Beautiful Chaos

{part four | chapter seven}

Finally, after an fun yet entirely exhausting day, Lilith was dressed in a creamy white, silk nightgown and snuggled beneath the covers. Her face was clean and her hair was braided once more. The ladies in waiting Loki had assigned to her had been his mother's, so her hair was down and smelled of rose oils, and her face felt smooth and fresh after the multiple step skin care routine they had carried out. The doors to the balcony were wide open so she could gaze out at the stars and the dimming lights of the city, and the cool, refreshing night air crept into the large bed chambers.

"Lilith? Are you still awake?" The green light illuminated the room as Loki materialized somewhere behind her in his silky black pajama pants and matching robe.

"Yes." She felt him press a kiss to her bare shoulder and then another to her temple.

"You should sleep, Darling. It's been a long day."

"I know."

"I'll be reading if you need me," The god said quietly, and a dim light appeared by the chaise lounge he had fallen asleep in during the previous night.

"Loki?"

"Hm?" She heard a page turn.

"It's cold," She said, closing her eyes and nestling deeper into the covers.

"Yes, I suppose it is quite chilly." She heard him stand and close the terrace doors with a gentle click. He was at her side again, tucking her hair behind her ear in that soothing, gentle motion that he had used before, "Better?"

"Not really," She rolled over so she could face him and moved so there was room for him to crawl in next to her. She whispered, "Love me, I'm cold."

"Oh. Darling..." He smiled slightly, "could I tell you something?"

"Anything," The god searched for the right words, but he couldn't find them. All too quickly, he stood from the edge of the bed where he was kneeling and moved away from her.

"I- I'll get you some more blankets."

"Loki..."

"I'll be back in a moment."

"Wait-" But he had already vanished in a flash of green light. She curled up and rolled back over to stare at the sky. When he returned to the room she was still awake.

"Lilith?" She didn't respond. After a moment, the god leaned over the bed to see if she was still awake, and frowned upon realizing that she was ignoring him, "Lilith."

"Yes?"

"I brought you another blanket. Are you still cold?"

"Yes."

"Has something upset you?"

"No."

"Don't lie to me." Lilith sat up straight and practically scowled at him. He was taken aback at her expression at first, but soon he began to chuckle at her. He ran the tip of his little finger along the bridge of her nose, which was scrunched up slightly. As he did so, her annoyed pout disappeared and a sad expression replaced it, "What's the matter, Darling?"

"Just tell me. You can tell me anything."

"Darling..." He began.

"No. Don't argue with me, you'll lose, trust me. Just get into bed. Please tell me. Please." The god sighed, a bittersweet smile crawling onto his features. Loki rolled his eyes and climbed into the sheets.

"Fine. In the morning." Lilith huffed in frustration but turned her body towards him as he wrapped his arms around her torso anyways. She snuggled close to his chest and breathed in. He smelled like the wintertime. Snow and fresh soil and the cold. She shivered slightly as she came into contact with the cool skin of his exposed chest and his icy fingertips trailed up and down her spine.

"Why are you so cold?"

"I told you, I'll tell you in the morning."

"And I don't want to pry. But..."

"You're not going to love me anymore."

"Don't you dare start," Lilith mumbled into the fabric of his robe.

"I don't want to ruin this."

"You won't."

"Lilith, I-" He wanted to tell her. He really, truly did. But when she pulled back from his embrace and met his eyes... How could he? How could he tell the woman he loved more than power, more than life itself that he was some grotesque creature?

"Tell me," she whispered. He saw nothing but curiosity and love within the deep, honey-brown pools of her irises. He found safety within her gaze.

"I... I'm not what you think I am, Darling."

"What do you mean?"

"It's horrible, really. I'm adopted." He tried in vain to blink back his tears. He felt disgusting.

"So?" Her brow was furrowed.

"My father... he slaughtered my people and took me as his prize. I was more of a spoil of war than a son. I am a Jotun. A frost giant. A monster. I use magic to conceal what a I truly look like and... feel like, because... I hate myself." Lilith's hand came up to caress his face. She wiped the tears from his cheeks and moved closer to him so she could pepper kisses across his skin until she had pecked every part of his face. She pressed her forehead to his and brought his cold hand into her own warm grasp.

"You are not a monster or a war spoil or anything remotely close to those things. I love you. And I'll keep loving you until the galaxy is ripped to pieces. I love you, I love you, I love you."

"Lilith," He whispered.

"Yes?"

"I want to show you."

"Okay." The god took in a shaky breath, steadying his nerves.

"Close your eyes. Please." Lilith did as he asked and smiled slightly when she felt him press a kiss to her forehead. She heard him shift and felt the mattress move as he stood from the bed. A few moments later, he spoke, "Alright. You can look now." Lilith opened her eyes and what she saw was not frightening or monstrous as he had described. The god's skin was a beautiful shade of blue -the kind you can only see on a cold winter morning- and patterned with intricate designs. She sat up slowly, the sheets slipping off of her shoulders as she stood and moved towards him. He was looking at the floor, refusing to make eye contact .

"Loki," She whispered, placing a hand on his cheek to trace the patterns there. He flinched slightly at her touch and she frowned, "Loki. Look at me. Please." Slowly, very slowly, the god raised his head until their eyes finally met. Lilith's gaze widened at the drastic contrast of red against blue. Each eye was entirely red, a bright color that surrounded deep black irises.

"Oh my..." Her exclamation was barely loud enough to hear.

He tore his stare away from hers and began to mumble, "I'm sorry, I- I shouldn't have-"

"Shh..." she hushed, running her finger pads across a particularly intricate pattern, "I think you are absolutely beautiful." She stood up on her tip-toes and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. When she pulled away, she pressed their foreheads together and smiled, "Let's go to bed."

"Alright, Darling." The god responded, voice shaking with emotion. The blue and red melted away to reveal the soft, pale skin and bright-green eyes she had come to know and love. They situated themselves once more beneath the sheets and blankets and comforter. Lilith cuddled close to the god and sighed contentedly.

"I've always liked the colder seasons better. And it's scientifically proven that sleeping in a colder room can improve your sleep quality anyways." Loki smiled as he tucked the top of the woman's head under his chin. She mumbled one last thing before she finally drifted off to sleep in his arms, "I'll keep you warm, my love."