To Have Loved [BxB] Book I ✓

Chapter 17

a/n: Alright, so I'm finally back, and I did a shit ton of writing last night (like more than I've done in one sitting in years) so I have come back with a triple update, only partially because I felt bad about leaving you guys hanging the past few weeks. Anyways, I hope you enjoy these next few chapters, they are going to be a rollercoaster, so buckle up and grab some popcorn.

Kayden took a long breath in, exhaling whispy gray smoke before he passed the cigarette back to Elias. They'd started sharing one cigarette at a time when they sat on the steps, they usually smoked five or so in a sitting together. Maybe they were turning their lungs black, but Kayden thought to himself that there was something entirely poetic about ruining himself with someone else.

"Straightwashing and The Bisexuality of Gilgamesh," Elias stated, holding Kayden's book report in one hand while he took the cigarette with the other, a brief chuckle passing his lips as he shook his head a bit. "You wrote a five-page essay in Times New Roman twelve-point font, double spaced and indented about why Gilgamesh was gay?" He asked, looking at him with an incredulous little grin as if he couldn't believe it.

"Bi technically, but yeah, why the hell not?" Kayden shrugged, taking the cigarette back, holding it up to his lips. "You told me if I picked something that got me talking it'd be easier to write it, so I did, and it worked." He glanced at Elias. "What'd you write yours on?"

Elias set down Kayden's paper, adjusting his glasses before he rested his palm against the stone, and took one last drag, stamping out the cigarette, throwing the remains into the bushes. "The terrifying notion of immortality."

"A safe option," Kayden said, giving him a little teasing smile.

"At least mine didn't spend a solid page and a half veering off into tangential references of Sappho and Ginsberg," Elias said and Kayden ran a hand through his hair, his face tinting pink.

"Hey, a page and a half is a page and a half, at least I cited my sources." He said, looking out into the darkness. Nobody was coming to look for them. Sometimes Walker didn't do his rounds, it was only on occasion, but it was half an hour past when he usually would, so maybe this was an occasion. "Do you wanna go for a walk?"

"We could get caught, curfew was an hour ago."

"It's past Walker's bedtime, and it's dark, no one would see us. We could go out into the woods or something, or to the overlook," Kayden said, and his eyes flickered over Elias's face which was slightly tensed in thought. He noticed the way his eyebrows furrowed when he was considering something.

"Alright, but we should get back before twelve," Elias said, standing to his feet and tucking the pack of cigarettes in his pocket. "The later we stay out, the worse the consequences will be if we get caught, and stay on guard, we need to have a place to hide if someone is up and walking around."

"Yes, sir," Kayden said in a playful tone and Elias just gave him the raise of an eyebrow. "Nobody is out here, everything will be perfectly fine, you'll see." He said, getting up too. He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked off toward the forest with Elias.

---

They spent almost two hours walking around the darkest parts of campus, talking about anything that came up. It was unspoken that neither of them asked about their families, they didn't bring up their own secrets, in truth, they hardly talked directly about themselves at all. They spoke about life in a general sense, philosophy, poetry, love, music (of which Kayden had to admit that Elias had pretty good taste), all the things that brought purpose to existence, or so Elias said anyway, he was the one that believed in purpose.

"Alright, favorite quote from a poem," Elias said, walking at a slow pace down the sidewalk as he stared up at the stars. They were glistening like snow against the endless void of blackness, little white dots a million miles away. Kayden always felt so small when he thought about the galaxy.