Ark, and who we were back then. Jasper was almost himself again, but there was no telling what was really 'himself' and what we were trying to make up.

Even I was having trouble getting back to myself. I still didn't feel like I had a home, even after being settled for three years in the bunker. Monty, Clarke, Bellamy, and everyone else were my home. And I didn't even know if they were alive.

Jasper and I were redesigning our personalities. Addiction and depression had ruined both of us, but we were coming back. We'd decided on people we looked up to and why we looked up to them, then took those traits and tried them out. I modeled after Raven's courage and, although it took him a bit to achieve it without pain, Jasper took after Monty. We took those and practiced them until we thought that they were good enough for us. We did this for every part of ourselves. Who are you if not borrowed pieces of everyone you care about, right?

Miller came by to visit a few times in the days after my fight, but Jasper and I were too busy with therapy to really hang out or relax. Octavia's rule didn't allow for relaxation. I missed Mount Weather. I missed when it was just us 100 and none of the other Arkadians were on the Ground. My biggest worry back then was thinking that Jasper was in love with Octavia rather than me. Now my biggest worry was being killed by my own people.

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this is a weird place to end it but i need to post something lmfao

anyway this season is so depressing and idk when i should end this book