To Have Loved [BxB] Book I ✓

Chapter 50

a/n: Hey guys, so I just wanted to put up this chapter tonight because I promised I would. I don't have the energy to finish the Q&A tonight, so I'll post that tomorrow and then post the official author's note for the book and all that. I hope you guys all love the ending to this story. Also, disclaimer, the poem I'm using in here is kind of a chopped-up version of section LXXXV of In Memoriam by Alfred Lord Tennyson. If you would like to read the whole thing, it's multiple places online. Anyways, have a great night or day, and remember to drink a healthy amount of water.

The last weeks of school were best described as the two most stressful weeks of Kayden's entire life. Every single day was packed with studying, writing, and waiting impatiently for it all to end while also wishing he had another month to get everything done. It was a nightmare, but Elias helped and that made the whole thing at least possible. After he had a solid plan of how to get everything done, he really just had to stick to the plan, which was easier said than done, but Elias made a point of checking in with him every day to make sure Kayden was still on task and they spent their weekends cooped up inside one of their dorms studying together.

When Kayden finished his last final, he took the test up to the front, walked back to his desk, and just sat there for a moment. The whole thing felt like it hadn't even really happened, but he was too exhausted to say he was dreaming. He took a slow, quiet breath in and then glanced at the clock. He still had twenty minutes before the timer was set to go off. He looked over at Elias a few desks away who seemed to be working on something in his journal. Kayden just rested his head in his arms, not able to think anymore. His brain felt fried with how hard he'd been working. Elias promised him if he could get through it, they could hang out and do whatever Kayden wanted on the last day of school.

Kayden knew he could ask for anything, but now that the day had come, he kind of just wanted to relax and talk to Elias for the last day they had together. Three months seemed like such a long time when he knew he'd spend most of it missing his friends at Antisto...and Elias. Were they still friends? He wasn't entirely sure anymore. They weren't enemies, and they weren't lovers, but friends didn't feel quite right either. They were something else, something that Kayden couldn't quite put his finger on.

Before he knew it, Kayden was waking up to his hair being ruffled, looking up to see the blond giving him a small smile.
"Hey, we're free to go."

"Really?"

"Yes. Now come on, we've only got six more hours before the sun goes down and it's a beautiful day out."

They were walking out to the courtyard when Elias asked "so, what do you want to do?"

Kayden thought about it, then shrugged. "Could we just...go out to the overlook? I'd kill for a nap right now."

Elias chuckled. "Sure."

It only took about ten minutes to get out to the side of the cliff where the grass plane just seemed to drop off. Sometimes Kayden felt like he was hanging his legs over the edge of the world when he sat out there staring into the ocean that seemed so impossible and endless.

They abandoned their tight shoes and unbuttoned their shirts and laid out in the tall swaying grass together. As Kayden covered his eyes with the back of his hand, feeling the sun cast a golden warmth over him, he thought there wasn't anything that would ever feel as good as this. He had nothing to do, he was perfectly comfortable, and he was in love. It reminded him of that little hope he had for the smell of warm bread in the kitchen and a soft song playing somewhere, and Elias. He wondered if he'd ever have that, or if he'd just miss it forever, like looking back on the good times he'd never gotten from a life he'd never lived.

"Hey...read me your favorite poem," Kayden said softly. "You said you would if you ever got the chance."

"It's long," Elias said without opening his eyes, resting his hands behind his head.