Everyone Dies (Except Galadriel)

Chapter 15: Of the Noldor in Beleriand

This chapter is...interesting. Half of it is about building Gondolin, half of it is about Galadriel and her siblings talking to Thingol and like, making him mad? 

Thingol is a bitch to my boy Finrod is what I'm sayin'. 

I'm supposed to be going to bed early because I have to be at work by 6:00am to unload a truck full of freight. 

I'm doing this instead. 

Shoutout to my boyfriend, who wants to be credited as the editor even though he didn't really do anything except chew really loudly at one point. 

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Turgon has become BFFs with Ulmo apparently. 

It's kind of weird to me, tbh, that one of the Valar has become friends with one of the Noldor in exile, and even weirder that after everything that's happened, said Noldo even wants to become friends with a Vala in the first place. 

Unlikely friendships know no boundaries I guess.

So Ulmo and Turgon are BFFs. 

Through Ulmo's "guidance" Turgon finds a "hidden vale" in which to build a city. Apparently, it's so hidden and high up that only Manwe's fancy eagles visit there, which does make it prime real estate. 

(It's free real estate!)

Logistically, it makes me wonder like...if it's so high up that literally nothing except magic godly eagles can visit...it probably wouldn't be suitable to build there? Like? There's a reason why nobody's gone and built a metropolis on the top of Mt. Everest, like you can't breathe up there and it's cold as shit. 

But who needs logic! 

Not Tolkien!

Ulmo then goes on to be like "so I think you're great and all but like there's still the whole Doom thing and I think you should build this city and take all your people there, it will be lit, but also literally because Melkor will burn it down at some point and all of you will die." 

And Turgon is just like. 

Totally ok with this?

Not concerned in the slightest? 

He's just like "thank you bro I'm gonna do that" and then takes like a third of the Noldor off to his doomed city or whatever I guess. 

And then everyone talked about how great this was and Ulmo was just like "ok imma go now bye" and went back to the ocean to do fuck all. 

Does anyone else wonder what the fuck Ulmo does all day? 

Like, we know he never shows up to do anything except twice. And since he doesn't help with the Melkor problem, that leaves him with basically nothing else to deal with, because the singular cause of strife in this world is just Melkor and then the Doomed Noldor(tm).

So what does he do? 

Frolick with the dolphins? No, he seems too uptight for that. 

Bother mariners maybe? I feel like there aren't enough of those for that. 

Read books? But what would he read? What kind of books are published in Arda? Has someone invented the fantasy genre there? Would Earth count as fantasy? 

Since Melkor is everyone's favorite topic do they write fanfiction about him like people write fanfiction about bands and YouTubers and actors? 

Does Ulmo read Melkor fanfiction? 

What kind of fanfiction would Ulmo read? 

Is it gay fanfiction? Is Ulmo reading smut about Melkor and Sauron?