Save my heart (Sunstreaker)

* Chapter 19. True colors *

"Paige?"

I woke up in the couch. "What have you done?" I looked around. "He probably lost his memory so... don't worry too much about it," he said and helped me sit up. Blood was kinda everywhere. "Come on, chatty." He flashed me a smile but I couldn't tell if it was fake or not. "And now?' He looked over his shoulder. "I don't know... he probably dies due to blood loss or something."
I laid my hand on his arm. "Sunny please. He doesn't have to die," I said. "Oh, because he's so nice to you?" He mocked. I sighed. "You should be some harder for others, Paige," he mocked. "Fine."

Sunstreaker called up and stopped my father from bleeding. "Happy?" He mocked. I slowly got up and looked down at my dad. "What is it?" He mocked. "Nothing, nothing." He snorted, "it doesn't sound like 'nothing' I spooked you, didn't I?" He laughed. "You know me, Paige. You know what it means to be around me. I think you know me better than anyone else at the base," he mocked. I snorted. Sunstreaker grabbed my jaw and forced me to look at him. His eyes were hard and emotionless. "You spent a couple of days with me because you trusted me."

"True..." I cracked. I hadn't really seen his attitude change like this before. It only shows that people around me are right and I am obsessed with a sick psychopath. Sunstreaker let go of my jaw. "So Ben, huh?" He asked. "Didn't I tell you he's a childhood friend..."
"You hate him."
Sunstreaker sat down and rested his left ankle on his right knee while playing with the cleaver. "He used to be nice, but he seemed to have changed in a... I don't know. Selfish brat," I mocked. "I am selfish." I rolled my eyes, "it's not the same. It's different," I stated in a matter-of-fact tone. "Different how, Paige? Isn't it all the same thing?" He asked. "No, Sunny. It's not the same. Like... he used to be different and he's trying to hook on me but— he's not—"

"Me?"

"Yeah, he's not you," I sulked and turned away. "You actually fell head over toes for me and now you can't focus on any other mech anymore?" He asked to confirm. "No, it's just... I don't think I will ever find someone just as handsome, strong and smart as you."
"That's the same thing but thank you for pointing it out," he mocked. "This is a mess... I am a mess. What am I supposed to do now? My ok is going to freak out if she sees you here, covered in blood with my father—" Sunny cut me off. "You need to chill out a little bit, Chatty. It's not my first victim so I know what I am doing, okay?"

Sunstreaker got up. "We will talk about Ben later let's clean this up first." Sunstreaker passed me. "Why are you so sure he forgot about what happened?" I asked. "It's something Ratchet designed for us. We are a secret and if humans know or have seen us by accident we use to wipe out their memory for the last 24 to 48 hours. So, don't worry, he'll completely forget about me and he has an hand less to harm you."

"Why do you want him to forget?"
"It's all part of my game, chatty."
"What game are you playing?"
"A sick game."

I shivered at his response and watched him take care of a few things before he took me to his alt-mode. "I called 911 so don't worry, it'll be okay." Sunstreaker drove off and I just sat back, listening to the sound of his powerful V12 engine. "You're crazy." He laughed at that, "yeah, I know. I am madness. That's why people are so afraid of me."
"Don't you ever get tired of yourself?" He snorted, "no, I actually really enjoy what I am doing. It's a hobby, like drawing."

"Don't you feel guilt?"

"Absolutely not. There's not feeling. I don't feel anything when I slice people's throat open or rip their organs out. I just feel nothing but thrill. Optimus had no idea how many people I killed. The count is way higher than he knows and it stays like that." He gave me a look. I only nodded, last thing I want is to argue with him in this mood. He has such a split personality, but it's all part of his psycho charms. "I like it when girls are all over me. Doesn't happen often."

"You wonder why?" I scoffed. "I know why. I can't be trusted, I am a serial killer and I enjoy what I do. The few girls I had are dead." I frowned, "why are they dead? Did they piss you off?" I asked. "No, I just woke up one morning and I looked at her... something inside of me told me to kill so that's what I did and the second one, we were together for a year and... the second one, we were dating for about a year and she kept pushing me to interface. I didn't want to interface with her. She was trying to seduce me and one day, I ripped her spark out."

"Why didn't you want to interface?"

"It gives me bad memories from my childhood I guess. I hate myself for it," he sighed. His attitude changed again and he really seemed to be upset about it. "It's not bad, you know. You shouldn't hate yourself for it."
"But I am a mech," he snorted. "So? Interfacing doesn't change who you are. What's the fun of it if you're not comfortable? If it gives you bad memories than you shouldn't do it until you feel comfortable enough."

"Perhaps. I just feel like a complete idiot and I don't have many people who actually like me for what I am. I want to be left alone but at the same time I want to know what it feels like to have someone I can share everything with. My psycho side doesn't always allow me to be what I want to be and if I am angry or upset I kill people. Sideswipe told me the same thing about interfacing but he doesn't have problems and I do. I just completely freak out. It makes me feel weak."

"It's really not a big deal, Sunstreaker. You shouldn't be so hard for yourself." He smiled weakly before looking back at the road. His gaze hardened again and told me he's done talking about. It surprised me told me this insider. He's not the one to share a lot of things, especially when it comes to personal and private problems.