An Almost Lan

Chapter 2

A/N: AU and OOC

Thanks to @SourLovesweet and the lovely CALActorsTypist on Twitter for editing this chapter.

Thank you for your votes and comments, they motivate me to keep going!

Chapter 2

The sight of Lotus Pier manor brought her contradicted feelings as her car approached the building. On one hand she felt relieved, she was going home and she would be checking on her children as soon as she entered the house. On the other hand it brought back memories, unpleasant ones, recollections of a time that seemed so far away when she had been a young bride, newlywed and full of illusions that turned out to be empty hopes which vanished in front of her eyes that very same day.

Breaking out of her reverie, she focused on the tasks at hand. She needed to check on the kids and at the moment, she felt tired, dirty and in dire need of a shower. She would prefer a long bath, but she felt so drained that she could fall asleep in the bathtub and it was too dangerous at the moment. Yu Ziyuan knew her three children depended solely on her so she had to ensure her own safety even if it was only for their sake.

Dragging her feet one in front of the other she reached their rooms, checking on them, she made sure the three of them were sleeping. Jinzhu gave her a report and she could finally breathe a little easier. It had been a long day and they were as bone-tired as she was. Using her last reserves of energy, she reached the door of her bedroom. During the first years of their marriage, she had deeply resented the fact that her husband had requested to sleep in separate rooms, right now she was grateful for it.

Since her bedroom was only hers, there were not many pleasant or unpleasant memories of Jiang Fengmian lurking in the corners of the place. She was mourning, of course she was, on a family level. On a personal level, she was mourning what could have been instead of mourning her past.

To be honest, her late husband was an inconsiderate bastard. As a husband, Jiang Fengmian had been...lacking. As a lover, well, he had been an awful lay always acting in a perfunctory way like fulfilling an obligation, and as a father he had been dismal. At that moment, Yu Ziyuan was dreading the future much more than mourning the past. But for now, the future was an indecipherable enigma so there was no point in worrying about it.

Getting rid of her clothes, she walked into the bathroom. A short shower was in order and then she was going to bed. Trying to distract herself from her pressing problems, she remembered the moment she had to inform her children about Jiang Fengmian's death a few days ago. It had been devastating for the three of them, but the look of uncertainty on Wei Ying's face really squeezed her heart.

*

Hugging her children, the three of them, she let them cry. When she felt Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng were somewhat calmer, she asked Jinzhu to take care of them for a moment and she was left alone with Wei Ying. They needed to have a conversation and Wei Ying needed reassurance about his future.

"Wei Ying," she started, but she felt her resolve falter as she witnessed the sheer effort the boy was making to control his trembling lower lip. Before the DNA test, this action could have provoked a fit of rage on her part, now she couldn't even be surprised if the boy was afraid of her.

"I know," she went on, "that I haven't been..."she struggled to find the right word, "kind to you since you came to live with us," she started.

Wei Ying's eyes widened visibly at her admission. He tried to hide his expression quickly, most surely afraid of enraging her. What kind of bitch I was turning into? she asked herself. Well a huge one, her own brain provided. But this was not the time for self-reflection.