𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐝

20

matteo 

I hate everyone.

I hope they all have a shitty day and a shitty life.

I haven't had sex since the start of summer.

It's now almost November.

But for some Godforsaken reason, I cannot bring myself to be interested in anyone.

Anyone other than Valentina.

And of course, now that I'm stood in this club with Cairo and my brother all I want to do is go back home and do anything other than this.

I tried my best to convince them to let me stay home with Vee, but no.

And I'm not gonna drag her out of the house, never. If she doesn't want to come she's not coming.

Simple as shit.

As the fifth woman of the night approaches me I roll my eyes.

"I'm gay." I murmur taking a sip of my drink.

That sends her running away in seconds.

Hopefully she goes and tells all of her shitty little friends and everyone in this fucking club would just leave me the fuck alone.

Finishing my drink, I place it down on the counter and pull out my phone.

A small smile makes it's way onto my face when I notice that she messaged me.

I'm smiling because a woman texted me.

Yeah, I really do need to get laid.

'Can we go to the bookstore tomorrow :)'

'Sure.' I reply, shutting my phone off and cradling my face in my hands.

Sometimes I don't understand how we ended up living together. I mean I get it and I know why but I still haven't processed it.

Why did I let her off so easily for stealing from my mafia? Not like I would change anything that I've done but I don't understand why not. Fuck, I just don't understand anything when it comes to her.

From the moment I met her, she's fucked with my head.

When she was tied up in front of me, and I heard her smooth velvety voice for the first time, I swear I got hard-on.

Jesus fuck I have a problem.

There's so many things that I like about her.

Her coconut perfume that's not too sweet. Her black wavy hair and the freckles covering her soft skin. Those big brown eyes that seem innocent, until you get to know her. The way her ears burn pink when she's embarrassed or the way that she bites her fucking lip. Her tattoos that are scattered across her body but somehow all work together perfectly. Her feistiness, she's like a cat.

And the way that she's not afraid to speak her mind and share her thoughts.

If she's thinking, she's talking.

My phone rings from beside me and I sigh, shaking off my stupid thoughts.

"Boss." Someone says from the end of the line.

"Alejandro." I clear my throat.

"I found him." Is all he says and I let out a breath of relief.

"Bring him to the warehouse. I'll deal with him there."

I don't even wait for a reply before ending the call and saying goodbye to my brother and Cairo.

Walking out of the crowded club, I breathe in the fresh air or fresher air, it's still New York after all and head over to my car.

"Ivan Rosenberg. 33 year old male, born in San Francisco. Has a wife and 2 children at home. Works as." my eyebrows lift and then I smirk "A police officer."

The face of the blonde-haired blue-eyed man in front of me drains of all colour and he stops trying to resist against his ties.

"Remind me Ivan, what does being a police officer entail?" I wait for a response that doesn't come and anger flashes through me.

The fucker can't even answer me.

"Let's google it, shall we." I pull out my phone, hands shaking with anger as I type up my question.

"A police officer serves to maintain law and order in local areas by protecting members of the public. Preventing crime, reducing the fear of crime and so on."

"Tell me, do you think assaulting a woman is preventing crime? Reducing the fear of crime? Protecting anyone? Because to me it sounds like you think you're above the law because you wear a shitty little uniform and have a badge. I bet it's not the first time you've abused your position is it?"

If possible he turns even whiter and he doesn't even try and deny it, telling me all that I need to know.

"What would your wife think if she knew you were assaulting other women?"

It was a trick question and he knew it.

The fucker assaults her too.

Not wanting to talk to him any further, I pull out a knife and stab it into his thigh, making him wail in pain.

Pulling the knife I repeat the process again and again across his whole body, knowing that in a couple hours he'll bleed out.

And then I leave him there, he'll be dead in a few hours and if he's not someone will take care of it. I'll make sure of that.

The world never seizes to remind me just how shitty people are.

I'd like to think of myself as a good person, but I know that it's just not true. And I can't blame anyone but myself for that, I chose this life.

It doesn't bother me most of the time, I push any doubts out of my head the moment they arrive. But I'm still human and every now and again, it catches up to me.

I don't kill people unless necessary, I shoot to kill, not to injure and I fight to fight.

I have never and will never kill anyone with my bare hands.

And I will never leave anyone alive with a gunshot wound.

One of the first things my father taught me was that only children shoot first and think later, whilst leaders think first and shoot second. He told me that it was foolish to get unnecessary blood on your hands.

The urge to act on impulse stems from ego and pride, two things that leaders should never let control them or their actions.

It was the most important lesson and also the hardest. Every single day, I was reminded of it, I lived, slept and breathed it.

The older I got the clearer it got that my father never wanted me too be a heartless killer.

A killer yes but not a heartless one.

He still has his morals.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

unedited

<3