Everyone Dies (Except Galadriel)

Characters: The Lords of the Valar Pt. Why Am I Even Splitting Them Up

Let's face it, people. It's time for me to get off my butt and work on the book I decided to write. Today's not an update day, but...last night's chapter was waaaaaaaay too short. It was sad.

Wimpy.

Unfortunate in length.

Fairly unimpressive.

Plus y'all aren't here to listen to me blather on about the Valar for like three weeks. We have a story to tell.

(Actually, I think it's me who's doing the storytelling, but whatever.)

Sárissë out. 

***

Ok, so let's run through these guys real quick.

Next on the roster is Námo, who everyone calls Mandos even though Mandos is where he lives. Poor dude; that's like walking up to someone who lives in NYC going, "hey New-York-City, long time no see!" 

If someone called me the name of the town I live in, I'd probably hit them over the head with a vase. Just saying.

Anyway, Námo is basically the God of the Underworld. He also can proclaim doom on people, apparently. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, I promise we'll get there) He's pretty powerful but altogether he falls under the list of "if I had to fight one of them I might go with you", honestly. He keeps dead elves' souls in his Halls, which are called...

...wait for it...

The Halls of Mandos. 

Please note that he ONLY lets Elves come there. Humans and whatnot just...yeah whatever, we aren't there yet. 

He's married to this weaver chick who we'll also get to. 

Irmo is Námo's brother and half the time he's called Lorien. Which is also where he lives. 

Maybe it's some weird family tradition. 

Irmo is, according to the Wiki, called these things: "Lord and Master of Dreams, Visions, and Desires, and Creator of the Oloré Mallé, or Path of Dreams."

So the dude's in charge of dreams, basically, and I guess love and...other things?

Irmo and I need to have a chat about these dreams 'cause once I dreamed that my mother was Hillary Clinton and it just got weirder from there. 

Off topic.

Anyway, he's married to Estë who's like, gentle and nice. They're pretty much the world's least scary couple so...add them to that "people I might survive a duel against" list.

Tulkas...ok, so I always found him boring for some reason, but he's like. Very strong. Very scary. He wrestles stuff I guess, and wins because he's called "The Wrestler and the Champion of Valinor". People are scared of him and I'm not going to pretend to be shocked there.

A gigantic god-person who could probably kill me within four seconds is pretty scary in my book.

Then again, I'm not that fit. If I was I wouldn't be here. I'd be running laps or whatever people who do fitness do. 

Once again, off topic. 

I don't really have much to say there, y'all. I got all the fun ones out of the way. 

Last but not least is Oromë the Huntsman and that title should be self-explanatory but basically, he hunts shit. 

He is one of the only Valar in this whole list who's actually helpful. And for that reason, I have decided to appreciate him. He also rides horses, and as an Equestrian...

Oromë has a really big horn that he blows and it's scary. He also has a really cool horse. He liked the Elves so he hung around them a ton, and that's probably why he's the one who helps out the most. He's scary when he's mad. That's the summary. 

Who isn't scary when they're mad, though?

...well, besides me. You people have probably figured out that I'm like, the least threatening person on Earth. 

That's the Lords, though. Let's run through the ladies, and then we'll get right back into the story.

Now I'm talking like an Elementry School teacher. 

Probably a good place to stop talking.