Eren Jaeger Oneshots Rewritten

Family

Suicide = $
Suicide attempts = #
Smut = *
Self-Harm = £

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Word Count – 649

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1: Floch takes too long in the bathroom.

"Floch!" Historia exclaimed, knuckles rattling against the bathroom door. "You've been in there for an hour already! What the hell are you doing in there?"

"I need to look my best for my lover!" the redhead shouted back with his hands dipped in a bowl of lukewarm water as he gave himself a manicure. "Besides, you're the one who spent twenty minutes with brushing your hair. It doesn't take that long to brush your goddamn hair!"

"For some," Historia muttered as she walked away from the door, arms crossed. "Zeke we need more bathrooms!" Zeke merely laughed in response.

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2: Eren doesn't understand that he can't be mean to the friends his family bring over.

"Eren, we need to talk," Zeke said, sitting on his little brother's desk chair. Eren glanced over at him from where he was reading his phone before looking back at the screen. "I get you might not like the friends we have, but you still need to be nice to them, bud."

"Why?" he asked, not looking up at the blonde. "I don't need to be nice, they're not my friends so what's the point?"

Zeke sighed, moving to sit next to his little brother and wrapping his arms around him. "Is this because Armin and Mikasa left?" he murmured. When the brunette stiffened underneath him, he knew he had hit the jackpot. "No one's gonna leave ya, Eren. I promise." Eren nodded, snuggling into his older brother as he slowly but surely drifted to sleep.

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3: Zeke uses all of the hot water.

"Zeke!" a pissed off Eren yelled, wrapped only in a towel from the waist down. Zeke hummed as he turned, noticing the look on Eren's face and the fact that he looked royally pissed. "You fucking used all the hot water, you bastard!"

"Whoops?" Zeke offered, laughing nervously only to scream when the man tackled him. "Eren! You're fucking naked and wet, you dick!" Eren then slapped him and walked off, face red from embarrassment. That's when Zeke realised exactly what he had said.

"For fuck's sake, Eren!"
"Fuck you, Zeke!"

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4: Historia can't leave her makeup everywhere.

"Historia, dear, can we talk?" Floch asked, leaning into the living room, and looking over at where Historia was watching the TV. The blonde looked over at the redhead, head tilted slightly. "Look, I know you love your makeup and all, but you can't leave it all over the house."

"And why not?"

"Because it-"

"For fuck's sake!" Eren yelled. The two ran into the kitchen, where the scream originated from, and saw Eren covered in blush. "Why is there blush in the bloody kitchen?"

Floch turned and looked at Historia with a look that said 'there'. "That's why."

"Right, I'll move it," Historia whimpered, rushing to move it. Nobody liked a pissed off Eren. No one.

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5: Ymir is too cute!

The dysfunctional family known as the 'Yaegerists' had gone to the beach for the day considering it was the perfect weather for it. Zeke and Floch were sunbathing, Historia was in the water, and Ymir and Eren were collecting seashells.

"Does this look nice?" Ymir asked, holding up a perfect seashell to Eren. The seashell was slightly pink and resembled a clam shell shape. Eren grinned, gently taking the shell and adding the clip he had prepared to the back of it.

"Yep!" He exclaimed, attaching the clip to the child's hair. Ymir gingerly placed her hand on it before looking up at the brunette with a grin.

"Thank you bubba!" the young girl exclaimed, running off to show Zeke and Floch her new accessory. She has no right to be that cute, Eren thought before looking for another seashell to make into an accessory for Historia, and some to make into necklaces for him, Zeke and Floch.