A Lie Is A Lie (Niall Horan)

27. Shopping Fixes Everything

Hey, guys. I know that last year I updated very quickly, but things have chaged since then. School's more harder, Oh, pleas, and I mean PLEASE don't read this if you (How should I put this?).  ever want to, have or tried to self-harm yourself. Pease don't read this or ever do it. You are all beautiful people and no one should do this. I don't encourage anyone to ever do this, not even people I hate. This is only fiction, it should never happen in reality.

On a different note, if you are going to read this, I'd consider listening to the song on the side while reading the chapter. It's Little Mix's instrumental version of "Turn Your Face". I decided not to have the lyrics on there, because I felt it would ruin the moment. (In no way is this being mean to Little Mix, I love all of their voices and they are fucking incredible singers). I just wanted the instruments playing, I find this sog so emotion and beautiful, even without words. I originally had Rihanna's "Stay" on the side, but I thought that this tone is amazing and much better for the chapter. But like I said earlier, I'd consider it. I don't want anyone to read this and get influenced by it. It's only for my story and my story only.

Nikki P.O.V

When he left, I just cried. I stood there and let the tears fall. I lost the person I'm in love with, i lost the baby I was going to have and I lost the meaning of living. I know that everyone needs to go trhough grief to sustain a proper life, but no one ever wants to go through it. It has been a long day for me and I need to get it all out. I ran upstairs and locked myself in my room. I rushed to the bed and collapsed. I cried into my pillow, regretting every single action I've ever made to hurt Jesse. I'm a terrible, self-ish, dumb girl who has no fucking clue how lucky she was to have someone as great as Jesse Lorum. I felt like there was no point of living anymore. Why should I be alive if I don't have Jesse?

I then heard my name getting called from downstairs. I didn't move from my position. I kept on crying. Footsteps where climbing their way up the stairs and then into my room. i didn't need to look up to see who was here. She didn't say anything, she just came by my side and gave my a hug. She let me cry on her shoulder. "Jesse and I broke up," I sobbed. She continued to rub my back as we were still hugging. When i was more calmer, I explained everything. Well, not everything. I didn't tell her why Jesse and I broke up. I told her we broke up because I said I never wanted kids again and he did, and he didn't want to be with someone if it wasn't going to lead anywhere. On this day, I swore to myself that I am never telling a soul that Zayn was the father. I'm not even telling anyone that we had sex. There's no point. The truth does hurt and ignorance is bliss. I don't want the world to know my mistake and hate Zayn. And I especially, not even in a million years don't want my fucked-up, shitty mistake to ruin Zayn and Perrie's relationship. They should'nt experience the pain and loss I'm going through right now. I don't want anyone to go through what i'm going through.

Rosie comforted me the entire night. She didn't even go downstairs to eat something even though I heard her stomach rumble. She stayed by my side and let me cry on her shoulder. She's an amazing girl. She keept on comforting and just being there for me, made me realize that she is my best friend. "The best part of Jesse was you. You don't know how special you are, you are going to make a a guy the luckiest person in the world to have someone like you," She said while she rubbing my back. Those are sweet words, but they don't make me feel better. Because they are lies. I don't deserve someone special and no one deserves me to break their heart and get hurt again. It was about 2 AM when I said that I was going to go to sleep. I lied. I need to do something to get rid of the relief. I've had such a tough day. I only know one way to cope with it. Rosie went to her room and shut the door. When I was sure she was asleep, I quietly got out of my bed and began to walk downstairs. I went to the bathroom and turned on the light. I looked at myself in the mirror. Hating the refelction I saw beyond me. Who am I? What is Nikki White? Who is she? She's nothing anymore...