2gether AU: Stay, be Still

Chapter 17: Remember Who You Are

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections 
- All of Me, John Legend - 

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Tine's POV

I snuck out of bed quietly, planting a soft kiss on the crease that formed in between Sarawat's eyebrows. I knew I was the reason behind his frowns, even in his sleep.

The guilt in me intensified. Slowly, I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.

I went to the living room and sat on the couch, looking at the lone cupcake and the scattered empty beer bottles around me.

My heart bled at the thought of imagining my Wat celebrating his birthday by himself, all alone in this pitch-black space. My lips quivered at the pang of pain from the bottom of my heart.

I wrapped my arms around my naked body and buried my face in between my knees, I felt goosebumps creeping across my skin.

My tears slipped across my cheeks, my eyes were stinging from the lack of sleep and from all the cries recently.

But these physical agonies were not as painful as the sting of venom in the bottom of my heart.

Sarawat doesn't usually drink; if using alcohol was on his list of making himself feel better, then things were already terribly wrong.

My Wat was confused, he was wounded.

And it was all because of me.

Fong's words came running back to me again, things that didn't make sense yesterday started to make sense.

"Can't you see how much you matter to him, Tine Teepakorn? He could be that coolest person you've ever known, but he is just someone vulnerable, physically and emotionally, when it comes to you."

I was starting to believe that I was that soft spot of the Achilles' heel for Sarawat.

Taking in another big gulp of air, I stood up and went back to our bedroom, eager to feel Sarawat's body pressing against mine.

"Tine, you chase your nightmares away, but you don't run away from your nightmares."

I was desperate to seek warmth from my Wat.

Only to realise that Sarawat was already up.

My heart twisted uncontrollably, for that split second, I thought Wat was gone.

The white noise of the running shower was undoubtedly an assurance that I needed badly.

Suddenly, my heart sank, fully comprehending how did Sarawat feel when he woke up to an empty room for the past two weeks.

Broken, cold, hopeless.

I breathed in sharply to swallow the lump forming in my throat.

I was so lost in my head that I wounded the one whom I love the most.

Instinctively, I did what my heart wanted the most. I turned my heels and walked towards the bathroom.

Once the door was unlocked, I saw Sarawat lowering his head in between his arms, his shoulders were shaking.

Remember who you are.

Sarawat got that tattooed on his left scapula before his 18th birthday and I helped to choose the tattoo design.

I remembered seeing it etching a mark against the smooth skin and watching it heal.

"Because I want to remember who I was when I was 18 in the future, my dreams, my whispers and my prayers."