A Lie Is A Lie (Niall Horan)

25. That's What Sisters Are For

Sorry about the week wait. I cried while writing this. I also got some of the inspiration form Marley and Me. Rosie on the side. Try not to cry. - Jess xx

Jesse P.O.V

There are many quotes of life. Everyone knows my favourite one. Life is like a box of chocolates. For a long time, I've believed it's true. It's a cheap, effortless gift that no one ever asks for, unreturnable because all you get back is another box. So, you get stuck with the most strange whipped mint crap, carelessly eaten when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. Once is a while you get the best flavour like a chewy caramel or an English toffee, but it's gone too quick and the taste fades away. In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened sweets and teeth-shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper.

I wanted our child to never experience the cheap, crappy cherry cordials. I wanted our child to experience the Belgium side of chocolate. The best of the best. I never wanted our child to feel any sadness, or pain. I never wanted them to die.

Ever since my dad left my mum when I was 9, I always felt that from there I'd get the mint crap chocolates for the rest of my life. Then, seeing Nicole, I found the chewy caramel amongst the crap flavours. I never wanted her to feel any sadness, or pain or misery. I wanted to treat her with the best flavoured chocolate that money could buy. Nicole doesn't deserve to eat the broken bits in the box.

I felt like my stomach was sinking. I couldn't breathe. I feel like I woke up from the worst dream. We lost our child. Our little baby. This was going to be my child. They were going to have Nicole's eyes and my black, sleek hair. I was going to be a father. Change their nappies, watch Barney, drive them to football practise or Girl Scouts.

I was waiting my whole life for that moment when my child would wrap their hand around my finger so tightly, that they'd be afraid to let go. Nothing is more precious than that moment after they're born. I imagined seeing my son or daughter open their eyelids, look at me, and know that I'l love them for infinity and beyond.

My child has been taken away from me.

Ripped away from a chance at life.

Maybe he was needed up there.

But it's unfair to take something so precious away from us.

"I'm greatfully sorry," Dr. Ferrenti said, making me focused and brought back down to Earth.

I have to be here for Nicole. She needs me. Now more than ever.

"These things happen for unknown reasons. You're still young, you're very healthy, if you wish to desire, in a few months, you can try again,"

Knowing Nikki, she'll be scared to try out for another. She'll think that everytime we want to try for one, we'll have to go through this again. Nikki will never want to have kids again. She doesn't want another child to die. But I don't blame her.

"I'm going to leave you alone for a moment to talk. I'm really very sorry,"

Dr. Ferrenti then walked out of the room. It was silent between us. What can we say? Nikki must have so much emotion to get out right now. I expect to see tears, anger and mourning. I think I'll even act out in those emotions. I have to be strong for her. Losing my child is so hard. But it's ten times harder for her.

She turned her head to look at me. There are literally no words to tell her that would make her feel better. I need to try something. "Nicole..." I began.