Left or Right

Chapter 34

.Riley.

After James had found out what I had been doing to myself yesterday, I chose to distant myself away from him even more. Away from everyone for that matter.
Mom had tried calling me multiple times this morning too but I didn't let her get through to me. I couldn't let her talk to me. She would only mess with my head to the point where I'd do something I'd later regret, just like I did last night.

I skipped breakfast this morning as well because I wasn't in the mood to eat anything at all. The thought of eating did nothing but make me feel sick to the extent where I genuinely felt like throwing up.
I was running on an empty stomach but I was okay. For now...

We all met downstairs at the main venue where we were told to meet each morning after breakfast. 
I looked at Harry from out of the corner of my eye when I could feel him looking over me and when our eyes meet, I instantly look back down, crossing my arms over my chest to try and avoid eye-contact with him.

Once everyone had gathered here, Kate begun to instruct us all on what was happening today and what the expectations were but as she was talking, Harry silently made his way over to me before placing his hand lightly on the small of my back, still with enough unwanted pressure to make me squirm.
"You okay?" he whispers into my ear. "I didn't see you at breakfast."

"Harry, stop," I mumble, stepping aside. "Last time I checked, nothing was going on between us so it's not your job to check up on me. It's not anyone's job."
My voice was hollow and empty with little emotion, enough to make him begrudgingly listen and take a small step back even with the close proximity that was still trudging the surfaces of our bodies.

I could feel the girls eyes on us too, judging me again. I seemed to have so many boys around me at the moment, claiming me to be theirs: Nate, Harry, James. Yet, out of all of them, the only boy I really cared about and wanted right now was my tall, dark-haired boy...
I'd never felt more distant from him.

"Leave me alone, Harry," I bite back before he had the chance to start his next sentence. I step away, drifting further apart from him after escaping his grip.

James raises his head and looks at me with a look of concern. It was embarrassing how many people kept looking at me right now instead to listening to Kate.
Unless she was talking about me... I wasn't listening to what she was saying either in order to know what was going on.

As James and I continue to exchange several glances here and there, I try my best not to show any emotions. I couldn't let him back in again.
I love him but he can't deal with me. He shouldn't have to be given the added pressure of handling me with all my issues and problems when I'm nothing but a burden to everyone. 

It was supposed to be my solo today but I had no one supporting me. No one cared about me the way they used to. No one believed in me. Mom and Dad won't be here to watch me, James probably won't even bother watching me, the girls hated my guts for stealing the entire show even though the choice of dancers had nothing to do with me...
What was the point anymore?

The only thing James will ever be able to see when he looks at me now is what he witnessed me doing last night. Even the way he was looking at me in this current moment showed how worried he was.
We weren't even together. He shouldn't have to worry this much about me.

"Is that okay everyone?" Kate asks all of a sudden, getting all of us to look at her, including me once I had snapped out of my train of thoughts.

I nod my head, as if I had been listening even despite the fact I hadn't been, and then everyone else begins to wonder off on their own devises, leaving me stood on my own in the middle of the crowd. Even Kate had walked off to head to the registration desk on the side, and I don't think I had ever felt any more lost than I am now.

I was expecting James to have wondered off with the boys but instead his eyes remain on my body and he walks over towards me, putting a small smile on his own face, one I wasn't able to reciprocate.
He wasn't fooling anyone. I knew it was fake, he just wanted to try and lighten the mood.

"What do you want to do for the day?" he asks me, making me look at him confusedly, unsure of why he was even bothering to talk to me. "We have the day to ourselves until the evening when the solos are taking place. So where do you want to go, Ri?"

"I don't know, James," I mutter, looking away from him. "I might go back to the dorms..."

"That's not an option unless I go with you and we all know how much trouble I'd get into if Kate was to find out I'd snuck into the girls' dorms."
He studies my face for a second before sighing, putting his hand out for me to take a hold of it.

Biting my lip, I keep my hands where they were hugged over my upper body. "Come on. I have somewhere for us to go and I know you love my spontaneous dates, Ri," he tries to tease me, making me chew my lower lip even more.
Why was he even trying?

"Please, Riley? I know you want to," he continues to pry, making me look at him hesitantly again before slowly joining my hand together with his.
"Okay," I whisper timidly so that he could smile even more before he leads me out by the hand to take us to wherever he had planned for us to go.

I just hope agreeing to go with him wasn't another complete mistake.