The Way Things Change

Chapter 34

*Kate's POV*

In less than an hour we would be on the plane to America. I still haven't talked to Harry, even though Niall has been pushing me. And I really had been meaning to, but whenever I had gathered enough courage he was always busy. They were still recording for a new album, so I really couldn't expect anything else. But sometimes it felt like he was really avoiding me, using it as an excuse. And he hadn't been at the gym with me all week, which I was glad about, but sad about. Does that even make sense? I want to be near him, I just don't know how to act around him. I get too nervous. And I've been dressing up more than I ever would do. I feel like I have to impress him or something, which is really stupid, because I didn't feel like I had to before. God this is frustrating. I wish I could read minds. No actually not. But I want to know what he thinks of me.

I was pacing back and forth. There was really nothing to do here and I was getting restless. Niall kept sending me looks. I had promised him to sort this out before we went on tour again, but I hadn't. I knew what he meant. Why did I have to tell him again? God damn... And now I was back to fidgeting with my clothes. I really whished I had put on something a little more comfortable. Damn you Harry Styles. Why did you have to do this to me? I could be wearing sweatpants right now, instead of skinny jeans.

I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I had been so deep in thought I hadn't seen or heard anyone approach me.

"Kate?" I heard Harry's soft voice. Dammit. Please don't say you need to talk to me. I can't do it. Not yet. I could feel the warmth radiating from his hand on my shoulder. And like on cue the butterflies started to flutter. Damn you!

"I'm sorry if I scared you, but... can we talk?" he seemed nervous for some reason. And he needed to talk to me. But right now? I looked to Niall for support, but he had turned his back. Damn. I needed some support... I looked for some reaction from some of the other boys, but they were just scrolling on their phones. There was no way out of this. Okay, you can do this Kate. It's just Harry...

"Sure, it's not like we've got something better to do." I forced a smile, trying to keep my voice steady. "So what do you want to talk about?"

Harry looked around. What was he looking for?

"Do you think we could go somewhere a little more... private?"

Fuck, fuck, fuck... This was it. Now I had to talk to him.

"Uhmm... Okay."

He took my hand to drag me to the corner of the room. At least we could have a little more privacy there. Oh god. He was holding my hand. It felt so good. No Kate! You can't be feeling like this, remember? Think of the last time, how bad that ended. But with Harry it was different. Could be different. What are you talking about? This is just all in your head. STOP IT!

We just sat there for a while, opposite each other. The silence was awkward, but I didn't want to talk first. I didn't know what to say.

"Uhmm... There is something I've been meaning to talk to you about." Harry broke the silence. He looked anywhere but at me. His hand went through his hair. God, how could he look so good without any effort?

"And I guess this is probably not the best place to talk about it, but I have to say it now, otherwise I might never get the courage again."

I didn't know what to say. What could I say?

"And please don't say anything, till I'm finished okay? This is hard enough as it is."

My voice had left me, so it wouldn't be a problem to keep quiet. I just nodded.

"I uhm... I just..." he leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees. "God this is so frustrating!" he almost yelled it out. I jumped a bit at the sound. His hand went through his hair again.

"Sorry... I just have never done anything like this before. Well I have, but it has never been this hard..." His voice died and we sat in silence once again. He looked at me for the first time, there was something in his eyes, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

He leaned even further forward. It was a wonder he didn't fall off of his chair.

And then he kissed me. I was frozen to the spot. What the hell? What was going on?

Before I could even react to the kiss, he pulled away. NO! My lips were tingling from his touch. It had felt so good. He shouldn't be stopping. But why did he even kiss me? He didn't like me, right? He had been avoiding me, or was I the one avoiding him? Was it even a possibility that he liked me? He had kissed me, so I guess he liked me, right? God this was confusing.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Kate, I didn't mean to. Well I meant to. God, I've been wanting to do that for so long! But I shouldn't have done it like that. Sorry. But ever since that night, I just can't stop thinking about you. What are you doing to me Kate?" His hand went through his hair again. "I can't eat, I can't sleep. I want to be near you, but I can't stand not being able to touch you. You make me go crazy. I just... Kate, I'm falling in love with you."

His words hit me like a wrecking ball. Did he just say that, really? He was falling in love? With me? But how? Why? This was everything I wanted, but I didn't think it would ever happen. I was gobsmacked. What was I supposed to say?

"Please Kate, say something" he begged me, his eyes were desperate. "I'm sorry again. And I understand completely if you don't feel the same about me, but I couldn't keep it from you any longer. And I don't want to hurt you. You don't deserve that, not again. But I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship, I appreciate that too much! I have been so confused. And-"

I leaned forward and kissed him. He was rambling and it was the only way I could make him stop talking. His eyes grew wider in surprise. He hadn't expected that at all. I broke the kiss and put my forehead against his, just like that night.

"Just shut up will you? Do you really mean it? Are you falling in love with me?"

I could feel him nodding. I couldn't look at him right now, I needed to think straight, which was already hard enough with him sitting so close to me.

"Harry... I thought you hated me!"

"I don't hate you! How could you-"

"Shut up! I need to say this. This is hard for me too... Look, ever since that night, I've felt butterflies every time I saw you. It scared me. Last time I felt like this was so long ago and it ended up really badly. I'm so afraid that history will repeat itself. Last year I swore to never fall for a guy again, I knew I was only going to get hurt all over again. And then you made me feel like this. I hated you for that, and I tried to hide the feelings away. I thought that getting away from you would make it go away. But I couldn't shake you out of my head either. And then I saw you again. I was so confused and you didn't want to be near me. I couldn't bear if you rejected me. I don't know what this is Harry, but I'm scared."

My voice was shaking and I looked up at him. His eyes were filled with worry and... happiness? God I wanted to kiss him again. My lips could still remember the feeling of his lips against mine. I thought I would be less confused when I had told him, but right now I was even more confused.

"So what does this make us? What do we do now? 'Cause I really don't know. I don't know if I'm ready. I just-"

He took my face in his hands and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. This felt good. This was how I wanted to stay forever.

"I don't know what this makes us. I know what I want, but only if you are ready. I don't want to push you into something you'll regret. So we can just say we're dating? If that's okay with you. And than we'll take it from there, okay?"

He was so sweet. He knew exactly what to say to make me relax. It made me fall even harder for him.

"We'll take it one day at a time and you have to tell me if we're going to fast. I'll stick around. I promise. I want to make you feel happy and confident again. I want you to trust me and everyone again. So we just take it slow and we'll see how it goes."

I didn't know what to say. So I just kissed him again, this time more passionate than before.

"GET A ROOM WILL YOU?" Louis screamed, a big grin plastered on his face. "And come on, they're boarding now".

I smiled as Harry and I made our way back to the others. He was holding my hand and I was giggling. In this moment my life was truly perfect.