Left or Right

Chapter 37

.Riley.

"Nate, please," I breathe out, begging him as led me by the hand away from the venue and out to the parking lot. "I can't go back there, I can't," I whisper, tears building up in my eyes while he dragged me along with him.

"I don't care, Riley. You're coming back," he spits at me before pushing my head forwards, forcing me into the front passenger seat of his car after he had unlocked it and opened the door for me.

Locking the door shut, he walks around to the other side and gets into the drivers seat with nothing but a stern expression written amongst his facial features.
It was a part of him I'd been glad I didn't have to see everyday until now...

"We're going to Jonathan's house first for you to grab your things, then we're going straight to the airport. No excuses," he snaps, keeping his eyes sealed on the road while I sat there, thinking of what to do.
He had taken my phone away from me and hidden it somewhere in one of his bags in the boot. I had no access to contacting anyone at all.

"For the last time, his name is James!" I shout out to him, slamming my hands down on the compartment containing the airbag in front of me.
My seatbelt was the only constraint right now and I should have been thankful. With the way Nate was speeding through the traffic lights, I would have been dead without any source of a restraint.

"Whatever your precious little boy's name is. He doesn't matter anymore and he never has mattered. He's nothing but a childhood sweetheart of yours, Riley. You're eighteen now, you need to grow up," he spits at me, making my muscles tighten, my body twitching every now and then.
I need to grow up...

That was exactly the last thing Dad had said to me before I decided to run away from them and head back here. This place is my home, it's where I spent all of my childhood. I don't want to grow up...

I silence myself, looking out of the window as I lose my train of thought. Maybe Nate was right. Maybe James really didn't matter. What if all he's ever been to me really is a childhood sweetheart? Do I really see myself having a future with him?
I always have done. I expected to marry him, to have him be the father to my babies and I would love more than anything to settle down with him but what if that's not what he wants?

He told me he loves me today, but what if that's not true?

"He doesn't mean it," Nate begins to say again, tilting his head sideways a little, almost like he had read my mind.
But I wasn't really sure if I wanted to listen to what he had to say right now...

"He only spent the day with you today because you were supposed to be the soloist. He caught you harming yourself, Riley. He was only with you today to make sure you didn't do it again because if you did, you would have lost enough blood to pass out then you wouldn't have been able to dance. He only spent time with you to make sure you wouldn't fail the team. He only cares about winning, not about you."

"That's not true," I whisper, turning my head around to look at him.
I don't know why... I don't know why I was even bothering to listen to him but I was. I just couldn't help it. There was something about Nate that held so much authority, if I didn't listen I was scared I was in the wrong.

I'd rather be told the truth than forever be lying to myself.

"How did you know I was out with him today?" I ask him, turning my head around to face him properly as his hands got more rigid, gripping the steering wheel.
He didn't look at me once and for that, I was glad. I couldn't let myself be submissive to him again. If that happens then it's game over.

"I know everything," he says, his voice gravelly. 

He continued to speed and took a quick glance down at my arm which I had spent time bandaging up last night. But he knew he was right. I had asked the dumbest of questions. He was Nate; he knew everything.
As he looks at the remnants of what I had done to myself, he smirks, knowing he was correct about James.

What if it was true? What if he only bothered to spend time with me today for the good of the team?

Maybe he won't even bother showing up since I can't perform. Someone else will have to step in for me, most likely Giselle. She was the one who originally auditioned for female soloist before I arrived and stole it from her.
The team don't need me. James doesn't me.

Maybe it really is better off if I was to just leave, permanently.

Nate's hand moves to my thigh and he rubs it, as if to coax me, but it wasn't a subtly rub like James tends to give. 
It was the sort of touch that made me feel uncomfortable.

"He doesn't love you," he tells me, his voice ringing at the back of my head like bells. "Not like I do. Just come home with me, sweetheart. It's where you're better off."

I lick my lower lip, shaking my head and closing my eyes. 
He was right... I'm better off in Montreal where people actually want me. I don't need to be here. All I've done since being here is cause unnecessary trouble.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to him as he looks at me disappointedly. "I'm so sorry," I breathe out.

He nods his head and moves his hand to my hair, stroking it in a way I'd forgotten about since I first got here.
"It's okay, Ri. I forgive you," he tells me before bringing my hand up to his lips to kiss the back of it, making me squirm in my seat.

All I ever do is disappoint everyone.
Am I not enough for anyone other than Nate?