𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖒𝖊𝖉 𝕾𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗'𝖘 (𝕾𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖔𝖓 𝕿𝖜𝖔)

𝔼𝕡𝕚𝕤𝕠𝕕𝕖 𝔽𝕚𝕧𝕖

2x05 She's a Man, Baby, A Man!

(Scene: P3.)

Penelope: Oh, I cannot believe this heat wave. It's 2 a.m. How can it be so hot when there's no sun.

Piper: Tell me about it. (Penelope gets an ice cube and rubs it it on her neck.) The Cranberries are playing an animal right benefit here on Saturday and it's gonna be a million degrees in here. (Piper notices Penelope with the ice.) Uh, Penelope... you keep making like you're on red shoes diaries and I'm gonna have to bust out a can of man repellent. (Two guys are staring at Penelope.) All right, people, move a long. Nothing to see here. Goodness. Am I going to have to hose you down?

Penelope: I can't help it. It's not my fault. I'm in a highly excited state right now. Not that I'd mind being hosed down with water. I feel like I'm on fire. Feel my forehead. (Piper touches Penelope's forehead.)

Piper: Penelope, you're burning up.

Penelope: I know, tell me about it. (Piper gets a wet towel.) Something's happening to me, Piper. Something really freaky.

Piper: Sweetie, Uh, I think you need to call a Doctor.

Penelope: But I... I... I don't feel sick. (Piper hands the towel to Penelope.) I just... I feel... I feel... hot, aroused. Uh... I've been having this dream, Piper. This... sex dream. It's not like I haven't dreamt about sex before, because I have, you know. But this... this is different. This feel real. Swank penthouse love den, candles, satin sheets...

Piper: Okey-Dokey. I get the point.

Penelope: But every night it's with a different man... telling me that I'm irresistible and then we... lets just say we could win the golden medal in the Hugh Hefner Olympics.

Piper: And this is a bad thing?

Penelope: No. It's a good thing. It's... it's a very good thing. Until I kill them.

Piper: That's how your dream ends? You kill the guy?

Penelope: Each and every night, Piper. I told you, something is wrong with me.

Piper: There's nothing wrong with you. It's a dream. A metaphor for a extreme sexual frustration. Trust me, I should know. (Prue comes in.)

Prue: Oh, good. We're decoding men.

Piper: Prue, what are you doing here?

Prue: I can tell you what I'm not doing. I'm not lighting candles. I'm not getting a back rub and I'm not running a hot bubble bath for two.

Penelope: Hmm. Things didn't go well with Alan?

Prue: Well, see, that's the thing. I'm not really sure. I mean, third date, hot night, romantic dinner, and then he drops me off with barely even a kiss good night. I'm a little confuse.

Piper: Well, that's not necessarily an officially rejection. I mean, when they say "I'll call you" that's the kiss of death. Maybe he just got nervous.

Prue: Yeah or maybe he's just not interested. I mean, I gave out all the signals for him to move forward and he ran away. Men don't just run away when you give them all the signals, right? So, what gives?

Penelope: Okay. That's enough talk about men for me! I need to go home and take a long, cold shower and have a good night's sleep. I hope.

Piper: Sweet dreams. Don't kill anyone (To Prue) Don't ask. (Penelope leaves.)