Left or Right

Chapter 1

James's POV:

"And a 5, 6,7 8," Kate yells from one side of the room for Giselle, West, Max, Michelle and I to perform our small group routine in front of the rest of A-Troupe. Since Riley left, we've had to replace her in most of the dances and as hurtful as it is to be moving on from her so quickly, we all share mutual feelings about wanting to be the best when we show up at Internationals and to be the best means being prepared. 

I now did my lifts with Michelle in all dances instead of Ri, Thalia and Eldon were given the tiebreaker duet, Giselle was female soloist and for the quartet, Cierra, Steph, Giselle and Michelle all agreed to swap Michelle and Ri around for Amanda and Thalia. It was only fair, considering Michelle and Amanda were both alternates and had made a decision to share out their roles as understudies.

Towards the end of the dance, we all stay in our positions, our arms in a frozen wave and bodies crouched slightly. Kate tells us to hold it, counting up to five seconds before telling us to release ourselves, which we shortly do so. Pulling myself up again, I smile and scratch the back of my neck as the rest of A-Troupe applauds us. Usually, whenever we finished a dance, I would go up to Riley and hug her as a way of saying 'well done' but ever since she left for Montreal, three months ago, I haven't been able to even just look at her, let alone cuddle her. It's created an undoubtful strain inside of me I didn't even know could pain me so much.

When Miss Kate leaves after a couple of minutes to go and teach a J-Troupe class, Michelle, Thalia, Eldon, West and Giselle gather around me. They each have looks of apprehension on their faces and I could only guess why. They've been acting weird around me for the past couple of weeks now, but I would be lying if I was to say I didn't know the reason.

"So, James," Eldon begins to say uneasily. He looks at Thalia who's arm was wrapped around his as their hands were linked. When Riley left, I decided to let my guard down. Seeing as I wasn't sure about my own relationship at the moment, I didn't think it would be wise to try and control my best friend's one. He and Thalia have yet to establish their relationship but from what I know, it's more of a platonic one than a romantic one for now.

"How are you doing?" Giselle asks finally, breathing in through her teeth. Michelle nods.

"Yeah . . . have you spoken to Riley at all lately?" 

I shake my head no and they all sigh, frown or bite their lips. I hadn't seen Riley in what was only fourteen weeks but felt like a lifetime. I'd seen a couple of her Instagram posts and I'd liked them just as much as she repeatedly liked mine. I commented a few emojis, some red love-hearts or words that read 'missing you Xx' but that was about it. She replied to a few of my messages and I'd been contemplating calling her but didn't because I didn't want to seem desperate no matter how badly I was. 

I couldn't tell if we were still in a relationship, trying to make things work, or if we were just going to end up drifting apart like we already have done and not see each other again.

"So what's the deal with you guys? Are you still together or . . . ?" West asks slowly. Again, I remain silent and shrug in all honesty. I didn't know if we were still together. As much as I wish we were, it was hard for me to communicate with the girl I wish I could call my girlfriend and therefore I have no idea how she feels about us. 

Eldon pats my back lightly. "You'll be okay, man. You wanna come with us? We're going to teach some hip-hop choreo to the J-Troupers," he says but I decline.

"Nah, I've got band practice. I told Luke I'd meet him for two o'clock, so I've got about five minutes to get there." West nods in understanding and Eldon smiles at me as they walk off, making their way over to Max. Michelle and Giselle had gone over to Thalia and as soon as they knew they had gone, I headed out of the studio and towards the staircase.

The truth is, I didn't have band. I was just missing Riley too-much and needed to get away before I came across as a stray kitten following them around helplessly. I missed her and needed her and as much as I had been a jerk towards her in the past and as much as she got on my nerves at the worst of times by befriending Ella, it was her I loved and I knew how much she loved me back. I couldn't understand her a couple of weeks ago when she was behaving differently but now that she's gone, I understand her more than I ever have done in the past. 

I couldn't see it before but now that she's no longer here I'm beginning to realise how lonely she was. I forfeited the battle for her but doing that and quitting A-Troupe only made us drift further apart. Emily fractured her ligaments so she could no longer dance, then Michelle's been all over the place lately and despite being Ri's best friend, they hardly got to see each other because of how much Michelle was transitioning from one house to the other, and then not long later I left too. 

I also know for a fact that during our time getting ready for Nationals, Hunter and Riley had grown quite fond of each other in a platonic sibling way since he and Emily were dating but he left too. Riley had lost her sister, brother, boyfriend and best friend and I was idiotic enough to take her behaviour out on her when I should have taken it out on me. 

She was only befriending Ella because she needed a friend. A friend neither one of the four of us could be for her in that current time because I let my head talk its way into my heart and replace my love for her with music. What sucks is how I'm only realising this now that she's gone and I'm lonely myself. Without her, I'm nothing. She brings out the best in me and now that she's gone, my worst qualities are coming through.

Heading up the staircase, I eventually reach the third floor. It was forbidden territory but had always been mine and Riley's spot. We would sit here and chat for hours from sunrise to sunset, make-out in secret and escape the chaos of A-Troupe, and I even wrote all of my songs which are about her up on this roof. 

Walking along the ground, I sit down against the sill in the beige and burgundy brick wall. There was enough room for two people to sit down - the perfect amount of space for Riley and I. As I sat, I leant forward and held my head in my hands, purely just thinking about her. 

I thought about her beautiful hazel eyes, her gorgeous smile, the way her hand slipped perfectly into mine with her fingers fitting through the gaps like a jigsaw puzzle. I thought about our hugs, our memories, our goodnight chit-chats and our good morning kisses. 

It was stolen moments like those that made my heart ache for her. It was the moments where when they were happening, I wouldn't have thought of it to be such a great memory, but now in the future I'm realising just how special they were.

Pulling my phone out of my black jogger pocket, I opened it up with my fingerprint to be met with the photo of Riley reaching up and kissing my cheek when we were at the beach with my family during the holidays. She was just as cute as ever and looking at her face, I found I couldn't help it anymore and clicked onto her profile which I had saved in my emergency contacts and read through our recent text messages.

I pressed call and put the phone against my ear, listening to the rings. It was a lost cause and I had lost all hope in her answering. If she hadn't answered in a whole three months, what were the chances of her answering now?

I was about to break the phone away from my ear but when I did, I heard an echo. I switched off my speaker phone and listened again, much more concentratedly, and I could still hear it: the rings, the pauses, all in time with my own phone as it rung. 

Looking up, I craned my neck towards the door to see if anyone had followed me and if this 'secret spot' of ours had been revealed. I waited a couple of seconds before the rings came to an end at the same time as my phone did and out appeared Riley. I stared at her in shock.

She looks at me and smiles softly, her arms folded across her chest.

"Riley?" I question. I couldn't believe it.

Her cheeks reddened and she bit her lower lip. "I had a feeling you'd be up here."