𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐝

17

valentina

I wake up with a heavy feeling weighing down on my chest.

Grabbing my phone from beside me, I attempt to distract myself but the feeling doesn't go away, instead it weighs heavier and heavier until it's impossible to ignore.

Tears of frustration build behind my eyes, threatening to spill over.

I haven't felt this way in a long time and I thought it went away but it never really does.

I try and convince myself that I'm fine and that I just need to get up but I can't seem to gather the motivation to move.

God I'm so pathetic, I can't even get out of bed.

Sinking deeper into my comforter, I wish that it would just swallow me whole until this feeling passes or until I pass, whichever comes first.

It's not that I feel sad, I just feel so tired and mentally exhausted that I can't handle it anymore.

I just want to stop being around people, even myself, it's too draining having to deal with.

I've been fine for a few weeks and I really thought that it would never come back and now that it has, it's so much worse and I'm scared that it's never going to go away.

I just want it to go away.   

Forcing myself to think about positive things like butterflies and waterfalls and brownies, I bite my bottom lip to stop if from trembling, all I'm doing is tainting the things that I love.

A small knock at my door interrupts my self-deprecating train of thought.

"Valentina, you awake?" Matteo's deep voice travels through the door and I rub my eyes frustratedly.

"Can I come in?" He follows up rather panicked after not hearing a response from me.

Silence.

"I'm coming in, okay?" The door gently swings open and I bury my head under the comforter, welcoming the darkness under it.

I hear his footsteps nearing the bed and I shut my eyes.

I feel him gently lifting up the comforter and rolling it downwards.

I can smell his subtle cologne that instantly soothes me.

My eyes flutter open and I stare at him for a second before all of my emotions come rushing in and tears well up into my eyes yet again.

"Hey, hey. It's okay." Matteo wipes his thumb under my eyes catching the tears as they fall.

He moves to sit on the bed and wraps an arm around my shoulders as I rest my head on his chest.

His hand strokes my hair slowly and he kisses the top of my head.

I angle my head to look up at him and my voice breaks as I speak.

"Matteo, I-" Cutting myself off I freeze as irritation runs through my body.

Why does he always have to see me at my worst?

I sigh instead of finishing my sentence but he seems to understand me without words.

"It's okay, you want me to stay or go?"

"I don't care." I trace the tattoos on his shirtless chest, trying to distract myself.

"I'm staying then."

mattteo

The pads of her fingers trace the dark ink on my chest as she glues her body to the side of mine.