Lilliana: The Oldest Maximoff [Discontinued]

Here We Go Again

Hm, I never thought that I could miss someone I've known for such little time so much.

It's only been three weeks since Bucky went into cryo, but it feels like it's been three years.

Bucky and I are walking— hands intertwined— as slow as we possibly can to enjoy these last few minutes.

The tears are threatening to spill from the bays of my eyes, but I refuse to let them.

This is a good decision. He knows it. I know it. But, that doesn't mean that I'd like it any less if I disagreed.

I try to take a breath in an attempt to calm my raging storm of emotions.

Bucky stands impossibly closer, "I understand that you don't like this..." He starts slowly, pulling us to a stop, "but, this is the right thing to do— it's the responsible thing to do."

"I know," my voice breaks through the whisper, "that's the problem. I hate that it's so hard for me to do the right thing because of the undeniable urge to turn around— walk back through that door— just so I could keep you around a little bit longer."

I can't resist anymore, the tears are freely streaming down my cheeks.

He eagerly reaches his hand around my waist to comfort me, my hands wrapping tightly around his neck.

"I wish that I could bring myself to tell you that you shouldn't go." I lightly laugh into his ear and I can feel his grin on my neck.

"I know," Bucky sighs removing himself from the embrace, "I think there's a part of me— deep down inside— that wants you to tell me that I should stay, but it-"

"We are ready for you, Mr. Barnes." Shuri interrupts.

He usually corrects her– insisting that she call him Bucky– but he doesn't even bother this time. He just walks through the doors, my palm in his.

"Are we prepared to begin?"

"Not quite yet." I mutter guiding Bucky aside. "I want you to know that you shouldn't feel guilty about any of this...
You owe this to yourself, Buck. I would never forgive myself if I stood in the way of you getting your 'happy ending'." I emphasize nodding.

"Don't ever think that you're in the way of my happy ending, păpuşă. You are my happy ending."

I sniffle lightly, "You are such a flirt, aren't you."

"I prefer the term 'hopeless romantic'."
He corrects jokingly.

I rest my hands on his below his collarbone, "I am really going to miss you."

Of course, it was obvious, but I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"As will I,"

Our lips find each other, glued in synchrony. It was filled with such love and passion, something I've never felt so greatly before Bucky. I've only known Buck for a few months, but our connection is strong enough to last a lifetime.

We part slowly as our foreheads rest together.

"Goodbye— for now— Buck." I whisper, letting him walk over to the machine.

He can't bare to say it back, but the look in his glassy eyes reveal his goodbye.

"Okay, this procedure is..."

Shuri's voice fades out of hearing, my only focus is on Bucky casually sitting in the pod.

"...Are you ready?" She asks.

He takes one final look at me. One that says 'it will all be just fine; you will be okay'.

I give him a loving smile as a parting image.

And then... He was gone.

I let out a breath that I didn't even know I was holding. Clutching my chest, in an attempt to control myself, I raise my head to find two very confused faces.

Then it hits me, neither of them knew about Bucky and I. Welp, they do now.

T'Challa opens his mouth first to ask questions, but I shut him down.

"Please don't." I plead, wiping the remainder of my tears, and strutting away.

"Lilli," Shuri calls, interrupting my thoughts as she comes through the door, "the jet is about to take off. We need you on board in the next five minutes."

I look away from the window I've been gazing through. The same view from the night when Bucky and I first connected, "Okay, Shuri, I'll be right there."

We've made the consecutive decision that I'd be better off if I was away from everything in Wakanda. So, instead, I'm taking a trip with Steve and the others to get in on a few "missions". It's a good attempt at a distraction.

Across the world from Wakanda and I'm still not sure that it's far enough. I attempted to tell Shuri that, but she said "it was better than sulking around the main hall".

I grab my matt black duffle bag from the forest green comforter set, swinging it in rhythm with my steps.

There are occasional "hellos", "good mornings", and "how are yous". I give each of them slightly forced smiles and rehearsed pleasantries.

"Things will get better." I tell myself every night and day, "Bucky reassured me that everything would be okay. This rough patch will be over before I know it."

"Lil!" Steve waves with a dorkish grin upon his face.

I run childishly into his arms as he swings me around– just like he always does.

He attempts to let me go slowly, but I can't bring myself to let go of him. I need someone I love to hold me for a little longer.

Steve must sense my desperate unease and brings his arms back around me– one hand on my back and the other on the back of my head.

"Are you sure that you're okay?" He whispers into my hair, "you don't have to go on any mission. We'll understand if you're not ready."

"No–" I pull quickly out of the embrace, "no, I'm fine. I'm going to be fine."

Steve hesitates slightly, scanning my facial expression to get a look into how true my statement was, "...Okay, come on."

He makes sure to grab my duffle bag from the landing strip, before following me to the jet bay.

It doesn't take long for us to get comfortable. We give the pilot the "go ahead" for take off.

I sigh, trying to mask the uneven breathing I've been having lately.

"Are you sure–"

"Yes, Steve. I'm fine, just tired is all." I rest my head on his shoulder softly.

He grabs my hand– giving it a shake– to show a sign of comfort.

If only he knew that I'd spent the whole night lying awake. I didn't even get a second because, as soon as my eyes closed, memories would flash of the one that I miss. Memories that I wish would happen, but can't because he's away.

Eventually, I give in to the comfort of Steve's arms– my best friend's arms– falling into the darkness of my mind.

Author's Note:

I finally got around to finishing the first chapter of the sequel! Yay:)
It took me forever to get around to it 1) because I love to procrastinate and 2) because the first few chapters will be kinda sad and I hate putting my baby through that. Anyways, enjoy!