Everyone Dies (Except Galadriel)

Chapter 13: The Return of the Noldor (Part IV)

People are still reading this?

Hey, pro tip, don't start your freshman year in college with 18 credit hours, I promise you'll want to die every minute of your life. 

I just read through a TON of new comments, and I am so sorry new person, but I feel like I should make it very clear that I advertised this as an opinionated retelling for a reason and that reason is that I hate a lot of people. Like Manwe. And Mandos. And LUTHIEN.

In general, I prefer imperfect characters. I have very little tolerance for shallow Mary Sues who are only perfect, placed on a pedestal, and are expected to be everyone's favorites. 

(And as far as the Valar go I actually have a lot of trauma in regards to being blamed for things I didn't do which MIGHT color my opinion of the whole Feanor situation just a little bit)

That being said. I wouldn't be here if I didn't love Tolkien, right? 

This chapter is dedicated to my friend James, who doesn't have a Wattpad account but should really get one so I can dedicate it properly.

(You're an idiot. Love you <3)

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Hello naughty children it's Thingol and Melian time. 

(Ew)

Where we left off, Maedhros, who is not, in any way, shape, or form in a homosexual relationship Fingon, had just lost a hand and given his crown to his good ol' Uncle Fingolfin, who I actually do quite like so...good choice Maedhros. 

We're first told at the beginning of this paragraph that Mandos was right about some stuff and I don't care. 

Then, we jump right over to Thingol and Menegroth. 

Thingol basically sees all the Noldor coming over into Middle Earth, says "damn, that's a lot of princes, wtf are they doing here," and refuses to let them in. The text seems to suggest that he was worried that somehow they were going to try to take over his kingdom while also being worried that Morgoth would immediately come and fuck his shit up as soon as he let his enchantments down. 

The first part is a little eh. The second part is entirely fair. 

He does, however, allow Finarfin's kids in (so that's the Galadriel Siblings) since their mother is (was?) his niece. 

Angrod of the Crazy Hair was the first one to visit as a messenger for his older brother Finrod, and he conveniently did not explain why they were there or why exactly Feanor and his kids had gotten exiled. Probably because of this, Thingol gave the Noldor permission to hole up in a place called Hithluim, which will serve to be important later so...keep that one in the back of your mind I guess. 

Thingol did specify that he did not want any Noldor living in Doriath, however, unless he specifically invites them to come vibe with him. 

Thingol has boundaries. I'll respect the boundaries. I won't respect 95% of the other shit he does or says but I will respect this. 

Don't get used to it. 

He does justify it by saying that he's lord over Beleriland and he can do whatever he wants which. Ok, sure buddy. For now you are. 

Angrod returned to the Noldor and they had a lil' council, and I feel like their councils hardly ever go well, so this one isn't really an exception. The Noldor -- the Feanorians in particular -- weren't super psyched about Thingol's response to their existence. 

"Cold seemed its welcome to the Noldor, and the sons of Fëanor were angered at the words; but Maedhros laughed, saying: 'A king is he that can hold his own, or else his title is vain. Thingol does but grant us lands where his power does not run. Indeed Doriath alone would be his realm this day, but for the coming of the Noldor. Therefore in Doriath let him reign, and be glad that he has the sons of Finwë for his neighbours, not the Orcs of Morgoth that we found. Elsewhere it shall go as seems good to us.""

I love Maedhros. I really do. 

That's all fine and good and it probably would have ended there, except Caranthir decided to open his big fucking mouth. 

 "'Yea more! Let not the sons of Finarfin run hither and thither with their tales to this Dark Elf in his caves! Who made them our spokesmen to deal with him? And though they be come indeed to Beleriand, let them not so swiftly forget that their father is a lord of the Noldor, though their mother be of other kin.'"

Obviously, the Sons of Finarfin are like "the fuck did you just say to us" and everyone gets mad, and then Maedhros has to be the level-headed one again. (Maglor you're supposed to be the chill one buddy, where u at)

Everyone leaves the council. The brothers go back into their little groups (Maedros and Maglor, Curufin and Celegorm, and then Caranthir either by himself doing fuck all, or with whichever twin isn't dead, I could never figure that out) 

Caranthir actually then just straight up discovers dwarves, and although this should probably be some kind of big revelation, we don't even get more than a quick mention of the fact that like, Dwarves are now a thing, which goes to show, really, that dwarves are inferior to elves and settles a debate I've been having with a few friends. 

Dwarves don't even get their own chapter. Ha. 

Take that, Mim. 

The rest of this chapter seems to go back to it's history textbook tone, and we get less plot and more, like, "here's what some people went and did next."

It's a very weird switch. This chapter isn't PHYSICALLY very long, but it's very information-packed. So much happens. 

I personally would've split it up, put more detail into some things, taken some detail out of other things, and kind of made it more coherent. So I'm going to do a little split here. 

Thank you all for reading! I hope you all are well!

Sarisse out. For now.