Left or Right

Chapter 10

Riley's POV:

Sitting in the guest room on my bed, I scrolled through all the missed calls I had received from multiple different people. I'd already read all of Nate's texts but hadn't replied to any of them and it was clear he wasn't going to leave it alone. Not only had he spammed my messages, he'd spammed my Instagram DMs too, as well as my voicemail. I had a feeling this would happen but I didn't think me leaving Montreal would lead to this much harassment.
It was twelve o'clock in the afternoon on a Wednesday and Deborah had taken the girls out on a shopping trip. James and I were the only ones home, yet I hadn't spoken to him ever since I told him to leave me alone. It's not that I don't want him to know, but that I'm scared of what will happen if he was to know. How would he react? How am I supposed to tell the guy I still have feelings for that there's another guy in the picture? I can't watch his emotions crumble like that.

As I'm sat contemplating everything, I get a knock on the door and obviously, there was only one person it could be. Without even waiting for my response, he turns the door knob and takes one step inside at the same time as I look up, causing me to sigh.
"Can I come in?" James asks gently and I bite my lip, putting my phone aside and shuffling up along the bed. As he closes the door behind him to keep the room as insulated as possible, he takes a seat down beside me and I begin to fiddle with my fingers. He stares at my gestures for a few seconds while the two of us sit in a cold silence. I swear I was getting goose-bumps just from the tension in the air.
"Has your mom contacted you?" he asks, shuffling around to somewhat lose that tension. I nod my head but keep my eyes focused on my hands.
"I haven't spoken to either of my parents yet," I tell him and he reciprocates my actions by nodding also. 

It goes silent again and there was only one question circling around in my mind. A question I felt the need to ask to know if I was in the right or wrong. I needed someone to reassure me that I was still sane by running away. I need someone to corroborate with me and tell me it was a perfectly rational thing to do.
 "Do you disagree with what I did?" I ask, finally bringing myself to look up at him. His head lifts up and he looks at me, straight into my eyes as I look into his own.
"Riley, I don't even know what you did. I don't have a clue what's going on-"
"I know, but . . ." I try to back myself up until I realise that I couldn't explain a thing to him without explaining everything. And going into the full story was one of the things I really didn't want to do. 

He studies my facials for a moment and then shuffles up even closer, so close that he wraps his arm around my body and pulls me into him so that I could rest my head on his shoulder. Appreciating him being here, I resist the urge of backing away and instead I give in to his much-loved touch. Leaning my head against him, I close my eyes lightly and make use of the silence fulfilling me right now until he begins to speak again.
"Why did you run away, Ri?" he asks quietly into my ear, his lips grazing the bottom of my lobe. "What are you not telling me?"

"I just can't go back there, James," I mumble into his dark black t-shirt. "You make me go back there and you'll regret it."
"What happened? You can tell me anything, babe-"
"Don't," I tell him sternly, reopening my eyes and narrowing them as I look at him. "Please, do not make this any harder than it already is. You think I like lying to my parents? You think I don't want to kiss you right now? You think I want to be in this position? Because I don't, James! I . . . I just can't do this anymore. I can't wake up seeing your face every day, knowing that I've ruined absolutely everything," I tell him, allowing a tear to escape my eye. Sometimes tears are like the rain: unpredictable, yet full of salvation. You let the drops roll and depression take its toll until the sun comes out. With tears, you just let them consume you to relieve all the stress. 

"Riley, what have you done? You're not making any sense to me right now," he says and I sigh again. Pulling my legs up and holding my knees against my chest, I curl my body into a round ball and allow myself to fall into James's arms. He breathes out and wraps his arms tightly around me, his cotton t-shirt like a warm blanket, only making me miss us all the more.

"I just want things to go back to how they were," I whisper. "But I can't. Because I've ruined things between us more than you ever could when you kissed Beth."
He takes that sentence in for a moment and allows silence to fill the room before he speaks up a few seconds later.
"Are you with someone?" he whispers. I shrug.
"Whether I'm even with him or not is beyond debatable."