Aera

Always and Forever LJ

"And Cut!"

The Director yells out, while I straighten out my posture.

"That's a wrap for today!"

Some of the crew members clap at the news and I do too but I have a slight frown on my face.

It's been well over a month and a half, and we're getting closer and closer to finishing "TATB" and honesty it doesn't feel real.

It seems like I was just given the role of Laura Jean and now I'm already going to say goodbye to her? I've spent my time complaining a lot about working, but as the final days of production near closer and closer, I don't want to say goodbye.

I feel like I haven't taken advantage of the project I was given. This was the project that launched my acting career, it helped me gain a big following in the states, made me improve myself as a person. 

I feel disappointed in myself. I really need to get a hold of myself and start giving my work all of my attention. There are millions of other people who would like to be in my position, so I need to learn to cherish my work.

Have I lost my self?

I never use to complain... I never use to break the rules...so what kind of person have I become?

"are you okay?" I hear Rosie's sweet but concerned voice speak up.

Looking up I see her approach me while I'm surprised of her appearance.

She tries to dodge all the crew members who were taking down the set so it takes her a while to reach me but once she does she pulls me in for a hug.

"You look deep in thought" She tells me while I just nod my head.

"Just going over my recent attitude and work ethic" I mumble while the both of us begin walking to my trailer. "I don't know... I seem to be more moody when it comes to working huh?" I turn to ask her while she purses her lips and thinks about her answer.

...

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"I can't answer that"  She finally says something and I just nod my head slowly 

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"I don't know how you feel on the inside, but if you feel tired then it's understandable...I mean we were going years with one comeback...and now you've been working all year long...it's different work paste so you're probably burnt out"

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"Does it show?" I ask her worried, have I been letting my work slip?

"Do you feel good about your performance?" She doesn't answer my question but instead follows it up with a question herself.

...

Hmm... I guess I could have done better on Frozen...I also could have done better on "The Liar and His Lover"... and...what else have I worked on?

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"Umm...when the reviews for "the Liar and His lover" came out...well it wasn't the response I wanted" I tell Rosie once we finally reach my trailer and she sits down on my couch while I begin undressing myself.

"Like, they weren't bad reviews but on the inside...I don't feel happy with the project" I whisper while Rosie just listens to me quietly, "And I mean it's my fault...I shouldn't have taken on the role if I wasn't fully committed to the show...I mean I couldn't even remember the shows name! So...I guess I have been slacking off" I finally reveal