𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐝

51

valentina

Matteo's thumb brushes my cheek, wiping away a tear that escapes my watering eyes.

I bite my lip, trying to keep in all of my emotions from today. There are too many and I don't know what to do.

"Vee." His low voice caresses my ears and I sink my teeth harder into my lower lip. Another word from him and I'm breaking down in this pool.

"Hey-" I bury my face in his neck as a sob escapes my lips in hopes that it will muffle it. It doesn't but it does make him tighten his arms around me. He runs his palm up and down my bare back soothingly and I cling to him so tightly, feeling like if I loosen he'll let go.

I'm nervous, for the first time in my life I have a good chance at finding my family.

I'm scared that I won't and scared that I will.

I feel happy and in love and that's also scary because it's something completely new.

I'm terrified that I'm not going to be good enough for Ale and for Nora and Luna and Vincent and that they'll hate me if they do turn out to be my family. And I'm terrified that I'm not enough for Matteo even though I know I am, I catch myself thinking I'm not and I get stuck thinking like that and I don't want to be to high maintenance for him but this is just who I am.

And if he doesn't like who I am, who else will? 

Matteo's not speaking. He knows right now there's not a lot he can say to change what I'm feeling so instead he offers physical comfort.

I cry because I'm relieved, because I'm nervous and scared, because I'm happy and in love and because I feel safe enough to let go.

I hate feeling weak for crying but I do. I hate crying and I try to avoid it but unfortunately it's a common activity for me.

"I'm here, I've got you." He mutters in my ear and I melt further into his embrace.

Once I've cried most of the water out of my body, I pull my head out of his neck and rest it on his shoulder, staring out at the pool.

"Too many feelings." I murmur and his chest shakes a little as he lets out a short laugh.

Not once has his hand stopped rubbing my back and it's all I focus on, the calming sensation of his skin against mine.

"I think we should get out of the pool now." I tighten my arms around him, "Don't worry I'm not letting you go."

Somehow Matteo climbs up the pool steps with me in his arms and carries me and the clothes inside the house, dripping water everywhere, something Imara will no doubt murder us both for when she gets back.

He climbs the stairs and chucks our clothes into his room before opening the bathroom door. Setting me down on the marble counter, Matteo turns the shower on and walks back over. While the shower warms he takes a small cloth and starts wiping under my eyes, clearing my running mascara. His touch is so gentle, as if he's scared to hurt me and it brings tears to my eyes knowing I have someone to look after me when I'm upset for the first time in my life.

No one has ever made feel so understood, so safe, so loved and so cared for as Matteo has. He may have been an asshole when I met him the second time but when it came down to it he was there for me.

And has been ever since.

I don't realise I'm crying again until the pads of his thumbs graze my cheeks.

"Showers ready." He whispers and taps the side of my thigh.

I nod and hop off the counter onto weak legs, walking into the hot shower with him close behind, both of us still in our underwear. I face away from the shower, letting the hot water run down my back and he stands behind me.

When his hands gather my hair I realise that he's washing it for me. I sigh contently as his hands massage the shampoo into my scalp and then rinse it out. He applies conditioner to the ends and does the same.

Once he's done, I turn to face him and throw my arms around his torso. I mumble out a 'thank you' and he hugs me tight to him before letting me go. Matteo hands me my body wash, I take it and pour a decent amount onto my hand before rubbing it over my skin, the familiar scent washing over me.

I finish and watch as Matteo washes his own hair and body before turning the shower off and stepping out, handing me a towel. I wrap the towel around my body and peel off my underwear, he does the same.

We both brush our teeth, watching each other through the mirror in just our towels and once we're done I don't even try and walk back to my room, knowing he'll find a way to get me into his.

As I walk in he throws one of his shirts at me while slipping on a pair of boxers. I put the shirt on over my towel and pull it from under once I have it on.

I climb in one side of the bed and him the other, both of us meeting in the middle. We lay on our sides to face each other in the dim light of his room.

"I really really like you Matteo." I whisper, keeping my eyes locked onto his.

"Good thing I really really like you too Vee." He whispers back in the same hushed tone, tucking a piece of my wet hair behind my ear. "Like really really." He continues.

I love you.

I keep my eyes on him as he lazily traces patterns on my bare arm.

"Am I too much for you?"

I know it sounds insecure and pathetic but I can't help but thinking it.

He doesn't stop his movements or seem unsure in his simple response of, "No, shut up." Which is followed by a sigh and then an eye roll.

"Trust me when I tell you Vee that you are not 'too much' and even if you were- which you're not- it wouldn't matter. You seriously need to get it through you're pretty little head that you're not getting rid of me, ever, no matter what you do or how much of a bitch you are, I'm still going to be here. I'll be here for you tomorrow, next week, a month from now and even years from now because I care about you and I like you, a lot, maybe a little too much."

I love you.

"Now c'mere, I need my beauty sleep." Matteo wraps his arms around my and tugs me into his chest. I sigh and rest my head comfortably on his hot skin, letting the weight of his arms around my waist calm my anxious thoughts.

Just before I fall asleep I peck the spot where his heart is and lean a bit more of my weight on him to annoy him.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

unedited 

warning for next chap, it's going to include heavy themes of depression and suicidal thoughts, please skip it if it's triggering or if any topics cause you any type of anxiety, the last thing i want to do is upset anyone.

stay safe, drink water and remember to take care of yourselves 

<3