Broken - TommyInnit Angst

Chapter 27 - Explanations

1073 Words

~~~~~

"Well... uhh... so how do I say this...," Tommy trailed off as Tubbo gently rubbed circles into his back, trying his best to comfort his friend.

"A while ago, I just started to feel really... insecure," Tommy let out.

"Go on..." Tubbo prompted.

"I just woke up one day, and- and I just had these thoughts in my head telling me that I'm fat, that I'm ugly."

Trying his best to hold himself together, despite falling apart so many times both today and yesterday, keeping himself strong for the other.

"That stuff combined with stuff that I would see online, remarks about how I looked about how I was annoying- it all just kinda piled up. It was like everything that anyone said about or to me I doubted or looked too deep into it."

Tears started to slowly form in his eyes, on the verge of  spilling over.

"I uh- As you know, I started to... hurt and starve myself... and living just seemed to take so much effort, every-everything was so... exhausting. No matter-no matter how much people tried to tell me that they l-like me and that I'm funny or just-just a nice p-person in general, I couldn't believe them."

He tried his best to stop his voice from wavering and stuttering, but nonetheless it could not be stopped.

"I j-just felt like-like you all only hung out with me, talked with me and asked me to live with you because you wanted the publicity and f-fame for it. I was so-so scared-scared that  I would be kicked out of here, that you all would l-leave me. I thought that all my fans and viewers would find me unfunny and u-ugly, a loser, and would leave-leave me too. I would be homeless, live alone on the streets, with no-one that supports me, no one that likes me."

Tears were slowly spilling over and out of his eyes, flowing slowly and peacefully down his face.

"All of it just kind of lead up to here...."

He wasn't crying heavily, just letting tears trail down his cheeks. It only took one look at the brunette to see that he was crying too. The two boys hugged each other, not letting go anytime soon, not letting go ever.

"I'm never leaving you," Tubbo whispered out. "Never," he stated harshly, holding the other even tighter. "I love you so much, you're my best friend, and I couldn't imagine life without you. It's not your fault, don't feel sorry for any of this, but I don't know how I would have handled life if you... did it yesterday," Tubbo worded aloud, still holding the other in a tight embrace.

They stayed like that for a while, just holding each other and not letting go, a comfortable silence between them. Eventually, the blonde pulled away.

"I'm so lucky to have an understanding friend like you," he mumbled, as Tubbo nodded with a small smile.

"What do you want to do?" Tubbo asked quietly. "We can stay here if you want, or we can watch a movie in the movie room, we can go outside, we can just talk, whatever you want," Tubbo suggested, knowing that Tommy just needed to do something that took his mind off of the whole situation.

"I uh--I don't mi-"

"No. You choose something to do," Tubbo firmly stated.

"Uh.. c-can we go play Minecraft?" the blonde timidly asked.

"Yeah sure!" Tubbo replied enthusiastically as he got off the bed and walked over to Tommy's television, turning on the Xbox and grabbing the controllers, as Tommy got up and pulled two beanbags out of his wardrobe, placing them in front of the TV. Tommy slowly sat down on the one to the right as Tubbo dove towards the other one, causing it to slide into Tommy.

"TUB-" Tommy yelled out before both Tubbo and the beanbag came crashing into him. The two boys ended up on the floor, dying of laughter.

Tommy didn't remember the last time he felt like this. He felt so... carefree, weightless, full of joy and happiness. He wanted to experience this more often, this feeling of being... free. He felt like in this moment, the world could come to an end and he would still be happy.

~~~~~

Everyone gathered in the living room, apart from Tommy and Tubbo. Everyone was sitting on the various couches, looking towards Wilbur, Phil and Niki, prompting them to start talking.

Wilbur was the first to speak.

"Uhh... well... um- you're- you're all probably wondering why I asked for this short meeting, and let me just assure you all that no one's busted for anything, there's just something that I- we want to inform you about," Wilbur started.

"But um... just know that everything is ok now, everyone is ok," Wilbur reassured his friends, before taking a deep breath, wanting to get this over and done with. "Yesterday in the evening Eret noticed that- that Tommy had self-harm scars on his arms," Wilbur started.

There were a few shocked gasps in the room, but mostly everyone was silent, wanting to know what happened next. Wilbur continued.

"When Tommy realised that Eret saw, he quickly ran away. Me and Phil chased after him, and eventually we caught up to him, and he nearly jumped off of a bridge. He ran away when we got close, and eventually he got tired and we brought him back home. We then found out that he most likely has anorexia and bulimia," Wilbur finished, not knowing what else to say, as Phil took over.

"We just want you all to be aware of this. Try your best to not treat him differently. I know that some of you might want to keep checking in on him to make sure that he's ok, but try not to make it too overwhelming for him," Phil stated.

"Just try to be mindful of what he's been through," Niki added. "Try not to mention anything about physical appearance or dieting around him. If his scars are exposed, try not to stare at them in an obvious way," Niki ended.

~~~~~

The two best friends were soon laughing and smiling as they played Minecraft together. At one point Niki opened the door and peeked in to check in on them, but soon closed it after seeing the two boys smiling and happy, laughing without a care in the world.

Niki felt quite disturbed by that. Don't get her wrong, it was great to see the two boys laughing, but she just couldn't understand how Tommy could act all happy, as if nothing ever happened. Just over twelve hours ago the boy was close to killing himself, and now he was with his best friend, laughing without a single care in the world. It was only slightly unsettling.

~~~~~

Well, this is the last chapter, apart from an epilogue. I lost all motivation to continue this. It was nearly finished anyways, so now I'm going to give it a half arsed send off. It's been a year minus a few days since I posted the first chapter of this. It's been dragging on for too long, I've had months of no updates between chapters. I've just lost motivation for everything. 

I hope that one day I'll find that spark again, I hope that one day writing will feel as special as it used to. I have plans for writing, but whether I'll go through with them or not is unknown. My plans for now are to edit this fic, rewrite it a bit, and once it's fully edited, post in onto Ao3. I hate my writing, it just feels so awkward whenever I read over it. I don't really like wattpad anymore, and I don't  open it for weeks at a time. Every time I open it I get bombarded with notifications and messages and it all just seems so overwhelming. I've been using Ao3 for the last few months, and I prefer it a lot more. I'd like to post Tommyinnit angst oneshots from time to time since that wouldn't require any sort of dedication, and I could just do it whenever.

I'm sorry for ranting about all of the above. I'm sorry for writing a story that I couldn't stick to, and getting everyone's hopes up, expecting some new amazing updates. Stick around for an epilogue that I might post tomorrow, or maybe in three months time. I'm sorry.