To Have Loved [BxB] Book I ✓

Chapter 29

a/n: Hey, guess who followed through on their promises? I actually did manage to get it up today somehow. I'll tell you guys when I know the next upload date, but it should be relatively soon. Also, fair warning, this chapter does contain some smut near the middle to end, so tread carefully if you're not comfortable with that. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the chapter and have a good week!

The next Newspaper Club meeting was two days later on the following Thursday. Kayden mostly had the article written, he just needed to do a bit of editing before he turned it in to Elias for advanced edits and finalization. The interview had mostly gone to plan. Kayden killed an hour talking to Elias about class president things, asked a few questions, and spent about eighty percent of the time finding creative ways to redirect the conversation until Elias caught on and dragged the topic back to what they were supposed to be discussing. He thought Elias looked like he was having fun anyway, and the guy definitely needed more fun in his life. The more Kayden found out about him, the more he realized that Elias didn't have downtime, he was genuinely burning the candle at both ends and had no problem doing so. He wrote poetry and smoked, but that was it, he had very few escapes from his academic life. Kayden couldn't imagine how someone could love working so much, but Elias seemed to devote himself completely to everything he did. He did wonder, though, how long it would take before the wick burned down completely, and how long Elias had been living like this already. He seemed to bask in the glory of his achievements, but nobody could keep up such an unscathed and perfect image forever, even marble statues cracked over time.

The second meeting was mostly boring. Kayden worked on his article, Grant and Ezra whispered back and forth about formatting and design, and the others quietly typed or clicked or sighed. There was nothing particularly wrong with the meeting, Kayden was just tired and didn't particularly want to be there. His day hadn't been bad, there had been no disasters or tragedies, it had simply been long. Perhaps it was the worst thing in the world to be miserable without extenuating circumstances. 

"Kayden," Elias said, not moving his eyes from the paragraph he was reading over. 

The redhead looked up, "Yeah?"

"You've been staring at your screen blankly for the last ten minutes," Elias briefly glanced back at him. 

"I've got a lot on my mind, I guess," He murmured, getting back to work on the article.

"Well, box it up and put it in the back of your head for later or something," Elias muttered.

"Not everyone can compartmentalize things away. If I could, I would."

"It's a skill, not a trait,"

"It's unhealthy."

"It's necessary."

"Would you two shut up, please?" Arlo asked, glaring at the two of them. "I'm trying to color grade this picture and I need quiet."

"Sorry," Kayden mumbled. 

Elias silently went back to his work, calm and collected. Unphased as he always seemed to be. 

---

Shortly after the meeting ended, there was dinner, and after that, Kayden went back to his dorm to sit alone in his silence. He wasn't sure where Theo had gotten off to, but he figured he'd probably gone for a walk in the woods. In any case, Kayden was left to his own devices. He laid in bed and listened to music, paced, and read a few pages of a book, but in the end, he only served to fuel his own restlessness. He was so bored that he'd rather be in pain than sit around feeling as useless and empty as he did. It was an all-consuming state of being that wound tight around his bones like cellophane and made his skin feel too tight and too loose simultaneously. He wanted to do something, go somewhere, find something to occupy him. He wanted to scream.