Everyone Dies (Except Galadriel)

Important Author's Note

Greetings, readers. If you don't mind, I'd like to request that you look through what I'm about to say before you start on the actual book.

I'd like to go ahead and preface all this by letting everyone know that it is not my intention, in any way, shape, or form to bash J.R.R. Tolkien or try and take away from his greatness. The guy was an amazing author, first off, and he's sort of like my writing hero. I think a lot of writers have that one author that they look up to and are inspired and amazed by, and Tolkien is mine. Please don't take my sarcasm the wrong way.

The whole point of this is to actually be able to spread his genius more and let everyone appreciate all of this stuff that he brought to life. His details and dedication to his writing should inspire all of us. Unfortunately, some of his works can be hard to read, and unless you're super " into it", it can be understood that some people get frustrated with the slower pace or just the wordiness of it all. I think after a while, most Tolkienites get the rhythm of it, and it's kind of like we've figured out how to read the language. The first time I read the Fellowship of the Ring, I nearly gave up three or four times at first.

That's why I'm re-reading every single book of his right here, right now, for you guys. Only this time, I've got my notebook and a pen to write down the sarcastic commentary that I will make on anything, not just these books. I'm not allowed to watch movies with family anymore because I crack jokes and question the logic and make fun of the horrible choices made by the characters. And while doing that, I'm having fun. I thoroughly enjoy being a smartass, and hopefully, you will find my smartass commentary and explanations amusing.

One of the biggest things that most people forget about the Silmarillion is, Tolkien died before he could finish it. It's a really hard read, but that's partly because he just never got the chance to polish phrasing up, resolve loose ends, or finish developing characters. There's so much in there, especially in the way that there's a bit too much description of draws things out, that probably would have been shortened during the editing process. But basically, his son found the drafts for the Silmarillion after his father's death, and he published it so that the rest of us could enjoy his father's last work.

Thus, I'm becoming an editor and bringing you a version that's easier to read (hopefully) and also has some humor in there. There's a point where if you read Fantasy, you have to suspend logic a little bit, and there are always some of us who stops to chuckle or remark upon poorly made choices or things like sing-offs that wouldn't make sense in the real world.

All that being said, here's the necessary disclaimer so I won't get sued or something like that.

The jokes, opinions, and explanations are mine, but everything that involves plot or characters is the work of J.R.R. Tolkien and his series.

I'm here to have fun, and I hope you are too.

Cheers,

Sarissë