The Way Things Change

Chapter 66

When I stepped back into the house, the reality seemed to hit me. We were done. Over. Not together anymore. All that because of a disagreement? About kids? Because of that stupid miscarriage? Had I gone too far? Should I have been open to the idea? Should I have listened more to him? Shouldn't he have listened to me? I was the one who went through this. It was my body. But then I remembered what Danielle had said. He had been through a lot too. If it was true what they all had told me.

The house was still empty, making it look even bigger. I needed someone to talk to. Someone who could reason with me. Someone who wouldn't take sides. Someone to listen to me. Just someone. And I needed food. That run was necessary, but it drained me of all the energy I had left. And my legs felt so heavy now. Thankfully my wounds hadn't opened. But it still hadn't calmed me completely. Now the anger was gone, all the doubt, the thoughts, the hurting words were left. They clung to my brain, making it hard for me to see straight. They wouldn't leave me.

In the kitchen the broken plates were still a sign of the storm that went through the house. My heart broke a bit. This was the evidence. This made it all real. It wasn't just a bad dream. Tears started running down my cheeks as I picked up the pieces. One at a time. For every one it felt like a blow to my heart. I had lost him. I really though we had something and now he was gone. I had let him slip away. No, I had pushed him away. So what now? Was I supposed to leave the house? Probably. He had been here before I came along. He belonged here. I didn't. He had made that clear.

Ow! I let a piece fall, the flood dripping from my finger. Dammit. I sat my back up against the island. God I was pathetic. Sitting in the kitchen bawling my eyes out. Surrounded by broken plates. Feeling sorry for myself.

Get yourself together woman! Clean up. Get something to eat. Take a shower. Afterwards you'll see the world in a new way. A clear way.

So that's what I did. I put on a brave face, wiped the tears away. I cleaned the kitchen. Made me something to eat. Regaining my strength. Took a well deserved shower. Again.

I felt the urge to feel pretty. To do something special. So I put some make up on, making my eyes look bigger, brighter, making my lips look fuller and adding some colour to my cheeks. I dried my hair, straightened it, letting it fall freely down my back. Clothes wise I put on a maxi skirt to cover the healing wounds and a simple tight, white top. To pep it up a little I assed a statement necklace and some rings.

I needed to get out. Out of the house. I felt restless. I felt trapped. I needed to think freely. So I went for a stroll in the park. The weather was getting hotter. I didn't need to wear a jacket or vest. The birds were chirping. Happy couples were sitting on benches, all loved up. That sight made my heart sting. That should be Harry and I. We should be sitting there.

A ball landed at my feet, followed by two kids. A boy and a girl, the same age. They were not paying attention. They stumbled right into me, falling on their bums.

"Upsidaisy" I smiled, picking up the girl, helping her to her feet.

"Oh dear" a young mother came running towards us, picking up the boy before I got the chance to. "I'm so sorry miss."