𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐝

55

valentina

I really really love him.

Like really really.

We're sat on the kitchen floor with a bottle of wine that we're passing between us. The only light is coming from a few lamps in the corners and we're trying to whisper.

We got back an hour ago, after I met the fucking band members of my favourite band (we totally bonded).

If I still did drugs they would totally be in my smoke circle. For sure.

Matteo's big frame sits pressed up beside mine, making me feel a little smaller than usual.

I lazily pass him the bottle that he takes in his hands and I watch out of the corner of my eye as he brings it to his soft looking lips.

"I can't believe you flew them out here." I 'whisper'.

"I can get you whatever you want you just need to ask." Matteo's shrugs and my eyes widen.

"So if I asked for a million dollars..." I trail off and I can feel the eye roll.

"I would give you a million dollars, not that you need it when you can just ask me to buy anything you need but if you want to be independent then sure."

He would give me a million dollars? He definitely loves me.

I turn to look at him. His messy brown hair dishevelled, his green eyes glossed over and his cheeks flushed pink. Déjà vu washes over me, probably from the countless nights we'd spent like this in the past that we don't remember.

"I wish I could remember all the things that we did together." I whisper, the words slipping through my tipsy lips with ease. 

"I never want to forget a moment with you ever again."

Matteo puts the bottle on the floor and turns his head so that it's just inches from mine. His eyes flit down to my lips them my eyes and then back to my lips.

Gently, his lips meet mine in a smooth motion. He kisses me softly in a way that makes my stomach flutter and my body weaken. I kiss him back, replicating his tender motions.

His hand cups the side of my face, angling it to kiss me deeper and I sigh. It isn't hungry or rushed or hard, it doesn't feel like means to an end. It's slow and passionate, it makes me feel a little dizzy and I could definitely do this for hours alone.

When he pulls back our eyes meet again and I smile while trying to calm my racing heart beat. Matteo smiles back and I literally feel my heart walking away from me.

I love you.

We go back to passing the wine between us, until it's completely drained of it's contents and we are both very tipsy. 

My head hasn't stopped spinning since he kissed me and I have the itching to do it again.

"Hey Vee," Matteo says, slurring his words a little and I look over at him. His head rests back agaisnt the kitchen cupboard and his legs are lying flat out in front of him. "I- fuck." He curses, shaking his head.

"What is it?"

"I'm in love with you."

My poor heart skips a beat and then picks up it's pace again. His green eyes are filled with an emotion I now recognise. Love.

He's in love with me.

Holy shit. No one has ever told me that they love me before let alone admit to being in love with me.

Happiness, pure happiness, shit that's better than fucking heroin shoots through my veins.

"It's a good thing I'm in love with you too then isn't it."

His whole face lights up and his body relaxes. Matteo's hand finds mine and messes with my fingers as he thinks.

"You are?"

"Mhm. A lot."

"Thank fuck for that." He mutters, sliding his arms around my waist and pulling me onto his lap. He kisses the top of my head and rests his on top, holding me as close as possible.

"Thank fuck for that." He repeats even quieter and I find myself smiling into his warm chest.

I move my hands into his hair and he moves his hands to rest on my hips, leaning in closer. "Does this mean you'll be my girlfriend then?"

"No." I say sarcastically and his eyes widen. "Yes idiot," I slap the back of his neck, "Seriously, you thought I'd say no?"

He just shrugs.

I roll my eyes just as our lips catch and the butterflies from our last kiss come alive again. Goosebumps raise on my skin every time we pull apart only to go back a few seconds later, unable to get enough of each other. His hands on my body, his lips on my lips, him being in love with me and me being in love with him, all of those things making it so different.

He kisses me slowly, letting me feel every moment of it, letting me feel how much he loves me, how much he's in love with me.

Our tipsy lips crash softly agaisnt each other, gently pressing and connecting until we're gasping for air but I don't move because it feels like he's the only oxygen I need.

He's the reason I'm breathing and the reason I'll continue to breathe because I'm in love with him and he's in love with me.

Someone loves me and I love someone and my someone is him.

I found my person years ago, it just took a while for us to realise it. I mean we first met in active addiction and the second time we met he fucking kidnapped me but I wouldn't have it any other way because in the end, I fell in love.

I've fallen in love with a man that loves brownies just as much as I do, a man that's a criminal in love with cop shows, a man that has proven to me that he'll do anything for me and a man that's fallen in love with me too.

For the first time in my life I have a boyfriend. I'm in a committed relationship and I'm not as scared as I thought I would be, probably because of him. 

Definitely because of him.

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unedited

very short chapter, struggling write rn

drink water and remember to take care of yourselves

<3