The Way Things Change

Chapter 4

I went numb. I could handle the doctors knowing, they were the ones to help me, but nobody else was supposed to know. How did they know? They hadn’t seen it, had they? No, they couldn’t have, they said they were in the car that hit me. But how did they know then? I looked over at Niall; his eyes were full of worry. Why was he worried? He didn’t know me, so why would he care. Maybe they were just bluffing to get it out of me. Yeah that must be it. It’s just a bluff.

“We know you were… raped.”

My eyes grew wide and shot to the doctors. They were watching me closely. I couldn’t believe that they had told on me. What had happened to patient confidentiality? I could feel the tears building in my eyes. NO! I was not going to cry. I was strong, and if they saw me crying they knew they were right. I didn’t want to be weak, I hated it.

“How..? Why..?” I managed to say. My mouth was very dry. Now all four of them were standing at my bed, surrounding me, capturing me. Liam was still holding my hand. I didn’t want him to, but I was unable to move.

“Does it matter?” Niall asked. “The real question is: Why are you protecting them?” You could hear disgust in his voice and he was getting angry. “They should pay for what they have done to you!”

I gulped. Deep down I knew he was right, but he just didn’t understand. None of them did.

“You don’t understand-” I started.

“Then make me understand” Now he was almost yelling at me. How could this upset him so much? Like I said, he didn’t even know me. “You were RAPED for fucks sake! By THREE men and they just left you in an alley. How can that be justified?”

They really should stop saying that. Raped. I felt so filthy and weak. Like I hadn’t been able to protect myself. But then again, I knew I was strong, but I couldn’t take it up against three men. I should be sad, for what had happened to me, or angry that the doctors had told on my, but I felt nothing. All emotions had gone, I only felt numb.

“Why do you care? You don’t even know me” I argued back.

“It doesn’t matter if I know you or not, this is NOT something that can just go by without consequences. They should learn how to treat a woman right, not like she is some kind of trash!” Now he was yelling. I just wanted them to go away.

“How do you know that I didn’t accept to have sex with all three of them? How do you know that I’m not just a whore?”

I heard all four of them gasp. I got the reaction I wanted from them. They hadn’t expected that response from me. But I didn’t care. The truth was too humiliating and I knew he had been right. I was just a slut.

Then Dr Green started talking.

“Due to the bruises on your thighs, it’s obvious that they had to use force to… enter. And also the bruises on hips indicate that they tried to still you. We found bruises on your arms which look like hand marks, so that indicates that they held your arms to prevent you from hitting them, or trying to escape. Also on your neck we found some marks that made us believe that they tried to stra-“

“STOP! Just stop.” I said, a single teardrop falling from my eye. I thought I had promised myself not to cry, but I couldn’t listen to it anymore, it was just too horrible. They were absolutely right, and it only brought back the memory.

“Please get out” I almost whispered.

“But we have to-” Niall started.

 “GET OUT!”

Niall looked shocked by my outburst, but started walking away. Liam gave my hand a little squeeze and finally let go. They all left. When he reached the door Liam turned around giving me one last look as if to say that he was sorry.

God I hated this. The pity. But finally I was able to think in peace. I was exhausted and before I knew it I was sleeping.

***

“Come on, lets get out of here” He said and I followed him. The cool wind felt lovely on my hot skin when we got outside. I had been dancing all night and I needed a break.

“I need you right now!” he whispered in my ear. The way he said and his warm breath against my skin immediately turned me on. He always had this effect on me, it was actually really scary, that he had this much power over me.

He led me into a dark alley and pushed me up against the wall. I took in a sharp breath, I kind of liked this, when he lead his animal instincts take over. But this time I could feel that something was off. Even when instinct took over he was always gentle, but not this time. His hands on my arms grabbed a little too tight and there was not enough space between the wall and his body for me to breathe. His face came closer and he started kissing me violently.

I lightly pushed him away, trying to catch my breath and creating a little space between our bodies. “Honey slow down, why the rush?” I asked gently, trying to hide the fear that was forming inside of me. I tried to find his eyes to see what he was thinking. When our eyes met my body tensed. I had only seen him like this once before. He was angry, really angry, and I didn’t know why. Was it something I had done?

 “Oh so now you want to slow down bitch. You seemed rather willing on the dance floor with that dumbass. You were basically fucking him right there in front of me. But I should have known by now. You are just an ugly whore, you know that, right?”

His words knocked the air out of my lungs. I couldn’t breathe. I tried to push him away, but he tightened his grip, pinning me to the wall.

“Jake let go, you’re hurting me!” I cried out, but he didn’t let go. “I was just dancing with him, nothing happened and nothing was going to happen. You are the only one I want. You are the one I love. Why are you so jealous?”

“You’re lying, you slut! Just shut up! You don’t deserve me; I’m too good for you!”

“Jake let go!” I said, trying to get him to listen to me. But it only angered him more. He punched me in the face, making my head snap back, connecting with the wall behind me. My vision blurred and he let go of me so my body fell to the ground.

“Boys. We’re over here” I heard him say. “Now we’re gonna have some fun.” His voice cold as ice, with a hint of morbid humour. Within seconds I felt two pair of hands grabbing me and I started panicking. What were they going to do with me?

“NO! LET GO OF ME!” I started fighting back.

“I told you to shut up slut!” he yelled, punching me again. His hand grabbed my throat, cutting of my air supply. “If you try to scream, or you tell anybody, I’m going to kill you.” His hand let go of my throat.

“Please Jake” I begged him. “Don’t do this”

“SHUT UP!”

And then I felt him ripping my panties off…

I woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. Almost immediately the assistant was next to me.

“Your heartbeat is going crazy. Are you okay?” She sounded genuinely concerned. That pushed me over the edge, I couldn’t hold it in anymore, so I just let go. I cried and I cried, my body shaking. The assistant’s arms wrapped around me, giving me the comfort I needed. We sat there for a long time. She didn’t have to say anything; just being there for me was enough.