él - Technoblade.

ℭ𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 98 - 𝔏𝔢𝔞𝔳𝔦𝔫𝔤

TW – Suicide

ɪ ʜᴀᴅ ᴡᴏᴋᴇɴ ᴜᴘ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ᴄᴏᴛᴛᴀɢᴇ - ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴠᴏɪᴅ ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ᴡᴀꜱɴᴛ ꜱᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴀꜱ ᴀ ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴠᴏɪᴅ ᴀɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ.

I wasn't in the void with those voices of familiar people anymore. Instead, that black abyss, was a nice flower field. The field had so many flowers, so many different smells and sights. Red and black roses, white Liliums, Purple Alliums, red and pink tulips, and different coloured carnations. It was also adorned with beautiful spruce trees surrounding the field, and finally, alongside the flowers were cactuses and long grass.

It would have been a paradise, if I hadn't of noticed the cabin among the tress. The cabin would haunt me now, everywhere I went. Any time I was awake it would haunt me. I would go there, but the trees and grass were so thick I couldn't never make it when I tried. It was just there, and I couldn't never escape it. My worst memory, the death of myself and my son would forever haunt me in my own personal limbo.

But right now, right now I was sitting on my bed. I was thinking, but my head was empty. I was breathing, but I didn't feel alive. I knew I lost him.

I was just trying to figure out...things.

I couldn't go back. I didn't want to face that haunting cabin. I just needed to take small steps. I would start by standing up. My legs shook from coming back from the field, but I opened the door of my bed room and looked down the corridor. I turned and then I came rushing back to me.

That room. To the left of the corridor. My eyes felt heavy with remembrance and dread. The room was how I left it. The yellow walls seemed duller yet the new paint sat on the walls the way it did only days ago. The carpet seemed black, but it hadn't changed colour. It was just the way I saw the world now. Colourless. The white cot was begging to fall apart in my hands, and the white chair in the corner was shaking to be thrown against the wall.

So when the wooden splinters hit my skin as i threw what we built against the walls, I didn't feel much except a sudden wave of anger and then regret.

I wasn't having children, I didn't have any children. I ruined that for us. US.

How was Techno taking this? Was I selfish? He just lost both of us.

But no matter what, I wasn't leaving this cottage. My tears were cold on my cheeks, and I didn't have the energy or heart to wipe them away. Even these tears meant something, they were the last thing I had to remind myself of him.

Kairos. Oh, my son Kairos. I should be putting you in the crib I just broke apart, and I should be pulling out the clothes I had for you from the drawers. I should be preparing for the short hours of naps and late night feedings. I should be sharing your joy. Yet, as I walk outside with a sword, I am left grieving you and fighting demons within my nightmares, dreams and in my own awakened mind.

It takes time to recover. I know, but I don't want time. How can time take away this aching pain of never experiencing life with you? I just want to hold you. I never got the chance. I love you, my sweet boy.

ɪᴍ ᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ ꜱᴡᴇᴇᴛ ʙᴏʏ...