17. Heavy Is The Soul That Bears The Guilt

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Music for the Chapter: Life's A MESS by Juice WRLD and Halsey

The videos of Adi and me playing as children were playing on the wall

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The videos of Adi and me playing as children were playing on the wall. The entire room was dark except for the clip playing from the projector.

Adi was playing football with Harsh and me.

The door opened and I blinked a few moments to the light outside. Then realized it was Mama. I sat up.

"Adi?" I asked.

"We finished the cremation." He answered.

"You should have gone and saved her regardless of what Indra thought. She was your own child. You are Sri Mahavishnu. Who has the courage to stop you? Who is Indra to stop you from doing what you wish?" I accused him.

He just gave a sad smile.

"We do things that we should. Could you have broken the code of Devansha and made your way into Patala? If I break rules and don't care for the authority Indra has on matters of Devansh, then no one else will. 300 soldiers are in my army. These are all devansh. If I don't respect Indra, they won't either. Children follow the example of their father rather than their advice." He answered.

"How can you be so calm?"

"Because I know that soon enough Adi will be born again. The circle of life and death is common."

I scoffed and turned away, continued to look at the videos of Adi and me.

Of course, he was calm. He was Sri Hari. Satchidananda tattva was a part of him. He's Narayana who can contain himself as quickly as the sky after heavy rains. That is why he is always compared to the sky.

"You don't want to return to Gurukul?" He asked.

"No."

"That is quite foolish."

"To you, it may be. To me, I wish to keep my normal life to myself. I no longer want to associate myself with any of the nonsense. I already lost Adi. I don't want to lose Harsh. Neither am I going nor is he."

"Is this your decision or his?"

"What do you want me to say? Let Harsh do whatever he wants? No. I will keep Harsh safe. I failed with Adi but will not fail with Harsh."

"I thought you would at least want to keep her memory alive."

"I am. By remembering her."

Mama laughed. "What a terrible way to remember someone." He commented.

"You can shame me for my choices. I don't care."

"This isn't shaming you for your choices but just surprised that out of everything you could choose, you choose this. Locking up yourself in a room and watching videos of what is the past. This is of no use, though. Neither will it help the pain your heart, nor will it appease Alaknanda."

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