A Lie Is A Lie (Niall Horan)

26. I'm So Sorry

Sorry for the late chapter. i've been having issues with my laptop again and i've been doing a lot of homework. The chapter title has something to do with how sorry i am for not uploading and for something else that happens in here. Please don't hate me, but it had to happen. try to enjoy xx

Nikki's P.O.V

"I don't even know what to say," Niall whispered as he held my fragile body in his arms. I feel so vulnerable. I'm no longer a mum.

"I'm so sorry, Rose. You don't deserve this,"

I don't know how many lies I've heard over the past months. Thousands, I guess. Millions. It's so hard to tell whats the truth anymore. But I do know something. Niall doesn't know that what ghe just said was a lie. It isn't the truth. I do deserve this to happen to me. I don't deserve to have this baby and be so blessed. I have reasons.

I did something. Something horrible. Beyond horrible. Something that I'd never thought I would ever do to the love of my life. The person that I want to marry. That's why karma was invented in this world. I believe in it 100%. If you do something terrible, you deserve to get a taste of your own medicine. I deserve to have this feeling. The same one Jesse will have when I tell him.

I can't tell Niall what I did. Not now, at least. Right now, I just need comfort from my friend. This is still so rough, no matter how terrible my actions were to deserve this. He let go of my body, still holding on to my shoulders, rubbing them up and down.

"I can't imagine how you feel," He said with a sorrowed look on his face.

"Do you still want to have kids?"

I don't think I can. I don't want this to happen again. Not after what I've done.

"I just need time. One day, hopefully," The lies escaping my lips.

"Well, whenever you and Jesse decide to do it again, I'm going to be behind you 100%. And when it happens, which it will, I'll be completley happy for you and do whatever it is to help you,"

I was in the car, thinking how I'm going to tell Jesse the news. I'm preparing for the worse. I'm prepared for him to throw things at me, I'm prepared for him to pour red wine over my stuff and burn it. I'm prepared, but terrified. I never meant to hurt him. not like this. It was never meant to happen. Never. I thought about it before, but never did anything. Then it lead to this. I would give up everything I own to go back to that moment and stop it from ever happening.

I parked the car on the curb outside my place. I told him when I left Niall's to come over. Luckily, Rosie went to work so I could talk to him alone. I looked out my window, staring at my place. I'm going to miss him. I started to cry. I'm hurt. I'm so mad at myself for doing this. I hate myself so much that I feel like the worst person in the world. I tried my best to get out of the car. But my body won't let me leave. But I need to do it. It's better he hears it from me, than the one person he'd hate to hear it from.

I slowly opened my door, still leaking tears down my face. I placed my feet on the edge of the street where it meets the curb. I walked out and closed the door. As I walked along the sidewalk, I clicked the button on the remote to lock the car. As I was moving towards to revolving doors, i kept thining how I'm going to tell him. I have no idea how. It's so hard to say it ion words. Look at the person I'm in love with and tell them what I did. I feel like the biggest piece of shit right now. I made a huge mistake. And I can never take it back. That's what's killing me the most. I deserve to die.

Jesse's P.O.V

It's been a long day for us. Especially Nikki. I know that she's going through a very hard time right now. I need to do something to let her know I care. After realising that we lost something so precious, it made me think that I never want to lose her. I love her so much. While she was gone, I went to a jewellery store and bought and engagement ring. I want to marry her. I never want her out of my life. She's the one. I'm not proposing tonight, though. It isn't the right time. It may still be emotional for her, so I'll wait. I don't mind. Like I said earlier, I'll always wait until she's ready.