Kissing A Devil (Complete and Continuing In The Sequel)

Chapter 38

Sidharth cups her face, "What did you say? Say it again."
Sana smiles, "I love you my Devil."
Sidharth immediately covers her lips with his for a passionate kiss. Tears flow out of his eyes as he pulls her tightly into his arms, trying to make himself believe that this is not a dream.

"Shehnaaz.."
He whispers as he breaks the kiss.
"Sidharth, say you love me."
"I.. Shehnaaz, I.."
Unable to say anything, he pulls her even closer, hiding his face into her hair.

"I know you love me. Then why can't you say it in words. What is stopping you?"
Pyar hai mujhe tumse
Tere bin ek pal bhi reh na paun.
Dil cheekh kar ikraar kar raha hai,
Zuban se tujhe kyun tujhe keh na paun.

She breaks the hug and says, "I want to hear those three magical words. Say it Sidharth. Say I love you, Shehnaaz."
No words come out of his mouth as he gazes into her eyes that are turning red out of anger and frustration
"You can never say anything. You have only silence for me. I read your silence but sometimes you need words to hear too. What is it, Sidharth? Is it any fear?"

Yes, fear of losing you. Everyone whom I have said I loved, have left me. I am scared to tell you. Baby, please understand.

"She said you fear commitments. Is it that fear?"
Sidharth's face turns serious as he leaves her, "Who told you?"
"Bani Dalal. You both had something in the past. "Were you in a relationship with her?"
"Did she tell you that?"
"No. But the way she spoke about you and I saw your face when she was talking."

"What did she tell you?"
"You were scared of commitments and she never thought you could marry someone. And you are making me believe it. You left me last night. Something made you leave me, perhaps the word Sid. Who called you that other than Mum? Bani? Why does she still affect you? Did you love her and she left? No, she asked for commitment and you were tongue-tied like this. Wait, do you still love her?"

Sidharth takes a step back and turns his face away.
"Don't turn your face Sidharth. I said I love you. Even after everything I fell for you. And I expressed it. Why can't you say anything? You should have pulled me closer, instead you are pushing me away. You keep me out of your life. Why?"

Say it Sidharth. Say it. Speak about your mistake. Tell her you love her.

Sana grabs his shirt and moves to face him, "Bolo sach kya hai? Say it, Sidharth. Did you love her? Did you fear commitments? Are you still in love with her?
"No."
Sidharth screams.
"I have never loved her. Never."
"Then what is it?"
Sidharth hits his hand on the glass of the table, "She is a mistake. A mistake of my life."

"Sidharth! You have cut yourself."
Sidharth grabs her arms and pulls her closer. His eyes are red as water fights to break the boundaries.
"I don't fear commitments but I fear losing. I am scared of losing the people who mean the world to me. I have no one Shehnaaz, no one in my life. All I have is you. Just you. I can't lose you."
Boundaries break as tears flow out of them,
"I am.. I am cursed, Shehnaaz.. I am cursed. Everyone is snatched away from me. I am cursed. Can't you see? "

He pushes her away and moves back. Showing his bleeding wrist he says,
"This is not blood. This is poison, running down my veins. All my life, I have tried.. tried to get them out. But I have failed. I have failed miserably. I, Sidharth Raichand, is actually a failure. Failure, Shehnaaz. I.. am.."
He falls on the floor, covering his face with his hands.

Shehnaaz comes closer and kneels beside him. She removes his hands from his face and wipes his eyes. She wraps her arms around him. He pulls her closer, burying his face near her neck.
"Shhh.. you are not losing me. I am not leaving you, ever."
Sidharth grabs her even tighter, "Shehnaaz.."
"You don't need to say anything. You don't need to think anymore. You are not cursed, you are not a failure. Chalo utho."