Something In Between.

I'm Sorry

Hello! Thanks for reading!
Xoxoxo dreamer9923
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Blog Entry 8
I sat up in bed, shaking Chris causing him to turn over. "What happened?" I questioned Mrs. Crue urgently. "Ade has..." she paused breathing through a sob "gotten into an accident and was killed on impact." Mrs. Crue broke down once more and that was all I heard. My phone tumbled out of my hand. Ade was dead. She wasn't here anymore. I'll never talk to her again. I sat there stunned.

The realization hit me, and I began to sob. I hadn't even apologized, and she died hating me. Chris got up quickly realizing I was crying. He grabbed me and held me. "What's wrong?" he asked urgently. I couldn't talk. I sobbed shaking my head making inaudible attempts to tell him the horrifying news. Then Chris's phone rang. The voice on the other end was unmistakably Ade's brother John. He was a freshman with dyslexia and ADHD. He was sweet, and Chris was his peer mentor. They were really good friends and John really looked up to Chris. Looking back on it now I guess that's part of why Ade hated Chris. He had a good relationship with her little brother. One she could never manage to maintain herself.

John's voice was hoarse on the other line. He told Chris the news that I had just received. Chris sat there stone faced as John told Chris what hospital they were at. Chris grabbed my hand and threw some shoes at me. I slipped them on, and we ran over to Chris's Camero. He pulled out of the driveway and soon enough we were at King James Hospital.

Mr. and Mrs. Crue were crying outside of the hospital room, and John was sitting near them with his head in his hands. His leg was bouncing up and down uncontrollably. He was shaking and his breaths were more like pants and wheezes. When Mrs. Crue saw me she ran over and pulled me into her arms. "She was driving intoxicated and swerved off the road." Mrs. Crue said hoarsely. Chris ran over to John and started talking to him calmly while silent tears streamed down his face. He put his hand on John's knee causing it to stop moving. John looked at Chris's tears face and pulled him into a hug, sobbing into his shoulder. Chris rubbed his back and whispered to him. "Do you want to go in?" Mrs. Crue asked me after a while. I nodded silently. She led me over to the room, pushing the door open for me.

I walked in quietly hoping the lifeless body in front of me was just my friend sleeping, and she'd wake up and slap me for being such a horrible friend, but she'd then she'd laugh and forgive me and pull me into a Adeline bear hug. I needed that to happen but it didn't. It didn't because of me. I started heaving my breath becoming labored and loud. I pulled at my hair and tried to calm myself down.

I sat down in the plastic chair next to my friend. "Hey Ade." I said my voice going hoarse, my eyes stinging with tears. "I'm so fricking sorry. If only I was there you wouldn't have been driving intoxicated. I've been a terrible friend. I needed you, and you were there. You freaking saved my life! When you needed my support where was I?" I grabbed her hand shaking with sadness and hate for myself. "I was so selfish. I hate myself. I'm so on edge as it is, and you were the only thing keeping me from killing myself. I had no one to talk to but you. If you weren't there that one time......... I'd be dead." I stopped realizing just how much I had lost tonight. I sobbed. "Why? Why her? What has she done? It's me that needs to be here dead! Not Ade please not her!" I screamed at the sky. "It's me that deserves this." I whispered. "It's always been me." My friend was gone and it was all my fault and there was nothing I could do to change that. She died hating me and it's a hate I now share too.

I looked at all the machines that the doctors had left to unhook. She was gone and it was all my fault! My friend was dead! It was because of me. Her soulmate is out there without her. Her brother has no sister. Her parents have no daughter. It's all my fault. I got up from my chair, suddenly enraged. I grabbed the plastic chair and threw it at the wall. I screamed and cried and knocked over the medical machine that couldn't fix this. Nothing could bring her back. I cried out and knocked all the things off the table. Mr. and Mrs. Crue looked at me silently. They weren't mad, they were just......... I don't even know. I looked at all the things I'd broken. I fell to the floor utterly hopeless, crying loudly. Chris rushed in and pushed past Mr. and Mrs. Crue. He wrapped me in his arms and knelt with me in the hospital floor near Adeline's bed. "I'm so sorry, Baby," he said trying not to cry for my sake. I just sat there, crying into his chest, feeling like an unworthy, selfish, shell of a horrible person.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
The song of the chapter is A Call to Arms by Laura Jansen