𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐝

32

valentina 

After an awkward car ride home, him and I go off in different directions, me to the kitchen and him somewhere upstairs.

I don't think we realised it in the moment but somewhere along the way we crossed an invisible line and now we don't know how to go back.

We're stranded.

"Hey, you alright you look sad." Luna nudges my side with her hip and I give her a weak smile.

"Yeah, just missing home a little." It's not a complete lie, I miss how things were back at the New York mansion, in the little bubble we'd created away from the outside world.

"Ah. I get you, I can never leave for long without hauling my ass back here."

I hum thoughtfully, we're so alike it's almost scary.

"You like books?" She asks and I nod, "Then I have the perfect room to show you."

I follow behind her as she turns down a shit ton of hallways until we reach a door, she pushes the door open and I step in, my jaw falling slack.

Books, there are books everywhere. Most are stacked in the various shelves and the rest are stacked in piles all around. In the centre of the room a big comfy looking grey couch rests with glass coffee table in front of it. High ceilings and massive windows line the walls with big drapes to blockout the harsh sunlight.

I take a deep breath in, letting the smoky wood and vanilla smell fill my senses and breathe out letting my shoulders fall with my chest.

It's so comforting in here.

"I'll check on you later, have fun." Luna turns to me and smiles. I smile back- a real one this time, thankful that she realised that I need some time alone.

Spending the next few minutes in a daze I walk around the library, my fingers skimming the spines of the books. They have everything thing here, every classic I could ever name and so many more. There's poetry books, religious and spiritual, romance, mystery, science fiction, kids books, fantasy, thriller, horror, fricken self-help books.

I have to stop myself from fainting when I find a coffee machine and mini fridge in the corner of the room.

Am I dead? Did I die and go to heaven? Because shit, I'm not mad about it.

Making myself a coffee, I grab a romance book off of the shelf and cuddle up on the comfy couch that I sink into.

I make it about halfway through the book and catch myself getting frustrated at the main character. She refuses to acknowledge her feelings for the love interest and just threw away a perfectly good chance at getting with him because she was scared.

Pause.

Oh shit.

That's exactly what I just did. I threw away a perfectly good man because I was scared. The frustration that I felt for the main character suddenly turns to myself but it doesn't last long.

I don't do relationships and I definitely don't do heartbreak. If that means cutting him off before things get too complicated then I made the right decision.

But what if things were already complicated, what if I was too far in but just to ignorant to notice?

What if I caused myself this heartache when it could have been avoided if I wasn't so scared?

I shake my head, trying to rid myself of all the 'what ifs'. They're useless to me now anyway. What's done is done.

Continuing with my book, I try throw myself into the world of whatever the fuck is going on but I just can't. All my mind can think about is him.

Ugh, this is why I hate people.

There's no need for me too think about his brown wavy hair and how soft it feels when I run my hands through it. There's no need for my lips to tingle, remembering how his felt on mine. There's no need for his laughter to still ring in the back of my mind, or his low grumbly voice early in the morning and late in the night.

I definitely don't need to be imagining his shirtless tattooed chest and the way he does things that make me happy even if he doesn't love it.

Like watching Tangled with me and doing a face mask.

Like taking me to the crystal store and the book store, taking an interest in my hobbies.

Like doing a puzzle with me and trusting me enough to be vulnerable with me.

Like knowing that I had a bad night and taking me out to McDonalds at God knows what time.

Like knowing that soothing touches and gentle caresses calm my anxiety and knowing when it gets bad.

Why do I miss him even though he's still here?

He's upstairs for fucks sake.

Matteo might be close but knowing that I'll never be able to get as close as I was before to him, ever again.

Yeah, that makes my heart break.

-

"Are you still alive? It's been four hours." Luna comments with wide eyes, leaning on the open door with her head cocked to the side.

"I just wanted to let you know that we're going out for food tonight, so we're going to get ready together and you'll be meeting the amazing creators of yours truly and the little shit they made after me. You're meeting my family."

I laugh softly and place my book back where I found it, I rinse out my mug and leave it out to dry before following Luna upstairs.

As we're walking up the stairs Luna starts talking. "Did something happen with Matteo when you were out, he's in a shit mood." I nearly trip up the stairs, that makes two of us.

"No, nothing happened." I clear my throat and twist the back of my earring.

"Mhm, and what did I walk in on this morning. I'm assuming that was nothing as well."

The memory burns fresh in my mind just like how my ears burn red.

To think that that was just a couple hours ago, it's crazy how much things can change in such a short amount of time.

"Yep, nothing."

"Absolutely nothing." I sigh and bite my lip.

It's nothing, we were nothing and we are nothing.

So why does it feel like I've lost something?

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literally had to google what library's smell like cause I've never even noticed

 i know it's short but i hope u liked it anyway 

DRINK WATER NOW 

unedited

<3