Brutally Beautiful.

-Past-

-four months ago-

It was a cold autumn morning. Mom and I decided to go to the mall early today. Every year, on the 13th of September, we'd go to a mall in search of a white dress. Father always said he loved me in white, and awaits the day I become a bride. In a white long marvellous dress. The day my heart will ache most of all.

And there I was, standing in front of the mirror wearing a nice white dress. As I stared at my reflection, Mom combed my hair nicely, she'd take a brief look at me through the mirror and squeeze my shoulder, telling me how much I resemble my father, which was obviously bullshit, I didn't really look like him, I was more of my mom.
But I guess, it's just the love. Love toward us that she carries which makes us one.
Dad would stare at us both and say that I must have been starving in her womb, as I have eaten away her beauty. To be honest, that was one of the best compliments anyone would ever tell me. Mom is still beautiful. I've got her sharp jawline, big brown eyes, and small nose. But I didn't tell her that, of course, I preferred her seeing my father, and her love in me.

I kept quiet and continued stroking the dress.
Mom knew perfectly well that I liked it, she gazed at me with her big eyes and bit her lips in excitement. I nodded toward her, sending a small smile. I wanted it. I'm all ready to visit my father today.

I stayed in the dress, and packed my clothes into a plastic bag as mom was standing beside the counter.

After she was done paying, she proposed going for a coffee. Actually it was more like a coffee and a chocolate milkshake with whipped cream offer. I disliked the taste of coffee, but loved the smell of it.
We seated ourselves, the waiter walked towards us in a shy manner. He was probably around my age.
Mom ordered my milkshake and a latte, and the waiter said they're out of chocolate, which disappointed me so bad. I sighed, and ordered cold water. The waiter's eyes were trying to find their way to mine, huh! I ain't exchanging stares with somebody who says no to my milkshake. And I'm not even sorry. Hah. Would you call me childish? You would be, too.

When the waiter gave up and went to prepare our orders, he'd glance at me from time to time. Our eyes would meet and I'd feel uncomfortable.

"It's nice in here." She says.

I barked, "No. I'm milkshake-deprived, mother."

She laughed.
I rolled my eyes, and again caught the waiter staring at our table.
What the hell was wrong with that guy?

I tried to stop glancing, and focus on my mom.

"So, Hays, tell me-" the waiter cut my mom off and reported on the table our order, not leaving my eyes.
I took the water and start to drink, avoiding his presence which disturbed me.

As he walked away I glanced at mom, and smiled at her as she watched me in silence.
I wanted to cry out loud and weep my eyes off, I felt trapped in one hell of a cage. Mom's eyes formed into glass, trying to shake off the tears. She always tried to act strong in front of me, and I never wanted to add more problems in her life.
I'm not the type of a rebel; I don't party, have lots of friends, great reputation, or guys running after me.
I'm a loner who prefers sitting alone, read tons of books and listen to great music that pleases my soul. In weekends I'd spent my day taking care of Ruth. Ruth was an old lady living in this town for so long, she knew my parents ever since they moved here, I liked it there at her place. Silence, the smell of coffee, tons of used books, and alternative music.

My head started to swing all over the place, I felt sleepy and my chest was heavy. I stood up, drank the water till the last drop and kissed my mom on the cheek goodbye. "I'm heading to dad's." I said as I left the place... Hardly.
With uncertainty, mom looked at me disappearing into the crowed.

September, 13.

My fathers death anniversary.

Oh how I wish I could disappear in it forever.