Everyone Dies (Except Galadriel)

The Quenta Silmarillion: The Beginning of Days, Pt. 1

"Of the Beginning of Days". In case everything that came before this wasn't beginning enough. We just got through two extra chapters of beginnings, and now we have more beginnings because beginnings are the best place to begin. 

"It is told among the wise that the First War began before Arda was full-shaped, and ere yet there was any thing that grew or walked upon earth..."

That's not me, that's a quote. In case you thought the writings of the master of the whole Fantasy genre were actually written by me.

So the first time we have a war here in Arda, the world basically didn't even exist yet. If that doesn't spell out "doomed to be full of catastrophic violence" then I don't know what does. 

It was all Melkor's fault. Shocking.

In this war between the Valar, Melkor was winning until that really strong guy Tulkas finally decided to show up. Tulkas was laughing really creepily and that was enough to make Melkor run away to the "outer darkness" where Tolkien literally tells us that he sat and brooded. 

"...Melkor brooded in the outer darkness..." (In case you thought I was kidding)

After the war, the Valar got back to making the world cool. During this time, Yavanna--that's Earth lady--planted some lamps. Yes, she planted them. From seeds. And apparently, they were some pretty sick lamps because everyone rejoiced, and everyone pitched in to make them super cool, in particular, Varda and Manwë, because of course Mr. and Mrs. Perfect had to be a part of this super duper great...thing. It was always daytime because these were some really really powerful lamps. Tolkien is sure to remind us that it's the good kind of daytime. 

After the lamps were created, all sorts of trees and mountains and grassy...plains...and all that great stuff sprouted. 

The Valar decided to chill for a while after all that because they were tired. During this time, Melkor was still brooding; make no mistake, though, this was not unproductive brooding, oh no. He knew about everything that was happening because he had spies among the maiar, whom Tolkien says he "perverted". I'm going off the assumption that this is a fancy way of saying that he made them evil. 

Then, because Tulkas was sleeping and therefore couldn't really do anything, Melkor came out and dug a hole. 

That's a really, really simplified way of putting it, but he...dug a hole.

In this hole he built a massive fortress called Angband; he did this in the north so everything was really really cold. You should note that Mordor looks pale in comparison to this place. It was underneath the mountains and all of the plant life and meadows and whatnot started dying. 

Now before all of this, the light of the lamps was so bright that the Valar didn't even notice Melkor building an enormous fortress. But when the land started dying they did finally realize that something was up and they weren't pleased. They all came to confront Melkor but he ran away. 

He does that. A lot, it seems. 

He managed to escape after destroying the Valar's original "house", after which Manwë yelled into the wind, which was intimidating, but didn't do much. 

Melkor wasn't the only one scared shitless, though, so the Valar all decided to leave Middle Earth until the Elves were created. They went and created Valinor, which is where they built homes, palaces, gardens, and lots of other pretty spectacular architecture. 

Melkor: 1

Valar: 0

That's where I'll leave y'all for now.