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Memes Ruin A Man's Whole Life

The bus ride to London had been boring, as expected, and both Harry and Sirius were glad to be off the cramped bus. Harry never had the chance to read further due to the amount of old people who looked like they would hate crime them on the bus. It didn't help that they were already being glared at by the dinosaurs for having Snuffles. The two truly were glad when they arrived at the bus stop a block from The Leaky Cauldron.

The two jogged over to The Leaky Cauldron to begin their day of shopping and changes. Harry flattened their hair to cover the damn scar that gave them away most of the time before he entered the pub. Keeping their heads down, the two quickly made their way to the brick wall that led to Diagon. They were in the Alley and in Gringotts in a few minutes.

"I would like to get some money from my vault, please," Harry kept his tone polite, yet firm. The goblins didn't like people who wasted time, but there was no need to be rude.

"Key?" Harry took the chain that held his key from around his neck and handed it over. The goblin began its trek to vault 687 with the two following.

The cart ride to his vault was mostly quiet, save for when they went down a steep drop and Harry gave an excited shout, and it took only a few minutes to stop at vault 687. The goblin and Harry got out of the cart and moved to the door. After it was opened and Harry gathered his money, traded some for muggle money for clothes shopping, they were off again. (The goblin had to tell a disappointed Harry that the cart only had one speed and could not go any faster).

The trip took only about ten minutes total. The fun really started in the lobby of Gringotts. As the two were leaving, in struts Lucius Malfoy, the man who tried to murder him last year! They had both stopped to dead stare at each other. Harry decided he wanted revenge, he wanted his revenge the Dursley way! Payback is a bitch!

"Mr. Potter. How pleasant to see you again," Malfoy was going to try to be rude and aloof, show that he was obviously better than the little urchin. Too bad!

"What the fuck is up Kyle?" Harry was bouncing on his toes, holding his arms up in tight angles as if to intimidate Malfoy while shouting. "No! What did you say? Step the fuck up Kyle!"

"I see your guardians still refuse to teach you some manners!"

"When will you learn? When will you learn that your actions have consequences?!" Malfoy didn't have a chance to respond as Harry kept going, though the crowd of wizards, witches, and goblins were thoroughly enjoying the interaction of the Savior and Lucius. "So you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift? I can't imagine being mayo! What's that like? Seeing you makes me feel like sad Keanu! Do us a favor and take your bleach blond self outta here!"

By this point, the muggleborn wizards and witches were having a blast as a thirteen year old tore into Lucius Malfoy using muggle memes and vines. The goblins had no idea what he meant by any of his insults but it was highly amusing to the ancient warrior race. Everyone else was incredibly confused and mildly concerned as they watched the weird interaction. Malfoy seemed to have had enough, but didn't want to continue the odd one-sided argument. With a final huff, a regal hair flip, and a call of 'Bye Felicia' from Harry he flounced out of Gringotts.

After the spectacle, Harry was told by every Muggleborn that they were their hero before he could get back out into the alley for his shopping. He made sure to gather his potions supplies, textbooks, and anything else school related. Then he bought his extras: extra books on interesting looking subjects and a whole new wardrobe with both muggle and wizard clothes. After getting some food, the two took the bus back to Privet Drive.