UNDESIRED BRIDE. (Darkened Brides Book Series #3)

50: Wide open box but closed book.

SIYANSHA.

"No Dad, I don't want to talk with you! You grounded me, punished me, and yelled at me. For your fucking whore!"

"Respect Siyansha. I didn't do it because of Chaya. I did it because I wanted to teach you Basic Morals!" He yelled at me, startling me startled. I lost it here! Again.

"Morals!!?"I asked him hysterically. "What morals Dad? The moral you don't have??" I asked him walking two feet closer to him. "If you have so!? Where was it when you were cheating on Mom!!? Where was it when you were betraying your family??" I asked him!!?? Screaming and shouting, "When you decided to ruin mom's happiness?? When you decided to ruin my and Kritika's happiness??!! When you labelled mom a worthless wife when you labelled as a cheater daughter??!! Where was it??? Morals you are talking about???" I started to laugh loudly. "If you had any why were you doing it in a hotel bathroom? I mean you could have taken her hotel room. Why fucking bathroom??? So we could find out???! Because one way or another we also would have found out if someone else said you. So where were your morals, Dad?? You ruined our life. Your fucking act." I made him realize that what he did was never right.

"Right??" He said and started to laugh, "You care about your mom's happiness that got ruined because of me. You care about yours and Kritka's happiness that got ruined because of me." He emotionally emphasized, "But what about my happiness Siyansha? Did you ever care about my happiness?" He asked me. And wow, I couldn't stop myself from clapping loudly. I did, walking around the whole circle,

"Your happiness?? Now even you are against me, for that Chaya. Right? When did I never care about your happiness?? I cared about everyone's happiness, I killed myself every day for everyone's happiness.

Especially yours Dad!!"

I said poking at his chest. My eyes were buried in his.

"When you were busy in happiness with Chaya. I raised Kritika, I did everything for her. You knew how fragile she was. And how much everything could have done with her. But I raised her dad. When you were busy with Chaya and Mom in coping, I grew her. I took care of her meals, to bullying we received because our father was a cheater, from her nightmares she got because of Saya. And everything else in the world. Like a fucking mother. I raised her dad for your happiness. " I called out to him, couldn't hold back myself.

"For your happiness, I got beaten up every day from Saya, from what not?? Sometimes with a rod, or either burning specula, getting hit by her hand or leg or chairs sometimes. Took in everything. When she found out about you bringing Chaya as a wife in the house. I took in everything. Because I agreed with you bringing her in. For your happiness Dad." I yelped, as I tried to make him realise what he was saying.

" I was the one, or to say. I am the one looking out for everyone, caring for everyone. Everyday. I let Mom beat the shit out of me when she found you in the hotel and brought me home, tied me to the bedside and hit me with your real leather belt. And I let her. Whenever she used to get frustrated after that, I let her cut my hair in nothing making me bald at my peak years, I let her cut marks on my body with a knife, which I hid with tattoos all those years, wearing black and full clothes. All those years. Because I cared for her. I thought that no, it's okay, it's okay, she is hurt, she hurting broken and scattered. I let her do everything with me. Because I cared.

When after me she used to go to Kritika for hurting her. I ran towards her begging her not to. I ran towards her, taking Kritika's share of pain too. When for Kritika she had saved another kind of torture, first giving wounds and cuts, and then making me sew them with my own hands. Pushing a needle in myself back and forth, without any anaesthesia, Dad! That's what I have done.  For mom, for Kritika, and you. And they all are standing against me now. Even though I have given my everything to them. They are standing against me. Kritika burning me down, for god knows what reasons. Mom trying to bring me towards her forcefully with petty things to trample on you. And now you are locking me up for your fucking wife!! Dad." I started to laugh.

"You are blaming me standing here, saying I don't care about your happiness??? It was your happiness that when I agreed to your marriage with Chaya in October." My, mind renewed all that happened before clouding me.

"It was October when you were getting married, and Saya took me into her apartment, tied a fucking belt around my neck and hers checked both of us and hung us to the ceiling. Your happiness Dad. You were getting married while I was dying with a belt around my neck hanging from a ceiling, choking for air. She tried to suicide with me. Your happiness. Locking us in a room where nobody could enter. That trauma happens every year after that day in October. Every year. I got diagnosed with S.A.D. so every October, I lock myself in the room and try to find ways to kill myself. Because I am messed up. I am traumatized. For your happiness!! When you were celebrating your wedding night, I was suffering in a hospital fighting for my life. For your happiness." I cried first time in my entire life.

I cried.

First time in my entire life, tears streamed out from my eyes. Even with all the trauma and pain with mom and another incident. I never cried. But I did. Today.

"Dad!! For your all happiness. I have done everything I could. I got hurt innumerable times. That the nerve in my head is blocked. And I can't feel physical pain. You can do whatever with my body and I don't feel a thing." I said, as I walked towards the block of apple with a knife and slid my hands everyone screaming and crying out for me.  But my face had no sense of awareness of what my body was going through. I stopped everyone from my hand.

"See! I don't feel anything." I shook my head with a wide smile on my face.
"Along with emotion, my struggle, my life, my sister, my mother, my father, even my body have started to betray me. Leave me. Unhitched."

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This is the most crucial and hard CHAPTER I have ever written.

I never had to go through that deeply as much as I had to write this.

I don't know if I was successful in conveying the feelings. But I tried my best.

Hope you feel what I was feeling while writing.