The Flames of Medicine

32

*Mentions of anxiety, panic and self harm. Please be aware of these topics in this story and please be mindful of your comments!* 

Enjoy! I know I'm late, im so sorryy. 

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CLAIRE POV:

As I start to put the blade on my wrist, making sure the blade was directly above my vein, I take a deep breathe in and have a moment of happiness knowing I was about to turn to a more positive and happier afterlife where I would be away from Lewis and his abusive men raping me every night and leaving me bleeding just to be raped again and again. It was constant torture and I couldn't take it any longer. My body couldn't take it any longer.

I start to add pressure as the silent tears stream down my face when I hear a knock on my bedroom door and Landon walking sitting on my bed...

"Claire are you almost done? I have to confess something to you and it's important you hear it please"

I open my eyes and release the blade's pressure looking down. I had barely any cut and saw just a tinge of blood that I swiped off and flushed down. I hid my blade in the toilet lid and quietly put it back in the ziplock bag I had stuck to the lid.

I wash my hands and walk out, feeling so low i don't even care if Landon see's my tears at this point. We had gotten closer and he truly was a great guy. He still worked the night shift so he never saw when Lewis's men picked me up for dropped me off, or actually threw me to my bed because they had now started to drug me.

As I walk out Landon is sitting on my bed with his favorite hoodie on and a bag of Twizzlers hanging out of his pocket, looking down playing with his hands.

"okay, I have to tell you this Clay, it's been eating me inside and I" he stands up with his hands flying up and he finally looks up and meets my tear stricken face "Oh my god Claire, what happened, are you okay?"

He grabs me by my shoulders and leads me to my bed sitting me as softly as I've ever been put on a bed and he kneels in front of me.

"Claire, please tell me, what's wrong? Are you okay? Are your friends okay? Can I help you in anything?"

I look at him and for a moment the brief happiness I had felt with my blade was gone. The desperation of wanting to end my life was gone. The pain I had been feeling was gone and I was solely focused just on Landon's worried face staring back at me with so much care, so much attention, so much...

"Claire? Hey Claire? babe, hey."

I'm staring at him and I see his lips move but I hear nothing. I feel his hands softly caressing my cheek and softly patting it to get my attention. I'm not feeling anything and yet I'm feeling everything at the same time.

"Claire, you're worrying me too much, please, can you say anything? what do you feel?"

I look from his eyes to his hands and back to his eyes but can't say anything, and just feel a wave of new tears come over me and I just let go. I let the darkness engulf me and I feel weak as everything is going in circles for me as the pressure in my chest starts to increase again.

Landon's POV:

"Claire, woah, hEY!" I reach out and grab her back as I see her sway and start to fall backwards

"Claire, please. What are you feeling? hey, no no, keep your eyes open. What are you feeling? How can i help?" I softly guide her to her side so she lays on her side. I touch her forehead and while she's not warm to the touch she's sweating a lot and her breathing is patterned and quick.

"Claire should I call Laur-" I'm interrupted as her eyes become bigger and she starts to panic even more "okay, okay, i won't, I understood you, I won't. It's just us. Just you and me."

She starts to breathe patterned again and I remember a conversation we had of how she gets panic attacks.

I get up and run to her bathroom and take her shower curtain down. I was meaning to just open it but in desperate times I guess we underestimate how panicked and strong adrenaline makes us.

I run back to her bed and softly reach out to pick her up

"babe I'm going to carry you okay? I remember what you told me about your anxiety and panic attacks. Let me help you. I'm going to grab your arms and then grab your legs okay?"

I slowly get to carrying her and I almost dropped her back in bed as I carried her exerting more energy than I had to from how light she was. She was always wearing oversized clothes.

I easily picked her up and took her to her bathroom, slowly placing her on the toilet seat while i turned to turn on the hot water on her tub. I set it so it was hot but wouldn't burn our skins off.

"Okay babe, we're getting you in, come on. Don't worry, let me do all the work, you just try to hold on for me okay?"

I carry her again, much easier this time and get in the tub with her, not caring that I'm getting wet either. I need her to be okay.

I sit us down in the tub, as best as I could get her comfortable and I stood above her legs because we don't both fit. I set the water to be released from the top shower head and take the hose part and kneel as best I could in front of her and start to let the water hit her hair and shoulders and neck and down to her arms and chest.

She opens her eyes and gasps as she tries to catch her breathe. 

"hey, hey, it's me, you're okay. you're okay. breathe with me..." 

Luke's POV:

"Hernandez, make sure the hoses are secured on the truck before we go out to fill her up"

"Yes, Lieutenant"

I walk back into the coatroom and hang my coat assessing the rest of the teams uniforms. They all had some burn marks and mine was clean.

Upon coming back, I had to order a new one as my old one was completely charred and cut. I was able to see what parts of the uniform had burned so severely it had melted on my skin and left me scars.

They weren't so visible now, but the pain was still there. The memory was still there.

I had seen where Calum and Michael had cut my uniform.

I start to feel the familiar sensation of panic and silently started to get myself to breathe as I extend a hand to the wall for support.

Hernandez knocks on the door startling me, "Lieutenant, we're ready!"

I take another deep breathe and suppress all the emotions that are threatening to make me scream and head out to my team, waiting for me.

I had made it back to work but I was still on light duty for 1 more week. I wasn't able to go inside a burning building yet, hell I wasn't even able to look at my uniform the same, and while it was doctors orders, I think facing a burning building once again face to flame had me scared and facing some fears and realizing I did have lingering trauma despite me trying to lie to myself.

I was scared of being a firefighter. 

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I'm so sorry for taking forever and ever. I want to finish this story these coming months so I hope I can get everything out before I get even more busy. 

As always, let me know what you think!